Scoliosis

Two weeks ago, the nurses visited my daughter's school and she came home with a letter stating they suspect she has Scoliosis. Hearing such a big name, I started to panic and wondered what the hell kind of health issue that is. So I read on and realized it had something to do with the spine. It wasn't until after dinner that I managed to clear up everything and get online to do more studying on this.

So apparently what I read was that Scoliosis is a back condition that causes the spine to curve to the left or right side. Most cases, it develops in children between the ages of 9 and 14 during the growth spurt of puberty. Scoliosis is usually mild and needs no treatment. For more severe cases, treatments include a back brace and surgery to straighten the spine.

And of course, me being me, I worried about the "what if her case was severe"?

So this kept me worried for weeks and finally, we took the day off today to take her for the follow up appointment at the Health Promotion Board building. She got an x-ray done and we saw the doctor who explained everything to us. Thankfully, her spine is only 9 degrees bent so it's not severe and as the doctor said, there is nothing to worry about. It may or may not get worse but usually it doesn't. But just having those options, I am going to worry for years now!!

What we learned today is that Scoliosis is hereditary in that people with scoliosis are more likely to have children with scoliosis. What we also learned is that it is not caused by the heavy school bag or the kind of mattress my daughter is using or even her posture. WOW! All this while I thought those were all part of the problem. I guess we learn something every day.

So anyway, thankfully it wasn't severe and thankfully Lani didn't need the brace. I was really worried that she might have needed it. I couldn't imagine my baby girl having to wear that for whatever period of time. But she will still have to go back for follow ups twice a year until she is 17 years old or when she stops growing.

Now we're still trying to figure out of anyone in our family had this but we can't come up with any names until my mum mentioned my cousin.... ok, now I can understand...

But a mother's worries never ends. This is only the beginning...

Logan’s Poetry Recitation

Logan had to prepare for a Poetry Recitation that he presented today. He chose to do “The Wheels On The Bus”.

The objective of Poetry Recitation is to build up the child’s presentation skills as well as to provide an opportunity for him to speak confidently and fluently in standard English. Logan will be tested in his pronunciation, expression and rhythm, eye contact and creativity.

So for the last week I have been making Logan practice presenting the “Wheels on the Bus”. I tried to keep him motivated. I didn't stress him and try to make it as fun as possible. I explained that he needed to speak slowly and to pronounce the words clearly at all times and never to mumble. I've explained to him on numerous occasions that he should not just recite the poem word for word and instead he needed to express himself and speak with variation and to give occasional emphasis. He’s a smart cookie and he understood and did real well during practice.

I also drilled into his head that he needed to make that eye contact with his audience at all time. That is most important and that would allow him to score great marks which he was excited about. The thing about my kids is that scoring thrills them to know end and they always like to put in their best to get the best marks! They really do make me proud.  I think I can pat myself on the back as I have raised two great kids.

Last but not least, I explained to Logan that creativity is an extra benefit for scoring high marks. I told him that he will need to have a lot of expressions and enthusiasm about the poem…and props!! So I spent the day with some help from my husband, making the prop for Logan’s presentation. I've cracked my brains the last week or so and finally come up with making a cardboard bus which Logan could put on during the presentation.

When my daughter Lani was young, I did the same for her show and tell. I spent hours on her props and right now, I get to do it all over again and this time for my son Logan.

Logan came home excited today telling us he had done well for his presentation and he also mentioned that he was the only student who brought a prop. WOW! Parents were given the worksheet to inform us about how the scoring would be done. Long before I even had the worksheet, I planned to make a prop…of course it was an added benefit and more so when it was stated in the scoring sheet.

I just cannot understand why parents these days are not involved in their child’s life. Sadly, these parents are also mostly stay home mums so it’s not like they don’t have the time. I am not trying to credit myself for being the greatest parent but I work full time and yet I am able to put aside time to get involved in my child’s education, etc.

It’s just sad how parents expect the teachers to do everything when it concerns their child’s education. There is only so much the teachers can do…you need to get off your ass and do your part as well.

Don’t they realize that parents are the child’s most important teachers, guides, and advocates? Parents’ opinions and actions play an important role in shaping their child’s development. Being an involved parent means guiding and connecting with our children. I feel that parents who are involved in their child’s lives find that their children are more successful in school, chose better friends, and have fewer discipline problems. If you don’t think it is true than prove me wrong.

Being involved is more than just sending your child to school. Besides helping with your child’s School work, involved parents also find time to talk one-on-one with their child and really listen to what they are saying. Effective parents also validate their children, by letting them know that they can see things their way. These parents aren’t afraid to have fun and goof off with their child. They do special things together, go on outings, plan family events, and model how to behave in these different settings. It doesn't take a genius to do all of that.

Parents should advocate for their children’s needs. It is the parent’s right to voice their opinions about school activities and policies. By speaking up, parents help their child feel supported, secure, and successful in school. Some parents may feel apprehensive about getting involved in how their child’s school is run, and that is only natural. But follow your heart because you’re the best person to know what is good and what is bad for your child.

I am not a perfect parent but I always try to be the best. I feel sad whenever I see children who are neglected or being pushed away by their own parents. But I cannot save the world so I concentrate on my own children and giving them the best in life, the best lessons and to be the best mum I can be to them.

Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner

Years have passed and I have my own kids now. Decisions can be made by me and I need not seek approval from my parents. Thank god if you asked me, especially when it concerns Chinese New Year.

From as far back as I can remember, I always dreaded this particular festive season. Of course I hate it more now since being married, I cannot receive any more red packets (money envelopes) and instead have to give them out.

I never ever felt connected to the Chinese side of me. I'm not kidding. Since I could talk, I would always say "I not Chinese. I Eurasian." No offence but it's just how I felt and till today I still feel the same way.

But going back to why I hate Chinese New Year.....

As a kid, I never had a voice. I never could make a decision so for years, I dreaded going over to my dad's side to visit. Most kids would be excited to collect red packets but for me, if I had a choice, I'd rather not get any and just stay home.

I have quite a few valid reasons for not enjoying the visits during the Chinese New Year season and that being....

1. It was like duck and chicken trying to communicate. I didn't speak dialect and they didn't speak English.

2. Those that could speak English would like to compare their kids with the rest. Such like "Oh how come you're only in Normal stream? Ah Boy is in Express." ... but that's just one example of the comparisons they like to make.

3. We can't use black or blue because it's mourning colours they say. But while we wear red and other bright colours, those who had something to say about what we wore, would come in "mourning" colours and it is ok. Why? Is it because we are mixed blood and not pure Chinese that they have to pick on us?

If I visited them now, they wouldn't like me much because I have a lot of comparisons I'd like to make now....the first would be, "How come you all are so ugly unlike us? Oh....it's because we're mixed blood." And the next would be, "how come you all are so un-mannered unlike us?"

Screw the red packets...it wasn't like they gave us healthy red packets.  You would think with all the bragging they did, they would at least give a decent amount. But no.

Anyway, I don't need to put my kids through that misery of communication problems and comparisons. Yes my kids are part Chinese and I have never ever denied them of that heritage.

The thing I remember fondly about Chinese New Year was how things changed through the years. How we went from traveling at the back of a hot stuffy van to a Toyota and then to a Mercedes, etc. That is something that would always stick out in my head. How much the family worked hard to get to where we were.

Nevertheless, Chinese New Year this year was a quiet and simple affair, just like the past few years.

We didn't go anywhere. Stayed home and had a steamboat dinner and went downstairs with the kids to play with the fire sparklers. It was just what the doctor prescribed. Just the people I wanted to be around with and no one else.

Online Friends

I have to say that I have been pretty fortunate “meeting” many wonderful people online (my hubby too, in case some of you didn't know).

But looking at the above screen capture from my Facebook page, I wanted to blog about how lucky I have been over the years when it comes to meeting people online. Through the years, I have made many friends who even if I have not met in person (yet), still plays an important role in my life. A handful I have known since 1998 and some I have recently gotten to know, but no matter how long I have known any one person, each one of you play a different role in my life. You've been there with me through thick and thin. You have seen me take that giant leap and move 12,000 miles away from my country to meet my husband and get married. You saw my kids grow up. And many more milestones in my life…you showed me love and given me so much support.

Thank you.

Moving back to the above screen capture…

I have recently met this wonderful online friend by the name of Kevin Patrick O'Brien Jr. How you might ask? I don’t really remember. But if I am not mistaken, he had added me through NKOTB friends which I am glad he did because he is a riot and never fails to keep my online life colourful.

Both Kev and I have figured that we’re long lost evil twins. We must have been separated at birth or something although how the hell one would have an Irish twin and as Asian twin, god only knows. However, there’s something different above Kev. He speaks his mind and whatever comes out of his mouth, you know for sure it’s straight from his heart (whether you like it or not).

He fills my heart with warmth through his statuses and comments and makes me laugh with his goofiness. I think I do the same for him because he never fails to tell me so. Thus why we came to a conclusion that we’re evil twins. I just feel accomplished knowing that I do play an important role in his life, that I am that friend who is there for him to leave him in stitches and with stupid big goofy smiles and I hope I never will stop doing that for him.

Kev, thanks for coming in to my life. I will forever be grateful and will forever support you in all that you do. You’re a good man and you deserve the best things life has to offer. If at any time you hit a low, I will be there to kick your ass back up and that is my promise. Ha!

(You really touched my heart greatly when we had the above conversation on Facebook. Never in my life, did I think I would play an important role in a friend’s life…important enough to be mentioned during your get better sessions).

Oh and by the way, I am very proud of you attaining four years sobriety. Keep it up!!

And in case some of you didn't know... Kev is a really awesome singer/rapper. Check out his latest song: 50 Shades Of Shay

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It was the year 1998. I was damn proud to have bought myself a laptop. It was a boat anchor but a laptop all the same.

Upon applying for internet connection with Pacific Internet, I got on a chat line so check out what all the hype was all about. Just as I had figured how to log in, I got into mIRC and #soundbar channel, and I received a private message from a “LordVader”. Yes, little did I know he would be my husband.

He was obviously more grounded than everyone else, and his grammar was impeccable. He knew so much about where I was from. Or at least he Googled it. He asked me interesting questions. I could already tell what he was like, just from the messages.

We talked for about 5 months or so before losing touch with each other. Didn't think much of it since we initially met, both of us were involved in other relations.

A couple months later, I finally started to get a bit more tech savvy and downloaded ICQ in which I remember him asking me to get. So who was the first person I added after installing it? Yup! I added ‘my future husband’.

One day, he got online again and I asked if he remembered me and he answer, “Of course!”. As fate had it, we had both broken up with our partners at about the same time. He sent me a photo of him but I didn't exactly want to believe it was really him. One day, I finally found the courage to call him and we spoke for a bit.

We soon switched to email, which felt like a serious commitment. Things were moving fast. It wasn't too long before we decided to meet. It was either he come to Singapore or I go to America. I jumped at the opportunity as it had always been my dream to visit the USA. Applied for my travel visa, bought my tickets and headed up to meet “LordVader” for the first time. I am actually surprised my parents didn't stop me but I admit, I told them a lot of lies too. Haha…for one, I told them I would be staying with his sister. Oops!

I was all excited until it was 10 minutes before the plane would land in NYC! I have never felt so many butterflies in my stomach. I just whispered to myself, “too late now fool”. Got off the plane and there he was, with his long blonde hair let down, wearing his long leather trench coat. One consolation was he didn't lie when he sent the photo to me. I remember my heart raced so fast that I almost couldn't control my nerves.

Just a week into my trip, we headed up to Maryland to visit with his baby sister and there, after a great dinner, he offered me a glass of champagne. At the last drop of it, a ring slipped from the bottom of the glass and hit my lips. Oh my god! It was happening…. The day I had always dreamed and imagined what it was going to be like. He got down on his knees, asked if I would marry him and the moment I said “yes”, he slipped that beautiful diamond ring on to my finger. I was going to be a wife soon…but how am I going to break this news to my family?

Somehow everything fell right in to place. After three months of being with him, I went back home to tell my family about it and packed my bags to leave my country, my family, my comfort zone for good. Twenty years of my life was packed up in two suitcases. It was a huge leap for me and I took that risk and today I am glad I did.

We were married in April 2000. I was two months shy of turning 21 years of age. My mum was the only family I had there at my beautiful park wedding. But a year after, we made our way back to Singapore and did it all over again…we got married the second time. This time it was for my family to witness.

This April would be 14 years since we got married, and I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach any more when I see him (it’s a good thing), but it is pretty nice to remember when I did.

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To think I was one of the skeptics about online romance.

But after all that is said and done, I feel that sometimes it’s easier to meet people online. But trust your gut – things aren't always what they seem.

In some ways, meeting people online is similar to meeting people in real life. But online relationships can be different – and more dangerous – than meeting people in real life.

There’s some real risks in meeting up with people who you've only had contact with online. The thing is, it’s hard to know what the person is really like – because the only thing you know about them is what they've told you. When you haven’t met face to face, you can’t easily pick up the body language cues that can help us to judge whether someone is genuine or not. You might not know their friends or family or anyone around them. You don’t have any way of verifying that they are who they say they are.

I sure did take a huge risk and Ed wasn't even in the same country as me! Sometimes it scares me and I wonder about the “what ifs”? But I followed my heart and my gut.

If there’s a little voice telling you something’s not right – listen to it.

So I’ll say that it’s damn important to be smart. You need to protect yourself.

Again, though, for all its dangers the web can bring wonderful things as well.

Happy Birthday My Son

My little man is a whole year older!

I dare say that only a few parents are privileged to be blessed with a son like him. The day he was born was a day to celebrate! He changed the world as soon as he entered in. Time flies so fast and he has become a lot stronger and bigger but he will always be my baby. I just cannot find the exact words to tell him that we are so proud of what he has become through the years!

He is making us more and more proud with each year that goes by. We hope he is as excited about his birthday this year as we were the day he was born. It was a magical miracle.

We've always been proud of him. Now more than ever, our hearts are bursting with pride, because he is growing into a remarkable person — so full of love and joy. He's growing up so fast, and I'm starting to feel old but it's worth it as I get to see him become the wonderful young man that he is becoming.

Happy birthday to the best son in the whole wide world! We love you so much Logan Aaron Palmer!

I hope that when today is all done, you can say that your birthday was fun.

Shine bright like your cute smile, always!

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It was a fight but we finally gave in to our heart and kept the kids home from school today.

Logan woke up early this morning and came running in to our bedroom with his presents, and saying, "Look at my happy face!"

For a week, he's been patiently waiting to open these presents...

His little desires were fulfilled as he opened his two gifts from Ed and I and another from my mum. He got what he wanted...the so very expensive Roadbuster Transformer and his Nerf Gun to add to his collection.

By 10.45am, we were out the door and heading to Seoul Garden at Tampines Mall for lunch as per request by the birthday boy. We spent a good two hours there. The kids really do enjoy themselves there.

Made our way back home and while Logan enjoyed his new toys, I baked his birthday cake for him.

The rest of the day/evening was relaxing but most of all, the kids especially Logan had a great day. Not to mention Logan was thrilled that his Google page on his computer was personalized with a "Happy Birthday Logan" message!

I still can't believe how much my little man has grown.

The First Day of School

The first day of school is always a big day for children especially for the parents (ME!).

This year would be the first day of primary school for my son and I was assuming it must be a big day for him (or so I thought!) and I had months of sleepless nights over it…but try asking him and even you would be surprised by what he will tell you.

Did Logan have any concern prior to his first day at Primary school? Of course he did. He wondered if his classmates from kindergarten would be attending the same primary school as him, and he was hoping they would be in the same class. “Networking” has now started early.

Come to think of it, this was exactly the main concern of my daughter who is now in Primary 5 – if her best friend would join her in class this year. As I see it, my kids have moved on with the times. First-day anxiety or clinging on to mummy's arm probably happens only on the first day at nursery or kindergarten only… Although my kids never had that problem (thank goodness).

In that respect, I can't over-emphasise the importance of attending pre-school or teaching your kids from a young age to be independent and not to shelter them too much and to give them the opportunity to socialise with other kids and adults from a young age.

My hubby and I have always introduced our kids to the real world in stages. At a young age, we taught them to share and respect other children and adults, and they were taught to obey rules and take instructions.

As my kids were raised more in a Western way with Asian values, they have already been introduced to the real world since they were able to understand it, so the first day of primary school was rather a non-eventful one for them (it was for me though as I get to see my babies move on to a new chapter in their lives). My kids were in fact more excited about the new bag, stationary, water bottles and lunch boxes.

Even so, as independent as my kids were, both my husband and I still explained to Logan about the difference at primary school. Primary school is where he would have to sit down and pay extra attention.

For my daughter, out went the pink Disney Princess school bag. It's like she was coming of age (and she is although I never want to admit that).

As to what was the most daunting task most kids had to face during the first few days of primary one: my guess is that it would be using money to buy their own food during recess. Thus why school nowadays actually have parents pay in advance for packed meals for their kids for the first 3 days of school. I did it so my son would slowly ease into the primary school lifestyle and after which, they will have a buddy to accompany them during recess for another 3 days.

All the worrying I did went down the gutter when I sneaked into his school with all the other anxious parents to peek at him during recess. He was comfortable in this new environment and didn't show one bit of nervousness. The fact that he ran up to me showing food and drinks that was not the ones that I had paid for in advance, made me so damn proud. He's going to be ok.

It's amazing how my kids pick up different skills like ducks to water!

To many of us, our school years were the best part of our lives (for me, it wasn't just school and studied but what was memorable was the mischief and trouble we got ourselves into). So make sure that the tradition lives on with our children (not the getting into trouble part)! Children can enjoy going to school even if it's not for the lessons, they can still enjoy the bonds of friendship with their peers.

It doesn't take one long to realize that primary school education has evolved (and is still continuing to evolve) way beyond what parents were used to during their own days as students going through the Singapore education system. I have mixed feelings about it. It's good that our kids would be smarter than us and move forward quicker but I don't like the fact that kids are so stressed. Because of this fast paced education system, kids are not allowed to be kids and before they know it, they've missed out on their childhood.

Yes of course I want my kids to excel but I don't intend to push them like how majority of the parents around here push their kids. Tuition classes one after another, ballet, golf.... I want my kids to study but I want my kids to enjoy their childhood and remember it when they are parents themselves.

Well, today is the day my son will move on to a new chapter in his life where he will face new challenges, new responsibilities and will make many new friends.

I couldn't be more blessed to have my two angels.

As The New Year Approaches

Now is a time when most of us sit back and reflect on the past year and on how to do better in the year ahead.

Technically it's that time of year again when you will make more frantic attempts to change habits, make commitments and radically shift the direction of your life. Or what is called a New Year's resolutions. More importantly, will you keep those resolutions?

According to Wikipedia, a New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until fulfilled or abandoned.

Unfortunately, most New Year's resolutions are abandoned before January is even up. I'm speaking from personal experience and I'm certain majority of you can relate to it too.

I think setting goals (and New Year's resolutions) is very important. Well for me I have goals in life and each year I do fulfill as many as I can. I've given up on yearly resolutions though. What’s the point of making them for the sake of making them and not fulfilling it?

Why do we not keep to our New Year’s resolutions year after year?

I think most of us have become numb to the idea of resolutions. Resolutions are like diets. They’re events. They’re uninspiring, and most people state them with unconscious intent.

So what is a better alternative to this New Year Resolution thing?

I've decided to revolt against resolutions. I had my very own “resolution revolution.” I decided to simplify, to focus, and to be gentle about the approach. Here it is:

Pick a word for the year.

Just one word. That’s all.

Then, hold that word in your mind throughout the year, and let your word guide you to take action. For instance, let’s say you want to make a resolution to lose 20 pounds, and to change jobs. Rather than say, “I resolve to lose 20 pounds and get a better job,” you might sit with this thought for a little while. Maybe then you would recognize that you've been scared to look for another job because there might not be something out there, and maybe you've been overeating to stuff?

So, instead of making resolutions – which do little to inspire you – you choose the word “courage.” Courage then becomes what guides you. Each day you focus on that word. When you don’t want to go to the gym, you don’t berate yourself with the threat of your resolution. Instead, you motivate yourself with your word “Courage.” You say it aloud to remind yourself. And you go because learning how to not be scared of change is exciting to you. The word then builds on itself. You might decide to take a yoga class even though the skinny yoga girls have always scared you. You might find that you have a little more energy with each new thing you try. Maybe this energy motivates you to call an old friend in your field and let her know you are looking for another job. Courage becomes the guiding force, not the harsh standard.

I am a very lucky woman, blessed a great career, great family and friends…a husband who puts up with me, and two really gorgeous, smart and amazing kids. I have everything my heart desires. What more could I ask for?

So what word am I going to choose for 2014?

I think I will choose “Self-Love” this year.

I’ve often neglected myself trying to care and provide for my family. I've pushed myself hard to be the best I can be so my family could enjoy the fruits of my labour because they deserve it. But I also have issues I need to get rid of which over the many long years have given me little senses of what it means to love and accept myself. I am not talking about loving myself to the point of narcissism. That is an entirely different thing.

Years back I thought self-love was being selfish but I've learned that it’s the other way around. It’s being selfish not to love yourself.

Yes I have a great life now but sometimes I feel I was born to get through life not being able to let go of the past, and in return feeling really depressed which concludes I am not good enough and a failure. I've continued to put a lot of pressure on myself that I had absolutely no time to care for myself. That will hopefully change this year.

So this 2014, I am going to start learning to love myself. I am going to try and realize that I am as important as anyone else. It is going to be difficult as growing up, I always felt that others are way better than me, and that I don’t matter, and people aren't interested in me unless I please them.

For self-love to happen, I am going to try to take these steps in fulfilling my 2014 goal (notice I didn't say resolution?)….

Self-Care
Consider my needs
Care for myself with the same level of effort that I do for others
Accept myself for all that I am
Set boundaries
Protect myself
Forgive myself
Become mindful
Act on what I need rather than what I want

Wish me luck…..

So what word will you choose for 2014?

Compassion? Generosity? Wealth? Gratitude?