It took me years to understand the depth of this trite-as-ever quote.
Most of the time, we’re incapable of comprehending certain philosophies until we’ve endured them first hand. Sure, it makes sense to keep your enemies close, so you can keep tabs on them and seek revenge by pouring ice buckets over their heads when they least expect it.
But, I learned this isn’t what the famous quote intended to preach at all.
After going through life and encountering many enemies, I came to learn the quote means something a little more Buddhist and a little less vengeful.
I encountered my first enemies when I was in Secondary school. I was hated by many because I always got what I wanted…. Branded items…. The boys…..
A few years later, I made more enemies when I started dating big names and made more when I started doing well career wise.
Even till this present day, I am making enemies almost like I am a pro at it! Today, the enemies are mostly from the social media frenzy. People who think I am getting more attention than them from well-known people online.
Look! I am a nice person. Well…. I can be nice and I can be a real bitch but I am mostly nice unless you really step on my toes then you will regret it.
All these enemies …. They are the ones who decided they would disconnect themselves from me because of jealousy and chose to do that and talk behind my back instead. If they only could be adults and just be nice, they would get the same attention. But they decide to play the back stabbing game….so be it.
Luckily for me, I’d been through enough of this bullshit, and at this point, I knew better than to cry about it or let it bother me. I laugh at how childish these women are and how desperate they are to get the attention they think I am receiving. Instead of internalizing public hatred and making myself miserable, I brushed it off like a pro.
I forgave them because I didn’t realize until later that karma truly is reliable.
So forgive, but don't forget. Forgive your enemies because they are either insecure, giving in to societal pressures or going through something that makes them feel good about making you feel bad.
You will never cease to make enemies, no matter how old you get, but if you learn how to deal with them — to forgive them — rather than to let them chip away at you, you’ll be ahead of the game.
Confident people don’t seek to bring others down because they’re too busy working on their own empires. Knowledge plus confidence, whether gained through books or “street smarts,” equals open-mindedness.
Open-minded people tolerate whatever situation you’re going through and whoever you are, regardless of what “being you” entails.
If you surround yourself with enough knowledgeable people, the once-in-a-while bully won’t even be a glitch on your radar.
Don't forget, though, we learn the most we know from our worst experiences; your enemies will teach you who to trust and who not to trust. They’ll force you to build character. They might even inspire you to help others through your experiences.
If nothing else, they make for great stories.
And, despite the fact that each enemy had his or her own agenda and channeled his or own hate in different ways, they all did something great for me: They shaped who I am today.
So really….. What does it really mean to keep your enemies close?
We strive to keep friends close in order to enrich our lives. We're also inclined to appraise our interpersonal bonds with consideration for the degree of "closeness" we share with one another. For these reasons, most would instinctively assume that a friend ought to be kept closer than an enemy, and this notion is only strengthened by our natural inclination to move away from unpleasantness towards the pleasant.
This particular idiom is intended to make you think, and it achieves this by creating discord with your expectations and beliefs. At first, the thought of keeping an enemy closer than a friend—or close at all for that matter—sounds preposterous, and this compels you to ponder the idea.
Now, why would you keep an enemy closer than a friend? The closer an enemy is to you, the more intimately you will come to know their capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, tendencies etc. You can use this knowledge to your advantage. A close enemy is also one you're privy to the whereabouts of, so you're much less likely to be caught off-guard.
At another level, an enemy has much—if not more—to teach you about yourself.
Superficially, your own capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies will emerge more prominently in the presence of an enemy, and this serves as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Even deeper, you can learn from the very animosity and opposition which exists between you and your enemy. We can choose to reflect upon why we are enemies with the person in the first place—does it all boil down to a misunderstanding? Am I prejudiced? Not only can we benefit by having our beliefs and capabilities challenged by opposition, but as we develop our understanding of an enemy, we may experience a shift in our regard for them. We may begin to view an enemy with less antagonism, and perhaps in times even come to know them as a friend.
“Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer” means to keep them close, as silent reminders, so you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Today, I am strong.”
** “I DON’T DISLIKE MY HATERS, THEY DISLIKE ME. I’M DOING NOTHING WRONG, I’M JUST BEING ME.” **
Sometimes you just need someone to tell you they love
you...
It also depends......does that person mean it when they
do tell you they love you or are they just saying it out of habit? There's a
big difference.
No doubt it does hurt more when they just spit those
three words out and not even mean it or do anything to prove it.
"Don't say you love me if you don't mean it because
I might do something stupid like believe it."
We should stop trusting words and instead start trusting
actions.
We should also understand that when someone loves you,
they don't have to say it because you should already be able to tell by the way
they treat you.
You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self,
to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. So if you say it, mean it!
It is the same thing with the word "sorry".
You can say "sorry" and "I love you"
as much as you want but if you can't prove it, your words don't mean a thing.
People say hate is strong word, but so is love and people
are throwing that around like it's nothing.
Never say "I love you" if you really don’t
care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there.
Never hold someone's hand if you're going break their
heart.
Never say you're going to if you don't plan to start.
Never look into someone's eyes if all you do is lie.
Never say "hi" if you really mean
"goodbye".
Never take someone's feelings for granted because you
never know how much courage it took for them to express them...
For me, I don’t let people in often and I mean what I
say.
If I tell you that you're my friend that means a lot.
If I tell you I love you, I know that it isn’t just a
phrase or expression and you need to know that I actually love you in the best
and most honest way that I can.
You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes,
or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.
I don’t say I love you out of habit or just for
conversation. When I say it, I really mean it. Why can’t everyone do the same?
Why are there always someone who would mess with someone else’s feelings?
Love ends when you stop caring.
Forgive the heart that hurts you and don't hurt the heart
that loves you.. And don’t ever cry over anyone who won’t cry over you.
Don’t be selfish. If you do not love the way her hair
curls at the ends or her nose wrinkles when she laughs then let her go. If you
don’t see her as a masterpiece then let her go, because someone else will.
Don’t be selfish. If you don’t love the way she sneezes
or the way she dribbles the toothpaste down her chin when she brushes her teeth
then let her go. If your heart doesn’t almost beat out of your chest when you
wake up and the first thing you see is her soundly sleeping on your shoulder,
someone else would kill for that.
Being with someone when you know you don’t love them is
cruel. It's not only cruel, it's holding them back from someone that could give
them everything. Someone that feels waves breaking in their rib cage when they see
her walk around the corner. Someone that has had the worst of days, but
rainbows suddenly appear at the thought of her. Someone who hears the sound of
her voice and it soothes the darkest of nightmares. If that is not you, let her
go. She is wonder, she is magic, she deserves someone who believes that every
single day, not just on certain days.
I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we
are only fated to do the things that we choose.
SO…
Don’t say it unless you mean it and if you mean it, you
better be ready to prove it.
Don’t say she is perfect if she is not good enough for
you.
Don’t say you’re aching if you haven’t felt anywhere near
as she does.
Don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t know what you’ve done
wrong.
Don’t say you want her to be happy if she can’t be happy
with you.
For the ladies, letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care
about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have
control over is yourself.
One simply do not go around destroying the people you say
you love.
"I, thank you, Engelbert Humperdinck, BUT the people I have to thank
most would be your lovely wife Patricia and your children."
People always ask why at my age (a whole 37 years young)
I am such a huge fan of Engelbert Humperdinck? What draws you to his kind of
music?
I grew up on Elvis, Cliff Richard, BREAD, and Engelbert
Humperdinck. That’s all I ever heard playing around my house while I was
growing up. But I took a special liking and interest to Engelbert because of
the fond memories that were created with his music.
I first took a liking to Engelbert at the age of 10. I
didn’t have a bad childhood but I would not say I had the greatest either. It
had its ups and downs although I say more downs… and I thoroughly enjoyed the
days I spent with my maternal grandparents. They were a typical Eurasian family
where music played an important part of our lives.
I remember my grandfather and I would listen to Engelbert
on cassettes! YES cassettes. He introduced me to The Last Waltz and Release Me.
We would sing these songs by heart together. We were never in tune but we had
fun and more importantly, we made fond memories. I remember we used to play the
song and pause it, write the lyrics down, continue playing it…pause it….write
the lyrics…and if we didn’t get it, we would hit the rewind button.
My grandfather and I did this while my grandmother cooked
and cleaned and sang to his songs. It was the happiest times of my growing up
years.
When CDs were IN, they had the lyrics on the CD booklets
and my grandfather and I thought it was the bomb!! I was about 12 then. We
would now listen to Enge’s CDs and read these lyrics and sing along to the songs
together. We laughed so much sometimes that it made us cry. I remember my
grandfather’s grin clearly. In fact, he has the same smile as Engelbert!
As my grandpa got older and I spent lesser time with them
as I was a rebellious teenager by then and was mostly out enjoying with friends…
my grandpa’s eyesight were not as good as it was a few years ago. But I still
loved him dearly and by then, I was introduced to computers. I remember, I
typed every single Engelbert song (lyrics) out in a bigger and bolder font for
him. I passed it to him and the sight of him being so thrilled will always be
something that I will remember clearly.
Our favourite song from Engelbert by then was “Love Me
With All Your Heart”.
Even during those years, I have not seen a single LIVE
performance by Enge. I only knew what he looked like but never saw any videos!
There was no such thing as YouTube back then.
My teenage years were rough. I was always so unhappy and
depressed. I was on a downhill. Suicide played on my mind. What saved me?
Believe it or not, music did! Mostly Engelbert songs. I would recall the happy
times with my grandfather.
When I got married and moved from Singapore to America,
my grandpa put a bow on an Engelbert CD that had “Love Me With All Your Heart”
on it. The first few years living in a foreign country with total strangers
around me, I cried every day. I was homesick but again what made me smile again
was Engelbert’s music. By then, I found DVDs and YouTube videos and watched Engelbert
LIVE for the first time and I was even more hooked than I was. I read up more
about him and learned about him. I am one to always have a good first instinct
and just by watching his LIVE performances, I felt that this man had no airs. A
few years later, I would find out that my instincts would be correct.
In 2002, my beloved grandfather passed away. He passed
away on the date Engelbert was born; May 2. Coincidence? Probably. But to me, I
felt there was a meaning to it. I still don’t know what it is though…
I was devastated. He was the pillar in my life. He was
the one male figure I trusted with my life and was the one I knew who truly
loved me. And now he is gone….
During his final send off, we sang “Love Me With All Your
Heart” in Church. I am sure he would have been smiling down at us.
As my life was again slowly falling apart, Engelbert
saved me. His music kept me going. It kept good memories alive and little did I
know, Engelbert would now create new memories for me.
To honour my grandfather and the memories I have of him,
and of Engelbert who helped create those memories with my grandfather, I had a
tattoo done with my favourite part of my grandfather’s and my favouite
Engelbert song; Love Me With All Your Heart.
In 2003, I was finally making good money in USA and when
I heard Engelbert would be performing in Connecticut USA (an hour away from
where I lived), I bought my mum an air ticket to come visit from Singapore so
we could attend the concert together. It would be the first time I am seeing
this great man LIVE. And it would be the first time I would get to meet
Engelbert and build new memories.
So you ask why I love Engelbert? Because Engelbert have
saved me many times and he still continues to do so. When I am down or
depressed, I turn on his songs and I am all smiles again.
It will be hard for anyone really to understand but it
doesn’t matter. As long as I know. That is all that matters.
The fact that through it all, I have also made new friends
through the same interest; Engelbert Humperdinck.
-----
I, thank you, Engelbert Humperdinck, for playing such an
important part of my early life up till now. BUT the people I have to thank
most would be your lovely wife Patricia and your children. Without the love of
Patricia and her constant faith in you, you wouldn’t be here doing what you do
best. She never lost faith that you would be a star even in the tough times.
Patricia is definitely a woman of strength. I could never
do what she had done and continue to do up till now. I would not have been able
to ‘share’ my husband with the millions of women around the world who adored
him.
Then I have to thank your children. I am certain they had
their fair share of sacrifices they had to make while sharing their beloved
father with the world. The many times you had to miss possibly milestones in
their lives. I am also certain even up till now, they still face difficulties
of being the children of Engelbert Humperdinck.
So truly, I not only THANK YOU. I thank your wife and children
for sharing you with me and the rest of the world.
Early this year I saw them advertising for a Tom Jones concert here in Singapore, and that got me feeling kind of disappointed. I know he has a big fan base here but for me, personally, I would rather if it was Engelbert.
Then April 30, I still had a bunch of concert credits untouched for the year 2016 and I tweeted... "So NKOTB isn't touring this year. So what should I use my concert credits for? Backstreet Boys or Engelbert?"
What I did not expect was to be tagged to an Engelbert Live in Singapore photo on Facebook the very next morning!! I am glad I have good friends who know what I like! But to think I had just tweeted about it and now it is confirmed he will be in Singapore.... I was absolutely shocked!
I have after all been checking the tour page on Engelbert's website ever so often and was even told in December last year by someone close to him that Engelbert will be in Singapore soon.... but I was never one to believe it till it happens!!
This could actually have been better if I got the news on May 2 which happens to be Engelbert's 80th birthday and also the day my grandfather passed away. Why these two occasions have such a great meaning to me? Well, I shared a very special bond with my grandfather. I have such wonderful memories of him and I listening to Engelbert CDs together. My grandfather's favourite song was "Love Me With All Your Heart" and we sang it at his funeral and 4 years ago, I had part of the lyrics tattooed on my arm in honour of Engelbert and also my Grandpa. So May 2 does hold special memories to me.
People ask why at my age I am such a huge fan of Engelbert? Why can't I be? I was introduced to his songs at a young age.... I made special memories with my mum and grandfather through Engelbert's music. His music had helped me push through difficult times in my life. Watching Engelbert's concert DVDs gives me goose bumps. This man has such a powerful stage presence!! You feel it just by watching his concert DVD and you can only imagine what it is like when you're right there watching him perform LIVE.
Between the year 2003 and 2012, I got to see him LIVE in concert 5 times. Twice in America, once in Malaysia and two more times in Singapore. Every show held special memories and Engelbert never fails to wow me!
I have also had the honour of meeting the man twice between 2003 and 2012. What you see is what you get. He's a stunning human being. So full of love. So down to earth. It was after the first meeting that my love for him grew a lot more. I admired him more. And I respected him more. The love he gave to his fans was admirable! The love for him grew more in 2012 when we met him again. It was during a time I was struggling to cope with personal issues and being able to have that opportunity of a lifetime again helped see me through the roughest of time. Yes, Engelbert does have that effect on me somehow.
Not to mention, I got an Engelbert FOLLOW on Twitter which almost knocked me off my chair when it happened! Ha. And this sweet man would always cheer me up by showing me attention on Twitter. Either replying to my tweets, or Retweeting or Liking them. Then on Instagram too. What more can I say about this man with a big heart. His love for his fans is simply amazing!
Fast forward two years later, I started to get to know people close and dear to Engelbert. Which made this whole fan experience even more exciting....however, through the months, through the chats and through the years, I have learned to accept them as individuals and not because of who they are or if they are associated with Engelbert. Of course, watching Engelbert now will never be the same but..... you get what I mean....
Yes, I would love to meet Engelbert again but I will not ask those people for a backstage pass because it is just the person I am. As I said, I love them as individuals and will not use them to get to Engelbert. I will research and do it my way.
So back to when his concert was announced.... it did not give any prices for tickets but I was expecting it to be on the high side since the venue was already mentioned. I started my countdown timer....the first countdown was to when ticket sales started and the second was to his actual concert!
May 6 would be when tickets went on sale. The day before I had already installed the ticket purchase application on my phone and walked through it so I won't stumble when it was time.
When ticket sales started, I was out for a meeting. Actually, I was in the car heading for my meeting..... I got on the app and tried to book the front row tickets. But the application somehow kept assigning lousy seats. I was getting frustrated and also nervous as the clock was ticketing.... so I called the ticketing hotline and YES! I managed to get front row seats!! Happily gave my credit card number and it was confirmed! YES!! I will be in the front row watching Engelbert this July 15!!
Right after my meeting, I headed to the box office so I could collect the physical tickets up. Oh yes, I wanted to hold it in my hot little hand!!
.... I thought I would be happy with just seeing Engelbert in Singapore but beginning of June, his website announced a concert in Manila!! It will be five days before the Singapore concert. Now I am stressed because I would love to be there for that show as well.... but I do not like going to Manila. I guess it kind of settled my problem about whether to go or not when the website did not allow anyone without a Philippines credit card to purchase the concert tickets. But days passed and I really wanted to go for a second Engelbert concert!! So I asked a colleague to help me book the tickets and paid her for it. Wish I had thought about it earlier because I waited too long and I am in the 6th row!! Oh well....better than nothing....
So I got my Engelbert Manila concert tickets too, Flights and hotel booked. I am all set for an adventure.
Now tickets secured.... I had to find outfits for both shows.
My Singapore outfit was inspired by someone close to Enge himself. So I am excited about that one.
For Manila I had to come up with something as I was advised by my Filipino friends that since I will be there alone, that I should try not to dress too revealing. So I decided to bling an outfit!
And then it was the posters....I know in Asia, not many who attend an Engelbert concert will have posters but I wanted to go all out and so I made two posters! Why be like the rest when you can be different and stand out?
As you can tell, I am extremely excited. I have so much planned. This only just started. I have a whole bunch of stuff I still need to finish within the next 13 days before I fly out to Manila for my first Engelbert concert this 2016!!
Can't believe when I first started this countdown, it was at 72 days...and now I only have 13 days!!
Still cannot believe I will finally be seeing Engelbert again!
It is the day after we said our last goodbye to my Mama.
Every time I mentioned "Mama" many of my
friends in other parts of the world had thought it was my mother. But I cannot
blame them. Customs and traditions are different here in Asia. "Mama"
is actually what the Chinese would call their dad's mother.
It was a long week…emotional and draining. When we got
home from the crematorium yesterday, I slept for hours!! It was sleep I needed,
sleep that I had lost the last 4 days.
Today, we went on with our usual routine because it was what
my Mama wanted. She did not want us mourning for her after we said our last
goodbye. Right after the cremation, as we tossed away our white t-shirts and
arm patches, that was the last of our mourning for her.
Let’s rewind back to five days ago.
I vaguely remember my mum coming home in the afternoon,
and telling me, “Mama had passed away… Papa has gone to help settle things for
her funeral…”
It didn’t really hit me then. I went on with my usual
Sunday routine with the family. I did not even know how to comfort my dad when
he got home to rest…. What do I say to him? What do I do? All I asked was if
there was anything I could do to help, to let me know….
Mama passing on was something I never expected even
though she was 97 years old. I guess in the back of my mind, I thought she
would live forever since she was such a strong woman. But who really does live
forever right? Silly me.
Reality did not even hit me when my mum and I took my
kids to the funeral parlour to pay our respects on the second day. Seeing my
Mama lying in the coffin so peaceful did not even hit me because she looked as
if she was just sleeping. It started to hit hard on the 3rd day when
the monks came in for the evening prayers and when the chanting was going on…. my
Mama was gone. But being the “strong” person that I am and always portrayed
myself to be, I secretly let out a few tears and quickly wiped them away
pretending to still be strong. It was killing me deep down inside but I never
was one to show my weakness by crying and letting everyone see me cry.
I finally let the tears flow that night when I got home
and was in bed trying to get some sleep. I sobbed quietly and tears just flowed
like a river. I was filled with so much regrets….things I could have or should
have done when my Mama was still alive.
I was not her first grandchild unlike on my mum’s side
where I was the first and thus I was spoilt rotten. But that does not mean she
did not love me. I know she did love me very much and she had her own way of spoiling
me and giving me attention.
When I was born, my parents told me how excited my Mama
was. She paid big money to buy me gold and not to mention pearls that were
crushed so I could drink it for great complexion when I grew up. She lived in
the North side of Singapore and we lived in the East and every week, she would
take the public bus and travel and hour or so to visit with me. Every time, she
would be carrying me or holding me…. Of course I don’t remember most of that
but I believe so because of all the photos I have seen of her with me. You will
not find a single photo where my Mama wasn’t fussing over me.
When I was about 17 years old, my dad brought me a pair
of gold dangly earrings. He told me my Mama had given it to me and that she had
designed it herself. I was a self-centered teen and did not think much of it
then….thinking that she had given all her grandchildren some kind of gold…..
until we attended a family event one day and I wore those earrings because I
somehow wanted to show my Mama I appreciated her giving it to me (even though I
still thought then that I wasn’t the only one who got it). I remember we were
all together talking and my Mama was there looking at the earrings on me with
her sweet smile. It was when all my other cousins had left, when she pointed at
the earrings, gave me thumbs up, smiled and said “swee ah”… (‘swee’ meant
pretty/beautiful). It was then I realized, I probably was the only grandchild
who got that special designed gold earrings.
I was not super close to my Mama like how I was and still
is with my granny (maternal grandmother). But I grew up with my granny and
practically lived with her half my life. But that did not mean I did not love
my Mama.
We would visit her every once in a while but even so,
there was always a communication barrier. She only spoke Teochew which I could
not. I wish she at least spoke Mandarin so we could have talked. But whatever
we had to say to each other was always being translated by my dad.
She may look like a very traditional Chinese woman but
trust me; she is the coolest traditional Chinese woman you will ever come
across!! She would always like seeing me with my tattoos or coloured hair, or
many earrings, etc. I always looked forward to her salted duck soup during
Chinese New Year.
My Mama was a very neat and well-dressed woman. She was vain
and always carried herself real well. She always said, “Being married does not
given any woman any excuse to not make up or dress well… a woman must always
continue to carry herself well so that her husband will not get bored of her.” ….Wise
words from my Mama.
I now think I know where my strength as a woman come from…
not only from my own mother but from both my grandmas. Which makes me almost
Iron woman huh?
My Mama raised five children on her own when my
grandfather passed away when my dad was still quite young. The struggles she
went through to feed them and give them an education. Something which takes
real strength and to really be admired for!
During her wake, I learned something else about my Mama….
I was made aware of what a great woman she was and how
big a heart she had. Not that I did not know that already… but it only made
more sense…
I was told about how they owned houses along Telok Kurau
and even after my grandfather had passed away, and when she was struggling to
support five kids, she would still take care of the other kids in the
neighbourhood. The kids were not just Chinese but Malays, Indians and
Eurasians. The kids in the neighbourhood would call her “Mama”.
I was so proud to learn about that of my Mama.
She accepted my mum with open arms even though my mum
wasn’t a Chinese. That alone makes me respect my Mama even more!
The last few years of her life were a bit crazy. She had
her mood swings and could not recognize family and such. I did not visit her
much as she lived with an aunt I did not care so much for due to personal
issues. I only visited her a few times when she was at the hospital. For that,
I truly have lots of regrets. But with the issue between that Aunt and me….I
had every reason to avoid her for I felt she was a threat to my child and I
then.
I wish things could have been different but as they say, “Could
have, would have, should have….”
But hearing stories about my Mama during her wake was
comforting.
My aunt was telling me about my Mama preparing for her
own funeral years before. She planned out all she wanted at her funeral and she
even designed her Cheongsam which she wanted to be sent off in for her final
journey. She even had her under garments packed away with the Cheongsam. I
giggled when I heard that. But what was funnier was when my aunt continued with
the story…..
Ten years later, my Mama said the Cheongsam is not
outdated because the one she had prepared had big flowers and now small flowers
on Cheongsam was in style…..and so she designed yet another Cheongsam with
small flowers to have it packed away for her final journey and donated the
previous one. That wasn’t it…..her under garments?? She washed them every year
and put them back together with her Cheongsam. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Oh….she also asked for a long zip for the Cheongsam she
designed and when asked why a long zip? Her reply was priceless…. “Because when
I die, I will be stiff, so it will be easier for you to put the Cheongsam on me”.
She was a Buddhist and during a Buddhist funeral, the
immediate family members will have to sit through an hour long prayers at least
with kneeling. My Mama said, “When I die, all of you sit down and don’t kneel
because all of you will be old by then and once you kneel, you won’t be able to
stand up and I don’t want any injuries…”
How can you not love this woman? Who did not love this
woman? She had such a lovely character and a good natured woman!
I did not understand the traditions and such of the
Buddhist faith so when we went for my Mama’s wake, it was a learning
experience. From bowing and offering a joss stick each time we came to the wake…..to
wearing a white top and a cloth patch on your right arm to symbolize if you
were the grandchild, great-grandchildren, son or daughter, etc. Different
colours symbolized a different family member. I wore a full white patch to
symbolize I was the grand daughter who was married.
During the prayers when the monks were chanting, my mum,
daughter and I joined in. We needed to be told what to do but we did as we were
taught. It was our last show of respect to a woman who showed no hate.
The day before her final journey, after the evening
prayers, we walked out of the parlour and sent a house over to the other side
of the world for my Mama when she gets there. It was a house made of paper that
we burned. Still it did not hit me yet……
On the final day before our final goodbyes….I lost it
during the prayers. I could not remain the strong person that I was any longer.
Seeing my dad mourning the loss of his mother and looking mighty frail himself,
I was hurting inside. Then seeing my daughter cry when she hardly even knew my
Mama but the few times she had visited with her…..the final view of my Mama
before her coffin was closed was the hardest. It would be the last we would all
see her physically on this earth. Tears just rolled down my cheeks like a river….as
I comforted my parents and my daughter putting aside my own grief.
As her coffin was placed in the hearse, the immediate
family were to follow behind, walking on foot, for a block before getting in to
the chartered bus that would follow behind the hearse and take us to the
crematorium. Oh and we could not use shoes or slippers, we were all given white
socks and wore it till after the cremation.
I stayed closed to my parents and daughter to make sure
they would be alright.
More prayers at the crematorium where the immediate
family walked around my Mama’s coffin three times as the monk chanted prayers.
It wasn’t easy knowing this is almost coming to an end…
Finally the family made our way to the ‘viewing gallery’.
I knew this would be the toughest part. I had to be strong! I had to put my own
grief aside because I had to make sure my parents and daughter would be alright……
The song playing in the background sent chills down my
spine as we see my Mama’s coffin wait being cremated. As I am holding my dad
who needed support most, I was shaking and could not stop the tears. I think it
was the most I have cried in the five days. My dad had held his composure as
well until my Mama’s coffin was sent in the room to be cremated and as the doors
closed behind it, my dad lost his composure and gave out the most heartbreaking
cry I have ever heard from him. I lost it but had to keep at being strong as he
needed me at that point.
Rest in Peace Mama. You have had a good long life but you
have also worked hard. It is now time for you to rest.
I will take care of Papa. You don’t have to worry about that.
We were really blessed to have had my Mama’s love and
presence in our lives for so many years. Losing her has been a very painful
experience for not only me, but everyone whose lives she had touched.
This has truly been a time where our faith was being tested.
It has not been easy to accept her death while I am sure that she is in a much
better place, it is still difficult to let go.
To my family:
Every family has their issues and problems. But I am
proud that we put all our differences aside during Mama’s final farewell.
Again, I would like to thank my friends who sent my family
and I words of comfort through FB comments or private messages, emails,
Whatsapp messages and text messages.... your loving support has been a great
help. Thank you for being there when we needed you most. No words could ever
express our appreciation for the love and support you have shown to us. We are
deeply grateful.
On behalf of my family, I thank you.
R.I.P. Mama. You will forever be missed but never
forgotten.
I would like to take this opportunity to wish this great
man a very Happy Birthday and would like to wish him lots of love and health!
His birthday is an occasion for celebration! Although
extraordinary persons like him should be celebrated every day, not just once a
year!
The advantage of him being 80 is that throughout his
life, he had the opportunity to spread his love through music to so many
people.
Engelbert Humperdinck was born Arnold Dorsey in Madras,
India on May 2, 1936. He was 30 when he had his first hit ‘Release Me’. Then in
1967, Engelbert had three hits that went on to become classics with ‘There Goes
My Everything’, ‘The Last Waltz’ and ‘Release Me’. These three songs he cannot
not do today at his concerts. I have attended four of his concerts and I do not
recall once that he did not do any of those three songs!!
Strangely, I was only born 10 years after that, yet I am
a huge fan! His music has helped me through difficult periods in my life. His
music and him alone have allowed me to make special and fond memories with my
mother and my late grandfather. He may not know it but in his own special way,
he has helped me through life… I hope to get that opportunity in July to meet
him again and tell him.
I want to tell him ‘thank you for being there for me no
matter what’. He is a wonderful source of joy. He brings so much joy through
his music and his special ways and now he's sending out love and good vibes via
Twitter.
I shared the love for Engelbert Humperdinck; a great
entertainer and human being with another great man; my late grandfather. I will
never forget the times I would listen to Engelbert’s music with
my grandpa. His favourite was “Love Me With All Your Heart”. We even sang it in Church before sending my grandpa off on his final journey. Till this day, I
cry whenever I listen to that song. But it is the most beautiful song! So to
honour these two great man, I had part of the lyrics to the song tattooed on my
arm. I am fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to show it to Engelbert
himself personally in 2012 when we met in Singapore.
Words alone are not enough to express how happy I am that
Engelbert is celebrating another year of his life! My wish for him on his
birthday is that he is, and will always be, happy and healthy! Always stay the
same Enge - genuine and true.
May your special day bring you an extra share of
everything that makes you the happiest in the world. Hoping your day will be as
special as you are.
Today my husband and I will celebrated our 16th
wedding anniversary. It is amazing how time passes with the blink of an eye.
When we got married, I weighed about 120 pounds. And yes, I thought I was heavy
even then. Fast forward sixteen years, two kids and about a zillion pounds
later, one thing hasn’t changed. That man I married still makes me feel like I
am the only woman on Earth for him.
This evening, we will spend a few hours alone together. We
will have a nice dinner and listen to some good music performed by an old friend
of mine. We can talk and laugh about the past, present and future…. and like
the clock striking midnight in Cinderella, we will head back home to our
beautiful ordinary life so gratefully knowing how blessed we have been all these
years.
To me, I feel that wedding anniversaries are most enjoyable
when the couple has stood the test of time, faced the storm and the rain and
yet are still together. And it is such a joyous moment when family and friends
come congratulating them for having made it so far…. That is exactly where my
husband and I are.
Our marriage may have been a bumpy ride with many speed
breakers but that is what that has made us circumvent those obstacles.
My friends often quote my marriage as an example of a perfect
marriage but what they fail to see is that the honest truth is that my marriage
is actually the coolest adventure that two people ever took!
The adventure that most would think are only stories they
would read in books which may not even be true but for both my husband and I,
we know it is for real because we are the characters in that story…
A girl from a small but bustling city, meeting a guy from a
small quiet town 12,000 miles away from her. How did they meet? Over the
internet. The adventures of traveling half way around the world to see if this
connection of love was as true as it was in real life than over the internet.
The heartaches of leaving everything I had built behind and not to mention
family and friends so I could build a new life in a country (America) I had
always dreamed of moving to. The pains of adjusting to a new country where I
would be an ‘alien’. The pains of settling immigration matters.
But we did it together. We made it work because we worked
together. There was never an “I” or “Me” or “Yours”…. It was always “Us” and
“Ours”. That’s the difference.
Imagine, we made a long distance relationship work long
before there was Facebook, Skype, or even Whatsapp. We depended on emails,
mIRC, messenger, and tons of calling cards which we spent a fortune on. But we
made it work.
And as my husband and I continue to grow old together, I
know for a fact that every wrinkle would signify a beautiful memory that we
have shared together as husband and wife.
Our marriage is nowhere near perfect. We fight like any
other married couples do. But we work things out and move on. The important
thing is, we support each other and encourage each other to be better people
and to do the best we can whether as parents or at work.
I hope my husband will know that every time when we do fight
or argue, I may have a thousand reasons to be angry at him….but I also want him
to remember that I also have a million reasons to love him too.
Through it all, the best thing that we have done together is
raising two beautiful smart children.
Nevertheless, on our 16th anniversary, I would
like my husband to know how much I have enjoyed annoying him all this time and
how excited I am to keep doing so in the years to come…. *wink*
When I got married, I did not only get a husband but a best
friend.
So my dear friends, if you would be so kind to raise your
glasses with me: to sixteen years of marriage and a lifetime of good health,
love and happiness.
The date was February 19th 2012 – that was
four years ago to date.
This date will forever hold perfect memories of a
lifetime… or until I grow old and senile or start suffering from dementia…. but
until that happens (hopefully not)… I hope to forever keep this memory close to
my heart.
Months prior to this date, I heard Engelbert Humperdinck
would be performing in Singapore again. I was thrilled as the last my mum and I
saw him in concert was in the year 2010 but I will get to that later… Of course
I bought the most expensive tickets for both my mum and me. Unfortunately, we
did not get the best seats as I was so caught up with work and did not buy the
tickets when it first went on sale. But we were just glad to get tickets even
though we were in the 16th row or something like that from the
stage.
Gosh the last we saw Engelbert in concert before this was
in June of 2010 in Malaysia. We did not get to meet him though. But before
that, we saw him in concert for the first time in October of 2003. I was then
living in USA and I bought my mum a plane ticket to come visit me from Singapore so
we could go see Engelbert at Foxwoods Casino. That was our first Engelbert
concert and the first time we got to meet him!!
Anyway, to fast forward all the nitty gritty details…. my
mum and I were fortunate enough to be given backstage passes to meet the Legend
himself again and not just that, but we were given concert tickets – front row
seats!
Engelbert was amazing as always. He gave his best to his
fans who like both my mum and I, thoroughly enjoyed every single minute of the
concert. I was torn though…. towards the end of the concert, I was feeling sad
as the concert was over and I did not know when I would see him perform again….but
I was also excited because we will finally get to go backstage!
As both my mum and I sat backstage and waited for
Engelbert, we mingled with his band members and I swear my heart was beating so
hard and fast I thought it was going to pop right out of my chest! A few
minutes after, Engelbert walked out and everything felt a lot better. I guess
that is the kind of energy he gives out…. He lets you feel so much at ease to
be around him.
He was absolutely gorgeous inside and out!! First thing
he did was to give both my mum and I the biggest and warmest hug. Yes, he gives
the best hugs!! We introduced ourselves and we just talked as if we had known
one another for a long time. I showed him the tattoo on my arm that had part of
the lyrics to “Love Me With All Your Heart” and he said to me, “you mean you
had it tattooed?” I went on to explain that I did it in memory of my
grandfather as it was his favourite song.
The best part about this meeting was the fact that we
also got to meet his family; Scott, Louise and Patricia!! My regret…. that we
did not ask to have a photo taken together!!! I sure hope we get that chance
one day in the near future.
We presented him with a little award we had made for him
and also had him sign on one which we had planned to put in our showcase.
It was a meeting of a lifetime!! Engelbert has got such a
beautiful warm heart. You can’t help but love him and feel so much love for him
especially when you’re standing right in front of him and looking in to his
eyes.
Till this day, I am still very grateful to the Legend
himself for taking the time out to meet with both my mum and me after his
performance. I especially appreciated it because I know he must have been
exhausted, yet he gave us so much love. I am also truly grateful to the people
who made it possible for us to make this memory.
No one can take Engelbert’s place. In fact, lots of other
celebrities should follow in his footsteps. He’s so down to earth. He gives so
much back to his fans. He appreciates his fans and never fails to show it to
them every single day. He takes the trouble to respond to his fans on social
media. He makes us feel special. This is a true gentleman. A true celebrity who
deserves all the success.
He may not know it, but a simple gesture of ‘liking’ or ‘retweeting’
my tweets about him ,goes a long way. It can turn my most awful day in to the
best day ever. It can put a smile on my face for the whole day and it lifts my
spirits up without fail…. And when he does ‘tweet’ me….. I am on cloud 9.
I am one person who has to deal with a lot on my plate so
in all honesty, Engelbert has been helping (without even knowing) me see the
brighter side to things and life in general.
I hope to tell it to him one day. I hope to get to thank
him one day.
“Never underestimate a girl’s love for her favourite
band/singer. Never think, even for a minute, that she won’t defend them to her
death. Because it’s not just the music that makes the band/singer her
favourite. It’s the guys, it’s the girls, it’s the fans. People whom of which
she has interacted with, thanks to the band/singer. That band/singer might have
saved her life. Or maybe they just make her smile every day. That girl’s
favourite band/singer, they have never broken her heart. They have yet to leave
her. No wonder she finds such joy in her music.”
The date was February 8, 1992 – twenty four years ago. I
was a few months shy of being thirteen years old. Have been a fan of NKOTB
since I was 10 years old. So meaning, I had to wait three whole years before I
got to see them LIVE in concert in my country, Singapore!
My family were not very rich. We were not poor either.
When NKOTB announced they would hold a concert in Singapore, my dad had to buy
three tickets. One for me, one for my brother and one for my mother who had to
chaperon us…but don’t let her kid you…she was a fan too! We didn’t get the
most expensive tickets, but we did get the tier below the most expensive.
Imagine ticket prices then were only S$30, S$40, and S$70
yet we could not afford the most expensive tickets.
We had nose bleed land seats. NKOTB were as big as my
thumb from where I was standing. But I was just happy to be there, to experience
them LIVE. I won’t deny I was envious of the girls who were out in the front…. and
wished I was them….
Who had cams with zoom back then? I did not even own my
own camera! The photo you see at the beginning of this post are photos from the
actual February 8 concert here in Singapore but it wasn’t me who took them. I
had recently gone down to the press room to pull out these old photographs and
purchased them at S$8 a piece!! Daylight robbery but all worth it.
I remember planning for this concert weeks in advance. I
made a poster with silver sparkles. I planned what I would wear (denim mini
skirt, NKOTB t-shirt and a black hat like what Jordan Knight wore). The day
came and we were at the Indoor Stadium hours before hoping we could catch the
boys as they arrived.
They did. We saw them. But they were quickly rushed in to
the venue by security. We climbed the walls just to get a peek! I saw them for
a brief second before security drew the curtains closed.
In all honesty, I don’t really recall everything about
the concert. I can’t exactly remember the songs they sang or what I actually did
during the whole duration. I wish I did remember.
I was just happy I got to fulfill that dream of seeing
them LIVE. I had everything with their name and face on…from jackets to
sweaters, towels, books, magazines, dolls, water bottles, etc etc. I swore I
would one day go to Boston to find them…. (which I did 7 years later but that
is a story for later)…
I watched their concerts videos on VHS over and over
again till I memorized every bit of it.
I was a Donnie girl in the beginning until I learned he
was a bad boy then I kind of gradually moved to Jordan because he was handsome.
I guess I never realized at that age that the bad boys are actually the
hottest!
They disbanded not too long after their concert in
Singapore which left me with a broken heart but I soon got over it and although
I kept listening to their songs whenever…. I was also a teenager and started to
date and I slowly forgot the NKOTB. Not exactly forgot them but I wasn’t crazy
madly deeply in love with them. I was in love with other boys.
But I held the memories of NKOTB close and dear to my
heart.
Seven years later, I moved to Boston after meeting my
husband online. But it never hit me then that seven years ago, I swore I would
get to Boston to look for guys from NKOTB! I lived in Boston Massachusetts for a
good seven years without the thought of maybe looking them up. My god!! Jon
Knight was in real estate…..I was in real estate!! We could have met in our
course of work but I never gave that a thought until 2007 when I met this lady
by the name of Carol through MySpace.
Carol knew I was a Jordan Girl although I do not remember
putting it on my profile. But she told me he would be doing a solo concert and
asked if I would go with her. And so we did. I got to meet Jordan for the first
time in 18 years! The funny part was when I told him about the story and he
said, “Where have you been? We are practically neighbours!”
It was then I started to get back in to the NKOTB craze.
I still tease my hubby saying I only married him because
I wanted to move to Boston to meet NKOTB!
Sadly, I moved back to Singapore in late 2007 for a
better future for my children and not long after NKOTB announced their reunion.
Dammit! If I knew, I would have remained in Boston a few more years longer!
Five years later, they finally announced an Asia concert
although not in Singapore.
I paid big money to attend both shows in Jakarta and
Manila and took my mum with me. It was a dream come true! I finally get to meet
the boys in person after all these years. It was everything I could not have
imagined. I honestly do not think it would have been the same if it happened 20
years ago when they were in Singapore as they were young and so was I. The
meeting was perfect. I still remember every detail of it like it was just
yesterday.
They sure are five amazing guys. Not just in talent and
looks but personality. They give their all to their fans and that means a lot.
Not many celebrities are like that.
A reporter even interviewed me about my meeting with the
guys and had a full page article on it.
And a year later, the same reporter who I had become
friends with… invited me to her house when she did a phone interview with the
guys.
NKOTB had played an important role in my life and they
still do today. They took me away from all my sadness and hurt. Listening to
their songs took me to a different place where everything was better. My
husband knows it thus why he kind of supports my obsession with them.
The many times Donnie made contact with me via Twitter or
Facebook sent me to Cloud 9 and kept me happy for days. My hubby says to me, “That
is a fine gentleman and as much as I do not fancy NKOTB, I love how they treat
their fans and especially how they make you happy.”
Yes, I am a Jor-nnie girl and proud to be. What is a
Jor-nnie girl? I am torn between loving Jordan and Donnie. That does not mean I
do not like the other 3 guys. Danny is pretty quiet but a sweetheart. I will
forever remember how comfortable he made us feel during M&G when he petted
the sofa and asked my mum and I to join him. Joey has a memory of an elephant
and comes up with the most random stuff. Jon is a sweetheart! But my heart
belongs mostly to Donnie!
Donnie can make my god awful day turn sunny and bright
instantly by just being him! You can never ask for a better human being than
him. God did a fantastic job and sent him to us.
And through these 5 guys, I have made good friends whom
are known as BH sisters. We share the same interest, the same love for the
guys. We do not just talk about the guys 24-7 but we confide in one another
even with personal issues. I am fortunate to have met many great sisters who
never fail to put a smile on my face on a daily basis. But I have also met bad
apples who are simply just jealous, arrogant and rude! But there are bad apples
everywhere you go so I do not let them bother me. But I would like to shout out
to the few BH sisters who I am in touch with on a regular basis….. I love you
girls!!
As Alex Gaskarth once said, “Never underestimate a girl’s
love for her favourite band. Never think, even for a minute, that she won’t
defend them to her death. Because it’s not just the music that makes that band
her favourite. It’s the guys, it’s the girls, it’s the fans. People whom of
which she has interacted with, thanks to the band. That band might have saved
her life. Or maybe they just make her smile every day. That girl’s favorite
band, they’ve never broken her heart. They have yet to leave her. No wonder she
finds such joy in her music.”
I was surfing Facebook as usual and I come across this
article/link about “10 Signs That You Once Were In an All-Girls School”. Of
course it caught my attention because I was from an all-girls school. I wanted
to see how much truth was in that article and how much bullshit too.
So here are my thoughts….
Just in case, if you would like to read the whole
article, it can be found at this URL:
I am not sure if it was the best decision my parents had
ever made for me but I am guessing it was the most convenient as my mum was
from Katong Convent, and technically there wasn’t much needed for me to get a
direct entrance in to this popular all-girls school. But I am glad they chose
the easy route and that I went to KC. So much life lessons learned during my
years of schooling there, so many great friends made who I am still in touch
with today and best of all, so many wonderful memories made.
But emerging with great stories and lifelong friends even
after graduation and after all these years…. I cannot disagree with that.
OK so the first
sign they mentioned was “There is no Valentine’s Day. Only Friendship Day.”
This is utter rubbish because I remember us celebrating
Valentine’s Day on February 14 and Friendship Day somewhere in August if I am
not mistaken. Of course Valentine’s Day in an all-girls school would mean that
we just exchanged cards and gifts… some would buy themselves flowers from the
market across from our school. But being from KC, we were lucky that St
Patrick’s (all-boys school) was right across the street from us and was connected
by a bridge that was called “the love bridge”.
For me, personally, I always celebrated Valentine’s Day
since the day I started life in KC Secondary school and yes, I would be one of
those girls who would be spoiling the market because I never had to buy myself
flowers on Valentine’s Day. Be it a boy from St Patrick’s or Maris Stella. (You
know who you are because you’re still on my FB friend list!!)
Still on this topic, my group of friends and I got the
all-girls school nonsense beat. During school hours, we were with the girls but
after school, it was a whole different story. We’d make friends with the guys
when we hung out at Parkway Parade and better still, we took Squash
(Racquetball) for CCA so we could go over to St Patrick’s School for lessons.
We sit with our
legs open in class
It says in the article that the more “chor lor” (meaning;
rough or crude in Hokkien) you are, the better. What nonsense!! Have you heard
our school’s motto, “Simple in Virtue, Steadfast in Duty”? Haha…..
But seriously…. I know some girls then who sat like truck
drivers. They would have their PE shorts under their uniforms so no matter how
wide their legs were apart when they sat, you will never see their panty!
For me, I was a little “chor lor” but deep down I was
still a lady. I sat with my legs crossed all the time… well mostly…. if you
would consider these photos below “chor lor”…. but to my defense, I was wearing
jeans.
We have a
#girlsquad
I don’t think back then we knew how to use hashtags (#)
or what exactly they were except for calling it the pound sign. I also do not
think we called our group of close friend the ‘girlsquad’. To be honest, I
don’t recall what we called ourselves or what we were referred to as. You could
not say gang because that would be a BIG no-no at that time…. So whatever it
was, we did have our own little group of friends who were almost inseparable.
We were ever so ready to beat up the guy who made our friend cry. We shared
every little secret with one another and at times we even fought over the same
guy… but through it all, we were still the best of friends.
Every male teacher
is an eye-candy
Say what you want. As much as eye-candy options were
limited in an all-girls school…we were not blind, desperate or stupid. With
the male teachers we had for choices …. if they were the last guys on earth,
even at that young age, I would rather be single or lesbian.
You can
shamelessly ask to borrow a pad
I am not too sure about this though. If I remember
correctly, during my time in school, we would be embarrassed about periods or
having to change in class, in front of all our classmates when we had PE
classes.
I guess times have changed and girls these days are more
open and straight forward when it comes to things like this. I think it is because of the different upbringing. Girls these days are more exposed to sex education classes and parents are
also a lot more open when it comes to the birds and the bees.
Everyone farts
Excuse me?? Of course it is human to fart but KC girls
don’t go around farting like truck drivers! As I said “Simple in Virtue,
Steadfast in Duty”. But seriously, I have never ever heard any girl I was with
fart and neither did I. Even till today, after 15 years of marriage, my hubby
have not heard me fart. Don’t believe me? Ask him!! A lady always does it
(fart) discreetly….
You Watch Mean
Girls
I don’t even know what Mean Girls is? A movie? A TV show?
Back then, we WERE the MEAN girls!!
You had to play
the male lead
True that someone had to do it when we had plays and such
as we could not just ignore the male characters. Who would be Macbeth or Romeo?
However, I never once was asked to play any male roles as I was too girly-girl.
Popular kids wore
really short skirts
According to this article the nerds wore skirts below
their knees and the cool girls wore short skirts way above the knee….
I have to say although that statement could be quite true
in most all-girls school….My friends and I got that beat!! We were cooler in
every sense of the word COOL. We made fashion statements. We made the school
Principal seem fickle minded.
In the beginning, the school rule was to never have your
uniforms above your knee. You should not wear socks that were too short. Do not
puff out your uniforms over your belts…blah blah blah….. FINE! We wore our
uniforms touching our knees, with our belts loose, and high socks. We made it
so fashionable that the Principal had to bite her tongue making a statement
saying that we could not do that…. So it was back to the short socks, tight
belts that would puff our uniforms and a little above the knee uniforms. You
think we bothered? Nope. We stuck to what we started….
We didn’t use make up but we sure sprayed on some
expensive Calvin Klein perfume which used to drive our principal insane. Oh and
we also carried designer bags!
Boy school guys
are gems
We never had any exchange students from the boys schools
but being in KC, we were damn lucky that St Patrick’s school was right across
the street from us and Parkway Parade mall was nearby so we could hang out and
meet boys there after school.
For me, the boy school guys were gems in my early years
of Secondary school life. It was great when you had your boyfriend there
waiting for you after school, etc etc. I’ve been through happy times and
heartaches….. But it was all a learning journey. The journey that would mold me
in to the person I am today. During my upper Secondary school days I discovered
that I looked mature for my age and didn’t care much for the school boys. I
started dating the deejay that worked at Parkway and moved on to a tattooed gangster who
protected me like nobody’s business. It was all fun and games till I discovered
the white guys….. that soon led me to my husband.
Now I have a daughter who is turning 13 years old in two
weeks and studying at KC. God help me!
You used period to
skip PE
Of course we took advantage of that and always used that
as an excuse to skip PE. We were at the age where our boobies were growing and
doing jumping jacks made us uncomfortable. But our PE teachers weren’t
stupid…..she knew how many times a month we would lie about having our periods.
So we just started skipping it altogether…. hiding in the toilets or just not
going for the class.
So there you go, that was my time in an all-girls school.
I never regretted it. I hope I made the right choice for my daughter too. I
hope the time she has in KC, teaches her how to be street smart. I hope she
experiences the good and the bad in order for her to grow. Whatever it is, I
will be behind her to help her through this difficult time called “being a
teenager”.
My little man celebrated his 9th birthday today. He makes me so proud. As I watch him grow each day, I see him transform in to a pure gentleman, a gentle soul, a person with a big heart and so full of love. Both my husband and I sometimes worry that our loving son may actually be too good for this world....but then again, this world does need more people like him around as it's already filled with so much hatred.
Anyway, my little man's requests for his special day was simple. He wanted KFC for lunch and BBQ at home for dinner. And don't forget that big Chocolate Black Forest cake!
I still cannot believe how time flies and how far he's come.
My heart aches knowing my son have not had an easy start and even though he has over come and grown out of a few issues, he still battles a couple more. Nothing major but even the simplest of problems I have to watch my child face each day breaks my heart.
The poor boy had a rough start to begin with when he was put in the NICU for 9 days after he was born. Imagine my pain having to leave my son behind at the hospital... seeing him under all those lights for jaundice... seeing them take blood from his poor little feet every 2 hours or so.... having an IV placed in his head.... it's wasn't picture perfect and the visions of that are still vivid in my head. But that made us and him stronger as individuals.
Then the move back to Singapore and the first time we ever experienced him going through a convulsion episode. I still remember we were at Orchard Road, he was riding in the stroller and I suddenly felt the stroller shaking. I checked on him and was in a panic! I didn't know what was happening.... neither did my husband!! We picked him up and ran for a taxi which took us to the nearest hospital.
It never was the same after that. I don't know what brought that on but since that first episode, this convulsion episodes happened pretty frequently....each time he had a fever, he would have an episode.
The many times my heart ached seeing my son go through that. The any times I was scared I was going to lose him. The many time we stayed up all night to make sure he would be ok. The many times we have been in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms and specialist clinics to make sure this is not affecting him in any way.
Thankfully the doctors were right and he did outgrow that.
Just as we thought we had gotten over all of that....he has eczema. We are beginning to think that the eczema started from the convulsions. He has good days and bad days and we try to deal with the situation however best we can.
We are all learning each day. Learning to take each day in stride. We still count our blessings knowing what we are going through is just something small compared to what others are facing.
Even with this, Logan is still a healthy normal boy. He makes us proud each and every day. He's doing so well in school and is a very smart and loving kid.
I just pray he will get over all of this as the years go by and his life will be filled with everything his heart desires.
I love both my children so very much and I will love and care for them till I take my last breath.
2015 had been a memorable year. Lots happened. Lots
experienced. Lots learned. There were ups and there were downs. New friends
made and friends lost. Happy moments and sad moments. But whatever it was, I
have hit rock bottom before and survived so there are very few things in life
that can scare me or keep me down for too long.
My Precious Babies:
2015 held milestones for my angels.
My daughter Lani completed the most important year of her
Primary school life. She finished her Primary 6 and passed her PSLE
examinations with perfect results. I could not be happier and proud. The day
she attended her graduation party, I secretly shed a few tears of joy. My heart
was overwhelmed with happiness. I spent weeks on her grad dress because I
wanted her to stand out from the crowd as she always would!
Lani had also started designing and sewing her own
cosplay costumes. And she does a damn good job at it!
The other milestone for my daughter was when she went out
with her friends without us tagging along. She went ice-skating. I have to say
it was also a milestone for me as a mother because I am learning to trust and
let go.
My little man Logan has done well too and made me proud.
He’s scored perfect results and have been promoted to one of the top 3 classes
for Primary 3! I have never ever dreamed that I would one day be a mother… let
alone have perfect kids. He is such a good natured and loving young man.
Sometimes I worry because I feel he is too good for this world. But the world
does need more of him around!
Family:
There have been ups and downs. I won’t deny that. I dare
any one of you to tell me you have a perfect family and everything is peachy, I
would stick my middle finger out to you and ask you to go F*ck yourself. There is no such thing. No matter how bad
anything gets, we work through it, and learn to live with one another and love
one another.
2015 didn’t really start on a good note beginning Chinese
New Year but we got through it and things got better. I won’t lie but sometimes
it gets tough trying to please everyone. I guess we just have to start by
learning to please ourselves first.
In May we worked together and converted the spare room
into my daughter’s room. She is going to be a teenager soon and will need her
own space and that was exactly what she got.
My children and I were also featured on TV for being a
Cosplay family. That was exciting especially for the kids!
Friends:
Oh 2015….. on February 2, I lost a good friend Jamey
Griffin. When I first heard the news, I hoped it was another hoax. But this
time it wasn’t. I was truly affected by the loss. I cried for days. But I
managed to get through the difficult time with the love and support of my
family and mutual friends of his. But friends lost and friends made. Through
all of this, I made new friends. Friends who shared the same love as I did for
Jamey.
I also met friends from Facebook who I have been
communicating with for the longest time. New friendships blossomed.
Work:
The year 2015, I
have been at Advancelab for 1.5 years. It’s been a great journey so far and I
look forward to many more years growing with the company. I have learned a lot.
I have been given opportunities to show what I can do….I have been given the
opportunity to learn new things and to grow.
At one point, I was about ready to quit when I was given
the responsibility of the export/shipping department. The first ever project I
handled was a mess and I fucked up big time. But my bosses were very patient
and helped me along the way. Not to mention, my supportive husband had help by
encouraging me. Now, I dare say I am almost a pro when it comes to shipping and
export.
At the end of 2015, alone, I organized and put
together a Client Appreciation Dinner for my company. I even surprised my
bosses with a magic show I put together with the help of my dad. Everyone had a
good time. Everyone was happy. I was happy because I felt it was a success.
Couple Time:
My hubby and I set a milestone for ourselves in 2015. After
12 years (since our first child was born), we finally took a short little
getaway vacation together (alone). We celebrated our 15th
Anniversary in Batam. Three days and two nights without the kids. It was tough.
We missed the children but we also enjoyed our alone time together. Will we do
it again? I am not too sure….
Concerts And
Events:
May 2015 held a very special and exciting time for me. I
attended the Backstreet Boys concert here in Singapore and got to meet them! I
am such a fan girl. Not as big a fan of BSB as I am of NKOTB but these are the
two boybands I really enjoy.
I attended a concert with friends in September called “Hits
if Yesteryear by Meltones” at the Esplanade. My friend Jimmy was performing and
we went to give him some support.
In November, I took my mum and granny for another local
concert called “A Date with Friends”. My granny is a fan of Vernon and such so
I thought it would be a great treat for her since the day after would be her
birthday. It was great because Vernon sang her a birthday song in front of the
whole auditorium! It made her birthday all the more special.
Healthy Living:
Never thought I would ever come to this point but May
2015 I began my journey to healthy
living. I aimed to work hard at losing weight and to be the skinny minnie I was
before. It wasn’t and isn’t easy but I am trying like hell and so far I have
already lost about 10kg in total.
I have had bad days too…. There was a time I pushed
myself so hard, I hurt myself and could not exercise for a week or more!
But I am honestly really happy with how far I have come
and how I am not able to fit in to the clothes I could not fit in before.
What started all of this was when my lady boss asked if
the girls at the office wanted to join her for Zumba at the swimming club.
I was always shy to join classes like this and the first
Zumba lesson I was pretty much awkward but after that, I enjoyed it so much!
This And That:
What else happened this past 2015?
In March our founding father LKY passed away and it was a
time when the whole nation wept together. It was a time it really opened up my
eyes as to what he had done for this tiny little dot we all call home. It might
have been too late but I tried to do my part and volunteered to help out at the
memorial they had for Mr LKY at Bedok.
We also had the elections in 2015 which was a special one
seeing that it was the first time my husband, as a new Singapore Citizen could
vote!
And right after the elections, I was given the chance to
meet Dr Maliki!! That was the biggest moment for me! YAY!
So that was that for 2015.
What have I got planned for 2016? I don’t really have
anything planned to be honest. I will take whatever life throws at me.
I simply want to continue living my healthy lifestyle and
losing more weight. To get my foot corrected so I can exercise and get on with
my daily life without pain. I want to continue working hard to help my company
grow. I want to continue working hard to give my family all they deserve. I
just want to be a good person with good friends all around me all the time.
I am ready to face new challenges and I hope 2016 will be
a better year for my family, friends and myself!
I'm a passionate and driven woman who wants to make a positive difference in the world and to make big things happen. I believe in a world of endless possibilities and in a world where people are connected and learn to communicate in order to workout their differences. See the world through my eyes. Enjoy.
