My Personal Memorial For A Buddy

Yesterday evening after dinner, my hubby and daughter helped me put together this little candle memorial for my buddy Jamey Griffin.

I really appreciated their help because it gave me some comfort.

Went to bed at about 11pm but had set my alarm so I could wake up in time for Jamey's memorial service that was taking place back in Memphis. Yeh the 14 hours time  difference is a killer. However, I didn't not want to miss it. It was important to me.  It would be the only way for me to say goodbye to Jamey at the same time as everybody else in Memphis.  I still wish I could have physically been there though. 

Nevertheless, I woke up at 1.30am, Wednesday (February 18 - Singapore time). Which means it was 11.30am, Tuesday, February 17 in Memphis Tennessee.

Right at that time mentioned above, Jamey is being laid to rest beside his dad James Griffin. If I had still been living in Massachusetts, I would have taken the next flight out to Memphis to be there. But the costly flights and ridiculous hours of flying (almost 25 hours each way) from Singapore to USA just did not work in my favour.

So I decided to light 4 candles in memory of my dear friend Jamey Griffin who left us too soon. I did this at the same time he was being remembered in Memphis.

The first candle I lit represented my grief and pain of losing him.

The second candle lit represented my courage and to be able to confront my sorrow and to find comfort that he is now in a better place. He is with his dad in Heaven and they will continue to make beautiful music together. We will one day meet again.

The third candle I lit was for Jamey's memory to forever stay alive within me, inside my heart always. For the times we laughed, the times we cried, and the silly things we talked about.

And last but not least, the fourth candle I lit was for the love and friendship we shared. I lit this so that Jamey's light will always shine.

The other day, I noticed how beautiful the sky was then I realized it's because Jamey was up there. God only takes the best, and now I know this, because he took Jamey. I'd give anything just to be able to say goodbye.

“Jamey, every once in a while in our life, we meet someone whom we never thought would affect us in a special way even if they've been around just for a short while. But you did just that. Four years is nothing to sneeze at anyway. You will always have a special place in my heart and I thank you for the gift of your friendship.”

“Rest In Peace my friend. I'm missing you more than ever. In my thoughts you are today, but in my heart you'll forever stay. Please don't forget me! I promise not to forget you!”

A Last Goodbye

It was another normal Thursday morning on the fifth of February for me, or so I thought it would be until I received a call from my mother while I was in the bus, on my way to the office...

"Did you know that Jamey had passed away?" Was what I heard my mum say to me and my mind just froze right there and then. Everything else was a blur right after that but I started to feel the squeeze in my heart and the tears slowly start to form in my eyes.

"Are you sure mum? Could this be another one of those sick pranks that happened last year?" Yes, some time early last year Jamey had lost his phone and the b*stard  who took the phone must have seen texts from Jamey's mum and sis asking about him so he texted back saying Jamey had passed away. It wasn't long before Jamey called them to say he was alright and got online to tell me the same.

"No it's not" was my mum's next reply. "Check his mum's Facebook timeline."

That was about all of the conversation I remembered. Good thing I was seated in the bus when I heard the news because my tummy started to knot and my legs were trembling. I couldn't believe what I heard. Controlling my tears was all I could think of doing at that moment as I did not want to look like a retard crying in the bus.

The first thing I did when I got in to the office was to get on Facebook to see it for myself. I should have just taken my mum's word for it because the numbness started to set in. It was real. I felt tears roll down my cheeks but quickly wiped them away before people at the office saw me cry. I always portray myself as a strong woman and I refuse to show anyone any signs of weakness by crying. If possible I don't even do it in front of my family...not even my husband. Why? That's just the way I am. But he knows when I need that comforting.

I went the whole day like that...controlling my tears. But at different times of the day, I felt lost and could not get much done. I would stop work to just watch videos of Jamey singing. But that didn't help much. In fact, it made it hurt more.

I got through the day at the office. I got through the evening with my family.

Finally when everyone was asleep, I sat at my computer and had some time to myself. I got online and spoke to Jamey's mum. I browsed through Jamey's Facebook timeline, his albums and listened to his songs. And that was when I finally was able to let it all out. I sobbed quietly at my desk not wanting to wake my husband up. It didn't feel any better to be honest because each time Jamey popped in to my head, the water works started again. My heart ached. My dear dear friend has left us. 

To think this is how I am feeling. What is his mum, sis and daughter actually going through right now? I can't even begin to imagine. Yes, his mother is heart broken. Which mum wouldn't be? No mother should ever have to bury her child. But I am so proud of Kathy. She's one amazing woman who raised a fine man and shared him with the rest of the world. She continues to show such strength and so much love for Jamey. She said she's just comforted knowing Jamey is now with his dad in heaven and to me that takes a lot of courage to say it out loud. 

Almost two weeks have passed and I'm still feeling the hurt. Not as bad but it still hurts. I know I should already be alright by now but I'm not. I am filled with guilt and regret. The people who have made this a whole lot easier are the 3 ladies closest to Jamey; his mum Kathy, his sister Katy and his daughter Laura. They've been so strong throughout this journey and it’s only given me the strength to carry on myself.

I feel like I have failed as a friend. I had always promised Jamey things would start looking up. I promised him everything would be alright. I promised I would do everything in my power to get him the gig he deserved and so very much wanted. We always said we would travel the world together when we got to that point although he knew for a fact I was only all talk about the travel part. He knew I couldn't bear to be apart from my husband and kids. That’s how much he knew about me. And he was right. I even promised to get him here to Singapore for a little change for him although I always talked him out of that one as Singapore wasn't all that it’s cracked up to be.

I failed in all the above. 

Now, in my head, I have all the “what if”… What if he did start performing sooner and he kept busy? What if I got him to Singapore? Would that have helped? Would he still be around today if I got that all in place sooner?

I know everyone is telling me not to be too hard on myself. But I can’t help it. I could have possibly saved him. But I did not get to it sooner and now it is too late. Crying tears of blood will not get my beloved friend back.

The last we spoke was July of 2014. I remember Jamey being so determined and so upbeat. We spoke of our plans for him and I told him I was in touch with a friend who was in LA and who could help. He was excited and so was I.

A couple months after, my friend in LA got back in touch with me with good news. I tried to contact Jamey but to no avail. I didn't think much of it as that was how he was. A free spirit. Never did I expect to get news that he had passed away by an accidental fall.

I tried my best but I guess my best just wasn't good enough. I was too late.

Forgive me please, my friend.

-----

Yes, Jamey is the son of James Griffin; Academy Award winning professional musician best known for his work with the 1970s rock band, Bread.

Jamey continued in his dad’s footsteps. He loved to perform his music more than anything.

But whatever it was, he was just Jamey to me. His status or who he was didn't matter. Our friendship was based on the fact we were both just us. Ordinary folks. Of course, I was proud to be his friend. Of course I was proud of who he was but our friendship was built on the fact that he was just a regular down to earth guy. Always such a gentleman, polite, caring, loving and so damn funny.

The reason why I am bringing this up is because I have had a couple people ask me why I am so affected by his death when he was just another ‘celebrity figure’ or ‘celebrity child’.

No. Jamey wasn't just that to me. He was more than that. He was a friend. He was my buddy. When we did speak or chat, we would catch up on anything and everything. 

Knowing me doesn't mean you need to know everything about what I do or who I speak to and what about. So if I am completed affected by his death, I will deal with it.

Don’t question me. I am not seeking your comfort or pity. I will get through it on my own.

It’s just funny how if I think about it, I had known Jamey’s dad longer than I had known Jamey. Both my mum and I met his dad when Bread performed in Singapore in 1996. It was only after his dad passed away that I started to get to know Jamey. 

It’s no wonder Jamey had such a beautiful heart. James Griffin was such a darling and not to mention Jamey’s mum Kathy a sweetheart herself.

-----

When I first heard the news, the only way I tried to get through it was to send Jamey a text message like I used to every once in a while. I’d tell him to reply via FB instead as it wouldn't cost him so much that way and he always thought I was nuts wasting so much money….then we just giggle about it.

The other night I was sitting by my computer in the dark, thinking of my chats with Jamey when I felt a gentle wind blow through my window and I felt a sense of calmness. I felt his presence. I wasn't afraid. I smiled and tears rolled down my cheeks. This time it was tears of joy knowing he was watching over me.

That was not the only time I felt he was there trying to assure me that he was alright and that everything will be alright.

The other time was when his mum Kathy shared a link to a song he had written. A song I knew well because I had called him before and he played it for me. But back to the link….I tried everything but it just would not play. So I left it as is. I stopped it and got off my computer to head out to the store. I got home and my computer was on sleep mode but the moment I stepped in to my room, while my computer still remained on sleep mode, his song started playing. Again, I was not afraid. I knew he was trying to tell me he was still there.

I suppose Jamey knowing me well enough and how I usually need reassuring and me always being a skeptic,… so he showed me the third sign. It was another evening when I was at my computer and suddenly his name popped up on my Facebook chat list. It has not been up there in months and usually the ones on there are usually the ones I'm always in touch with…and now all of a sudden he’s there!

"OK Jamey. I get it. I will also stop being so stubborn as you say I am. But I miss you and I can’t help it. It is going to be a while before I am better but I will never stop missing you."

We've always had each other's backs even from so many thousand miles apart. We have been each other's pillar of support to lean on. We've shared happy and sad times without complaining. He was a true friend. I am going to miss his humour, his music, his passion, his determination and everything about him. 

"Rest well my friend. But never stop making beautiful music. Now you can do that with your dad and the angels in Heaven. And I look forward to the day we meet and I get to watch you perform on the big stage up in Heaven."

"I still want that very first autographed CD from Heaven! You promised I would be the first and I am holding you to that."

"For now, I will keep your memory alive. I will help you take care of your family. I can’t do much but I can promise to always check up on them. I hope to meet you mum and sis soon."

I've converted Jamey's songs into MP3s. This helps me get through my day as I have his songs now on my phone and on repeat.

I just wish I could be there in Memphis to say my final goodbye to Jamey, to give his mum a big hug. I am just very grateful that his mum will be recording the service so I will be able to find some closure at least.

Anyway, just some last words before I put a close to this blog entry…

Jamey,

I will remember the love you gave so unconditionally

I will remember the joy you brought to so many lives

I will remember the smile you showed so frequently

I will remember the laughter we shared together

I will remember the sentimental tears we shed

I will remember the songs you sang to me

I will remember the music that you played

I will remember your strength

I will remember your pride (your kids)

I will remember the joys and the pains we've endured individually

I will remember your fear

I will remember your courageous struggle

I will remember you

Gone yet not forgotten. Although we are apart, his spirit will live within me forever and he will forever have a place in my heart.

At times I still question, “why did he have to die?” because I really don’t want to say goodbye.

God must have thought he was special to take him away but why could he not have waited another day? But I know God is looking after Jamey now, high up in the sky.

I know he wouldn't want me or anyone else to make a fuss, because after all, he's still down here with all of us. And just because we can’t see him, doesn't mean he's not here.

I know Jamey is somewhere very very near. I love him so much but it’s time to say, “Goodbye" because his life here on earth has come to an end. A new chapter opens up for him in Heaven where he will continue to make beautiful music.

It’s time for him to rest in peace and have eternal love. There’ll always be a star burning ever so bright from now on because that will be Jamey watching down at us. Memories of our times spent together will stay deep inside my heart forever.

"Thank you Jamey for showing me how to be strong and how to love unconditionally." 

“If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane…I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again…”

Going Back To School

In a few weeks, they will be closing the gates to my old Secondary school and possibly tearing down the whole building. I have mixed feelings about it. I never liked school when I was in Secondary but this whole place is filled with so many memories for me. Good and bad.

I decided to take the day off and together with both my kids, headed over to CHIJ Katong Convent Secondary to share some memories with my children, soak in all the memories of the place myself and to visit with the Aunty and Uncle from the bookshop who will finally be retiring.

My kids and I walked past Block 51. The memories already started to pour back in. How the void deck used to be our hang out after school. We’d meet with the boys from St Patricks. We’d head up the block and smoke. How the Town Council took away the stone chairs that were under the block because of us and in hopes it would stop us from hanging around…but we just sat on the dirty concrete floors.

Walked through the front gates of the school, only to pass the security. I then thought to myself, “Son of a gun….I am glad there was no such thing when I was in school. How would I escape during recess?” …. Haha

Everything was still the same….the foyer, the stairs heading up to the hall, the chapel…. We then made our way to the canteen where the bookshop was. Mr and Mrs Lim were both there. Mrs Lim was especially happy to see me. She’s always remembered me since I was a little girl in Primary 1. I would always cry and not want to go to school, so my mum would have to bribe me by taking me to the bookshop to buy something. Mrs Lim always remembered that.

She was thrilled to meet my kids and gave them each a pencil. And as we were chatting, my most hated teacher walks in. After the time I told her off, all she could do was give me half a smile. Haha.

We then went over to the drinks stall as the kids were getting thirsty.  The aunty and uncle there also remembered me.

Continued to walk around the school grounds. Went in to the AVA theatre, the art room, science labs, classrooms…. There were so many good and bad memories. I recalled the places we would hide at when we wanted to skip a class or assembly. The bridge that would connect St Patricks to our school, the fence with the hole we used to use to escape school whenever we wanted to.

Those were the days. That was my childhood. I just do not know how I would react if my daughter turned out to be exactly what I was in Secondary school?? I would say KARMA. Hahaha…..

Tua Pek Kong's Birthday

The temple beside my office had been setting up for what seemed like a big event. Yesterday, my new colleague Ah Ling and I walked over to the temple to ask what they were celebrating and I was pretty surprised to hear them say "Tua Pek Kong's Birthday." I thought his birthday was beginning of the year between February and March?

So I asked around as to why this was so....

You see, I'm still learning more about Taoism each day.

So from what I've found out. Yes, Tua Pek Kong's actual birthday is around February. But a Tua Pek Kong temple may celebrate his birthday a second time that year to to commemorate the opening of the temple or anniversary. There are usually a few days a temple may choose to celebrate the birthday or other auspicious events.

Now I understand. This event is pretty big. There have the Chinese wayang outside the temple and a huge area across the street that is serving dinner.

I've also learnt that this temple is called Soon San Teng and was founded in the late 19th century and has remained at the same location. The original temple was an attap-thatched house situated between banyan trees, and so Soon San Teng is also known as 'Banyan Tree Da Bo Gong (Tua Pek Kong) Miao'. The temple was later rebuilt into one with brick walls and tiled roofs.

Today, Soon San Teng temple celebrates the 8th Lunar Month which coincides with the birthday celebration for Da Bo Gong (Tua Pek Kong).

I met my mum after work and we had dinner at the Indian restaurant before heading to the temple to pay our respect and to watch a few minutes of wayang and take photos. Was a real interesting evening. I would like to head to the birthday celebrations at Pulau Ubin next year. That is an even bigger event! I just need to get the dates right.

The Cast of Potted Potter

Yesterday, my daughter together with two of her best friends caught the Olivier Award nominated Potted Potter at the Raffles Hotel Jubilee Hall. Any fool could have guessed that the girls had enjoyed the performance tremendously because my daughter couldn't stop talking about it once she got home and the girls kept texting back and forth about it.

My daughter then tweeted about the performance and one of the guys from Potted Potter replied. I then told my daughter that this could be the opportunity for her to tweet them back and asked if they would meet her for a photo and autograph? At worse, they won’t reply or just say ‘no’. But with our track record of meeting celebrities … why not give it a shot?

A few minutes later, they replied and would love to meet the girls. My daughter was over the moon!! Bet you five bucks she didn't even sleep properly last night! I did tell her to not get her hopes up too high until it happens because anything can happen with celebrities and performers.

So all of today, while I was at the office, she kept texting me about it and while she was doing that, the two wonderful performers were tweeting me about this evening. Looks like the plan was concrete. I then got in touch with the mothers of my daughter’s two other friends and arranged this meet-and-greet.

We were supposed to meet the performers; Benjamin Stratton and James Percy outside the venue after their last show.

Our first stop was Raffles City in hopes we could find some Singapore souvenirs. We did managed to buy two Singapore keychains and two postcards. Then walked over to Raffles Hotel.

We didn't have to wait long. Right after the show and as soon as the crowd started to clear out, the guys came right out! That was another thing that really impressed me. Most performers would take their time and rest and come out when they were ready but these guys wasted no time…rushed right out to make three young girls so very ‘giddy’.

About two minutes into meeting the girls, a couple approached them to ask if they could have their photos taken with them. Ben and James politely told them sure they could right after they meet with the girls. Gosh…. I really hope the couple weren't pissed waiting so long and I hope the couple didn't think of the guys as snobbish because they are not. They were just fulfilling what they promised 3 young fans. You cannot hold that against them.

The girls presented them with the souvenirs and postcards and they were like little boys on Christmas day. I suppose they really weren't expecting it?

My daughter presented them with her drawings on their performance set and they absolutely made her feel so special. Told her she nailed it and all. They signed a copy for her. The guys were also amazed with the girls’ home made wands that lit up. And about 10 minutes later, we said our goodbyes.

What great guys!!

Some may say they are not even well known celebrities and blah blah blah but they are two guys playing to sold out houses all over the world. They could have said, “No. Sorry we don’t have time”…but instead they agreed to meet three young fans.

I, personally didn't attend the performance. I would not have understood a thing because I am not a Harry Potter fan. But from what I have read about it and learned from my daughter, this performance was the Unauthorized Harry Potter Experience.  A parody. Benjamin and James takes on the ultimate challenge of condensing all seven Harry Potter books and a real life game of Quidditch (I hope I spelt it right) into seventy hilarious minutes.

However, I have been told that even if one did not know the difference between a horcrux and a hufflepuff, you would still have enjoyed Potted Potter and you would be roaring with laughter. Darn it!! Now they tell me…. I am just going to have to wait till they come back around here to catch them again.

Before I end this post, I would like to thank Benjamin Stratton and James Percy again for making 3 girls so very happy. I think they were on Cloud 9 that evening. I wish you guys all the best life has to offer and the very best of success because you deserve it. Thank you.

And as if that meeting wasn't wonderful enough. I walked in to my daughter’s room to find her jumping and almost hyperventilating because Benjamin Stratton had tweeted about meeting them and posted a photo of the gifts the girls got them.

Kudos to Benjamin Stratton and James Percy from Potted Potter!

Blast From The Past

I usually don’t have lunch when I am at work if I had taken breakfast in the morning but today was pretty exceptional and I am glad I went along with it.

My colleagues asked if I wanted to join them for lunch. The whole group was actually heading out together and that alone is pretty rare. So yes, I went and as we got out of the car, I was back at a place that held lots of memories to when I was a kid.

We were at Lorong Mydin for the great Wanton Noodles.

I just couldn't believe it was still there. Not much change to the coffee shop either, other than some minor renovations. What surprised even more was the familiar faces running the stall! It was the same husband and wife and my goodness….they have not aged!! (Is it the preservatives in their noodles? … ha)

Seriously, I have not been there since before I left for the USA and who knows how long before that….so I am guessing it’s been more than 20 years! How can this couple not age a day??

I told my colleagues that I was sorry to burst their bubble but I actually discovered this great place for Wanton Noodles long before they even did. I explained to them that I frequented the stall since I was a child!! Yeh, that long ago.

Our plates of wanton noodles finally came and I couldn't wait to get that first bite in to my mouth to see if that has changed or not.

I thought I had died and went to heaven. The goodness was still there. The taste exploded in my mouth just as the memories did in my head. It definitely brought me back to the day when my parents used to take us there for lunch, or the evenings we would have dinner there after a magic performance when I got a little older.

They served the wanton noodles just the way they did 20 years ago. Imagine it’s just a simple dish that fills so many stomachs for generations? They managed to keep the noodles in the same texture and chewiness as the good old days. The taste was just as traditional as how I remembered it to be.

The broth was extremely flavourful and the prawn dumplings were really fresh. The chili certainly did not disappoint either. Absolutely heavenly!

Oh! Did I mention the coffee shop was still as packed as it was back in the day??

I will have to take my hubby and kids to try this fabulous wanton mee and to make new memories… and what better way to make new memories with my family then to have my parents with us so we can bring back old memories too?

What’s The Big Deal About Chinese?

Today, my son came home from school with his portfolio and as I was browsing through the work he has done,… class reviews and teacher’s comments, I noticed that his Chinese teacher, on one of his recent Chinese worksheets had circled his name in red and had written some Chinese characters beside it. I presume that it was a direct translation of his English name.

I found that very uncalled for, offensive, rude, insensitive and callous!!

The last hour I spent going through my paper work from 2012. I came across my son’s kindergarten documents where I had asked the teacher to give him a Chinese name as I thought then it was a must since he was taking Chinese as his second language.

His kindergarten Chinese teacher did give him a Chinese name but also told me it was not necessary for it as my son isn't Chinese and so I did not register it. Since then, we have not bothered with a Chinese name.

Where am I getting with this? The point is that I searched through these records to be sure I did not make a mistake. I wanted to be sure that I did not register his Chinese name. But while doing this, I realized that what his kindergarten teacher had given him, wasn't even the one the Primary school teacher had written.

I am pissed! Actually I am more than pissed!!

WHY would a teacher ‘mark’ my son’s name in RED and correct it with something that to us doesn't even exist and should NOT exist? Do Chinese teachers go around giving names to students just for the fun of it? Do they give names just because they can’t pronounce the English ones? If so, then maybe they are the ones in need of going back to school to learn some English?

Imagine you gave birth and I’d go fill out your child’s birth certificate with a name I think would be good for your child?

I wonder how she would feel if I named her son for her? Worse is I’d give her son a name of a different race! How does Osama Bin Laden? Hmm…. Sounds nice don’t it? She may not think so….but I do….. 

In all honesty, I would have been alright if she had just written the Chinese characters beside my son’s English name but to mark it in red and make it seem like it’s wrong is unacceptable.

Sheeshh…..

The problem with this country is they stress and focus so much on the bloody Chinese language. Isn't our country a multi-racial country? Yep I figured….so why the stress on Chinese alone?

Bad enough our non Chinese/Malay/Indian kids are forced to take a second language…now they want to force a ‘foreign’ name on to our kids too??

Yes, knowing Chinese would be good especially when China is coming up in this world now. But do you realize that they are teaching English in schools in China? I moved to USA and what did I do with my Chinese certificate? I used it to wipe my bum! Ha.

Really. I didn't need that certificate when I was in America and it didn't hold me back.

What I am trying to say is…so what if you can’t speak or understand Chinese? Lots of other countries in the world have survived without it and still doing extremely well. So stop trying to force any damn language down our throats.

I can’t even exempt my non-Chinese kids from dropping the subject. WHY?

Even on the MOE website it states that kids can be exempted if they’re from overseas. Yeh, no doubt my kids started kindergarten here but Chinese is not in their blood. Hell! No one speaks the language at home!! This is approved on a case to case basis… ??? A crock of shit. I was denied twice! WHY? Because I am Chinese? Maybe I should try and apply for the exemption again since I had changed my race to Eurasian?

So they want kids miserable throughout all of their school life…. Hating to go to school because they hate Chinese … because they are struggling… and because half these Chinese teachers are not even fit to be teachers and who belittles these kids. If they think they are all high and mighty, I have no problem telling them they are not. BECAUSE technically, you will get on better in life if you speak good English!

I always thought that “mother-tongue” meant a language a person has learned from birth or within the critical period. Like in some countries (namely Singapore), the term mother-tongue refers to the language of one’s ethnic group rather than one’s first language. So for my kids, shouldn't it be English??

Oh well….

As long as we’re here in Singapore, we shall ‘abide’ by these silly rules until the time is right. After all, aren't we all just ‘robots’ programmed to be living in this perfect little country abiding by all these perfect little rules that is supposedly to make us perfect humans?

I don’t push my kids with Chinese. Every new teacher they get, I make sure I get my point across that I will not tolerate them pushing my child to excel in the language to a point of hating school because of it. For me, as long as my kids excel in the other subjects in school, I will be more than happy.

For now, I am writing to my son’s school and putting the principal and also MOE on CC (carbon copy). I should demand a written apology from this ‘high and mighty clown’. What do you think?