Years have passed and I have my own kids now. Decisions can be made by me and I need not seek approval from my parents. Thank god if you asked me, especially when it concerns Chinese New Year.
From as far back as I can remember, I always dreaded this particular festive season. Of course I hate it more now since being married, I cannot receive any more red packets (money envelopes) and instead have to give them out.
I never ever felt connected to the Chinese side of me. I'm not kidding. Since I could talk, I would always say "I not Chinese. I Eurasian." No offence but it's just how I felt and till today I still feel the same way.
But going back to why I hate Chinese New Year.....
As a kid, I never had a voice. I never could make a decision so for years, I dreaded going over to my dad's side to visit. Most kids would be excited to collect red packets but for me, if I had a choice, I'd rather not get any and just stay home.
I have quite a few valid reasons for not enjoying the visits during the Chinese New Year season and that being....
1. It was like duck and chicken trying to communicate. I didn't speak dialect and they didn't speak English.
2. Those that could speak English would like to compare their kids with the rest. Such like "Oh how come you're only in Normal stream? Ah Boy is in Express." ... but that's just one example of the comparisons they like to make.
3. We can't use black or blue because it's mourning colours they say. But while we wear red and other bright colours, those who had something to say about what we wore, would come in "mourning" colours and it is ok. Why? Is it because we are mixed blood and not pure Chinese that they have to pick on us?
If I visited them now, they wouldn't like me much because I have a lot of comparisons I'd like to make now....the first would be, "How come you all are so ugly unlike us? Oh....it's because we're mixed blood." And the next would be, "how come you all are so un-mannered unlike us?"
Screw the red packets...it wasn't like they gave us healthy red packets. You would think with all the bragging they did, they would at least give a decent amount. But no.
Anyway, I don't need to put my kids through that misery of communication problems and comparisons. Yes my kids are part Chinese and I have never ever denied them of that heritage.
The thing I remember fondly about Chinese New Year was how things changed through the years. How we went from traveling at the back of a hot stuffy van to a Toyota and then to a Mercedes, etc. That is something that would always stick out in my head. How much the family worked hard to get to where we were.
Nevertheless, Chinese New Year this year was a quiet and simple affair, just like the past few years.
We didn't go anywhere. Stayed home and had a steamboat dinner and went downstairs with the kids to play with the fire sparklers. It was just what the doctor prescribed. Just the people I wanted to be around with and no one else.
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