We registered for the audition and both Lani and her friend
were interviewed. Lani as always, a natural in front of the camera.Then I was
expecting parents would be able to go in to watch or sit around and wait but we
were left outside waiting for over an hour for our kids to finish with their
auditions.
But it was good because I got to see all kinds of people. I
mainly noticed there were two different types of parents. One would be the
parent like me…. Only there because our kid wanted so much to do this and
wanted so much to be on television. Then you have the other kind of parent who
is the total opposite… they would be making sure their kids’ attire is alright,
make up on, nagging at their kids and making sure they drilled info into their
kids’ heads….
It’s because of parents like that, I stayed away from
competitions. If not, I think Lani would have won many contests and gone very
far. She started taking part in beauty pageants since she was 18 months old.
She would get into the finals but we would stop there. We would take her
finalist trophy and prize and run. I've seen how these parents push their kids
at the finals,… yell at them, etc. I don’t need to put my child through that. I
put her in these competitions to expose her to not being shy, to teach her that
winning is not everything, and for memories. She enjoyed it and as long as she
did, and as long as she wanted, we would sign her up.
Some parents really have got to get their priorities
straight. Do they want this for the benefit of their kids or themselves?
Back in the USA, lots of these beauty pageant mum’s push
their kids ..you see these kids crying and you feel so sorry for them.
In Singapore, you have the same kind of parents and they
also push their kids with tuition classes, piano, golf, ballet, etc. Sometimes
these kids have a busier schedule than I do. Gosh. Let kids be kids. Let them
enjoy their childhood. They won’t ever get that again. Build good memories.
I am a chillex parent. I don’t believe in all these extra
activities, UNLESS of course, my kids show an interest and tell me, “hey mum, I
would like to take up …..”
That was the kind of childhood I had and a childhood I
fondly remember. And that is exactly the kind of childhood I would like my kids
to have. No pressure. No stress. To just be able to be themselves and do their
best.
So that was how this whole audition started…. Lani had seen
it being advertised on TV and said she would like to try it. I again explained to her that whether she gets
in or not, winning isn't everything and that at least she had done her best.
-----
Many parents like myself and my hubby are concerned about
competitions and its effect on children. However, there are also parents who
feel that competition is nothing to worry about. Our daughter took part in her
first competition when she was 18 months old. We discussed it for weeks before
deciding that it wouldn't hurt and we will know when to draw the line when the
time comes. Mostly, we wanted the exposure and we wanted keepsakes and
memories.
I've come to agree that moderate competition is good for
children, but extreme competition can devastate a child.
I've also read that temperament, culture, talent and the age
of the child affects how they will handle a competition. Children are not born
with a competitive urge. They learn it. And by age 10 or 11, they could handle
defeat gracefully (well, most anyway). We’re proud that our daughter handled
defeat gracefully by age 5. That is because we always stressed how much we’re
proud of her no matter what.
Children differ in temperament. Some thrive on attention and
competition and others become nervous wrecks when they are asked to perform
before two or three people. I know this for a fact because that’s the
personality of my two kids.
We have always treated our children as the individuals that
they are. We don’t feel a need to push an already competitive child to compete
although we sometimes encourage our son who is the more reluctant one but who shows so much potential.
My son, since the day he was born, he’s been a quiet, shy and smart boy. He doesn't fancy competitions and is happy with who he is
and what he is. He’s also very confident. Unlike my daughter, she’s a confident
girl…too confident I must say. However, she loves a good fight. She enjoys
healthy competitions and being in the lime light. She just enjoys the attention!
As I mentioned, it’s different with each individual child.
Competition definitely can be good because it can help a
child develop a healthy attitude about winning and losing. They become
competitive as they refine and practice skills and develop coordination and
cognitive abilities. Competition can also encourage growth and push a child to
excel.
Of course there are things about competition that we need to
be aware of too. It can also harm a child if the child isn't motivated properly
by the parents or assured that no matter what, they are still great.
Competition can shatter the loser, undermine self-confidence and humiliate. It
could also insult self-worth. And the biggest harm a competition can do to a
child is when it is done just for the parents’ benefit!!
It’s funny how two kids can differ so much from each other.
I laugh each time I look at both my kids.
My son is a typical 7-year-old. He is eager to learn and
want to do activities for himself. He’s got a short attention span and play for
fun. He wants to be the winner and wants to be first. But that is natural for a child his age. Even
so, we try to instill the same thing with him, … that winning isn't everything
and no matter what, he will always be great and perfect in our eyes.
For children between the age of 9 years and 12 years, they
try hard to be good and to please others. They do their duty, show respect for
authority and follow fixed rules. They do try to maintain order. They are also
more rational and logical and can see more than one side to an issue. This scares me when I think about it actually,
because my daughter showed all the above since age 5. But we always knew she
was mature and developed faster than most kids her age.
How did we help our children succeed in competitive
situations?
We took time to play with them. We encouraged them to flex
their competitive muscles in a secure environment that helped them learn they
can lose a game without losing self-confidence. We stressed about the basics of
fair play, good sportsmanship, putting forth good effort and winning or losing
gracefully.
For now, we will continue to encourage our children to grow.
We will always make sure they are all winners and will always find special ways
to reward them when necessary. We will always emphasize the importance of doing
one’s best.
Before I end, I have one thing to say to the rest of the
parents who push their child and pressure them into doing things they do not
enjoy….
DON’T RELIVE YOUR LIFE through your child. Avoid over
involvement. Always keep a healthy attitude towards competition.
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