New Year: Selfish Year

For many young people, particularly people under the age of thirty, there’s quite often more value in investing in you than there is in investing in stocks. A well-conceived investment in your future can continue to pay dividends over the rest of your life. Some investments in yourself can even be worthwhile near the end of your career.

In my own life, I’ve found that some of the most valuable things I’ve ever done were investments in me. I invested the cost and time to get a college education. I’ve even invested a lot of time – an amount that some of my friends have believed was excessive – carefully figuring out who I was, what my true talents are, and what I should be doing with my time. I did all of these things pretty early in life, before I was thirty, and they were all worth the time and financial costs associated with each of them.

Anyway, for 2018, it is going to be a selfish year. I have been investing my time in many people who just did not deserve it and are users. I will continue to keep an open mind and an open heart and will still be there for friends and loved ones but I will be a lot smarter too. Mostly, my time will be invested on me. It is time to start improving myself. I want to become a better person physically and mentally.

Investing in you can yield returns far greater than any other investment.

We spend a lot of time worrying about investing and are quick to gauge how things are going by looking at quarterly statements. It’s all dollar signs — bank accounts, the value of your home — these are the things we invest in and can easily determine whether or not it’s a good investment. These are all important investments, without a doubt, but are these things what really matter?

You often hear about how your home or your career is your greatest assets, but I think that’s a little shortsighted. If you take a look at your net worth or your personal balance sheet, yes, you can argue that your home is one of your greatest financial assets. And if you have a steady job and a rewarding career it’s easy to see how important that asset is since it will provide income for years and possibly decades to come. But in the end, these assets pale in comparison to your true greatest asset: yourself.

You are an asset. Think about that for a minute. If you work for someone else, you are an asset to that company. If you’re married, you are an asset to your spouse. And it goes without saying, but if you have children you are an incredible asset to them. You’re an asset to the community you live in, to your neighbors, and to those you interact with on a daily basis.

Take a moment and look at yourself in the mirror. No. Not a mirror in a physical sense, but look at yourself from the outside. How do you look to others? How valuable are you to those around you? Do you stand out as an important asset, or do you slip by as just a run-of-the-mill person? These are difficult questions to answer, and the answers may not always be obvious.

Becoming a valuable asset is important on both the professional and personal level. When most people talk about being an asset, it has to do with getting ahead in the workplace. This is certainly important if you’re trying to keep your job, advance your career, or enter a new line of work, but it’s equally important on a personal level. These two aspects of your life are more interconnected than you may imagine. Investing in your professional life will impact aspects of your personal life, and investing in yourself on a personal level will undoubtedly help your professional life.

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However, before you can make improvements in other areas of your life you must first take care of some of your most basic needs. We need to step back for a moment and forget about money. Money is important, but without your health, it’s worthless. Understandably, you’re probably groaning at the idea of what it will take to improve your health. You’re thinking about diets, lots of exercise, and cutting out all the fun stuff in your life. I agree, none of that sounds like much fun. But we’re not talking about making drastic changes overnight. Habits that have developed over the course of years can be hard to break, so it’s best to make small changes over time that will lead to healthier habits.

GET MORE SLEEP

We live in a 24 hour world and it is taking its toll on sleep. Between the internet, TV, Androids and iPhones, the day doesn’t end when you come home from work. These days we’re constantly being interrupted and our work lives are bleeding into our personal lives. This added stress and lack of down time can really cut into your sleep. While it isn’t uncommon for people to get by on just six hours or so of sleep, studies have shown most of us still need more.

I know, I know. There are only 24 hours in a day and you already can’t get everything done, so how on Earth can you be expected to get more sleep? If you like to hit the snooze 5 times every morning, find you can’t concentrate until you’ve had your first three cups of coffee in the morning, or could pass out at your desk after lunch, then you’re not getting enough sleep. Think about all of the time you waste when you aren’t completely focused or working inefficiently because you’re fighting the urge to sleep. Instead, use that extra hour you’re wasting throughout the day by being tired and get some extra sleep. You’ll wake up feeling better, your body will be rested, and you can make better use of your waking hours, not to mention improve your overall health.

EAT BETTER

This doesn’t mean you should go on a drastic diet and try to cut 20 pounds in a month, but just a few little changes in your diet can go a long way. Start with breakfast. It really is the most important meal of the day. Breakfast will jump-start your metabolism and prepare your body for a full day of work. I always had difficulty finding time in the morning to squeeze in breakfast, but I’ve found that just grabbing a banana or something before heading out the door helps a lot.

Next, just be a little more conscious of what you’re eating and make an effort to make small changes here and there. If you drink a few sodas each day, start by replacing one with something else to drink. Ideally water, but even juice or something would be a good start if it’s the caffeine that you really crave. Over time you’ll find that you crave soda less and in the process you will be cutting out a lot of calories from your diet. If you’re looking to cut back come dinner time, consider cutting back on some of the pasta or rice and throw in an occasional salad. Again, even if you do this just a couple times a week you will begin to create healthy habits that will lead to a healthier you over time.

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YOUR PERSONAL SELF

What’s important to you? That’s what we’re going to try and answer right now. Take a moment to think about what you really enjoy and what matters most to you. Spending time with friends? Family? Being outdoors? Helping others? Just reading a good book? Now that you have an answer, how often do you get to do these things? If you’re like most people, the answer is probably, “not often enough.” Life is too short to be stuck running around constantly trying to meet deadlines, make more money, and constantly put things off until the future. You need to make time for the things you love.

Whatever it is that you wish you could be doing, find a way to make it happen. This is easier said than done, I know. But it can be done. Now, we aren’t going to be working any miracles here and have you living on a tropical island (although I do live on one) when you have responsibilities here at home, but let’s start with gradual changes. Find days to incorporate what you love to do into your regular schedule. The bottom line is that you just have to make time. Don’t make excuses. If you can make time to run to the dry cleaners every week, you can certainly set aside a half hour each week to do something you really enjoy. Whether it’s just sitting down with a glass of wine and a good book, a stroll with your kids through the park, or volunteering your time for a good cause. You just have to force yourself to set aside some time and do it.

It’s all about balance. Our lives are filled with responsibilities, deadlines, and work to get done, but these things can’t control us. You need to invest in creating some personal time. Even if it is just 30 minutes a day, the more you can introduce the things you love into your life, the happier you’ll be. Your happiness will begin to spill over into the other areas of your life. You’ll perform better at work, have better relationships with your friends and neighbours, and overall become a greater asset to everyone you interact with. All the time you put in at work and money you save doesn’t mean a whole lot if you aren’t investing in what makes you happy.

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PROFESSIONAL SELF

A healthier and happier you can go a long way, but if you really want to invest in something that can pay huge dividends, consider investing in your professional self. It doesn’t matter if you’re making minimum wage doing factory work or a veteran executive with a corner office — investing in yourself will shape your future. When most people talk about investing in your professional self, the advice has to do with getting additional education, certifications, or experience so that you can advance your career. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that advice, but I want to touch on a few different areas I have learned through the years.

NETWORKING

It’s not who you know, but what you know, right? If only it was that simple. Obviously, it can help to have a solid education and a lot of experience, but it is hardly the only path to success. Just as important as having the knowledge and skills to do a particular job, you need to have connections. These connections will open up opportunities that can be used to leverage your skills and find a path of least resistance to reach your goal.

When it comes to networking you should strike a balance between quantity and quality. With the advent of the internet, the ability to build a massive network is incredibly simple. Just hop on Facebook, Twitter, or any of the number of social networking type sites and you can almost instantly build a network of hundreds or even thousands of people. While numbers are good, connecting with 1,000 people you never get to know and just connecting for the sake of building a connection will probably be less effective than a network of 20 people who are in your line of work and that you interact with on a regular basis.

One of the best ways to network professionally is through LinkedIn. Unlike many of the other social networks that are filled with updates from people about what they had for lunch, their favorite music, or who they are currently dating, LinkedIn is more about business. Here you’ll be able to connect with coworkers past and present and join groups based on your interests or background. These professional connections can lead to a number of interactions you may not have otherwise had access to that can help launch your career in a new direction.

While LinkedIn is great for professional networking, that doesn’t mean you should dismiss the likes of Twitter or Facebook, either. With these sites, you really get out of it what you put into it. If you focus your efforts on networking with other likeminded-individuals and actually foster your relationships, you can open many new doors. At the same time, if you just sign up for the sake of signing up and expect great things by befriending as many people as possible, you’ll probably be disappointed.

Finally, don’t forget about local networking. Seek out networking opportunities right in your own backyard.

BUILD YOUR PERSONAL BRAND

When you think of Coca-Cola, Nike, or Microsoft, I bet you instantly know who these companies are and what they produce. You’ve also probably formed opinions of each of these companies or their products based on how they present themselves and your past experiences with their products. This is a brand.

What if I told you that you were your own brand? It might sound a bit silly to think of just a regular person as a brand, but it’s true. The way you represent yourself and how others see you is your own personal brand. Whether you like it or not, your actions and words speak volumes about who you are. This reputation can follow you for the rest of your life, so it’s obviously important to build a positive brand as opposed to a negative one.

So, what does your personal brand say about you? When someone types your name into Google, what do they see? Do others see you as you’d like to be seen? And when you meet someone for the first time, are you leaving a good impression and clearly displaying what you stand for? In today’s fast-paced world you may only have a few seconds to make an impression. Depending on how you’ve developed your brand, you may have left an unforgettable mark, or simply fade into the homogeneous background with everyone else.

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So always remember to invest in yourself for immeasurable returns.

It’s easy to get caught up with money. It drives everything we do from paying for food and shelter, to being stashed away for 30 years so we have something to spend in retirement. But as important as

Money is, it’s just as important to take a look at the bigger picture. Yes, your financial investments are important, your home is important, and being able to afford a comfortable lifestyle means a lot. But none of this matters if you’re unhealthy, unhappy, and have few prospects.

This is especially true in difficult financial times. When the news is filled with gloom and doom, your investment accounts drop like a rock, and you can’t sell your house, it’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that things are just helpless and it’s all out of your control. Well, it’s true that you can’t control the economy or magically make your retirement account go back up, but there is one investment you can make that will pay off. When you invest in yourself you might not be able to immediately put a dollar amount on the gains, but over time you will have realized returns far greater than those money can buy.

Your Time in 2018

The month of December rapidly escaped into the hands of Father Time, as though each moment had more important things to do. I’m a person who lives wholeheartedly in the present but to no avail, the sands of the hourglass are cascading in full furies.

Time bears all, time heals all and time tells all. In life and in all things, all you have to do is give it time. All in good time, all on its own time and just in the nick of time. Those are clichés, you might say. But all good clichés reveal what we believe to be mostly true.

What else is time? What value does 24 hours have to you? Better yet, how do you value your time? What are you planning with your time in 2018?

Time is like money (time is not money, let us not insult time) in that time is a resource. But unlike money, we don’t earn time. Time is allotted to us in a series of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, decades and so on. Time for all purposes is free. However, we can’t “make” more time, we can’t win time or borrow time; once our time is spent, once that second has passed, it’s gone forever.

Most people wouldn’t dream of wasting money, but what about wasting time? What’s a waste of time? Have you been wasting your time?

Time impacts our mind, body and soul. Each second, that can never again be regained, is part of the bigger time slots in which we develop, grow and mature. How we decide to spend our time dictates what will become of our mind, body and soul.

Time is directly connected to who you are and will be. The journey of our lives is a story of what we do with our time. How we use and make due of our time maps out how our time will be used in the future. What you do or don’t do today, matters tomorrow.

You can’t escape time and time will end. Time is precious and in the final hours it is said that the requests are not for more money, more cars, and more houses but rather for more time.

What are you planning with your time in 2018? What matters to you? What do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? Who do you want to spend your time with? Where is your time going?

Take the time to think about this today, because all you have today is today.

The Real Reason to Keep Your Enemies Closer than Your Friends

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

It took me years to understand the depth of this trite-as-ever quote. 

Most of the time, we’re incapable of comprehending certain philosophies until we’ve endured them first hand. Sure, it makes sense to keep your enemies close, so you can keep tabs on them and seek revenge by pouring ice buckets over their heads when they least expect it.

But, I learned this isn’t what the famous quote intended to preach at all. 

After going through life and encountering many enemies, I came to learn the quote means something a little more Buddhist and a little less vengeful.

I encountered my first enemies when I was in Secondary school. I was hated by many because I always got what I wanted…. Branded items…. The boys…..

A few years later, I made more enemies when I started dating big names and made more when I started doing well career wise.

Even till this present day, I am making enemies almost like I am a pro at it! Today, the enemies are mostly from the social media frenzy. People who think I am getting more attention than them from well-known people online.  

Look! I am a nice person. Well…. I can be nice and I can be a real bitch but I am mostly nice unless you really step on my toes then you will regret it.

All these enemies …. They are the ones who decided they would disconnect themselves from me because of jealousy and chose to do that and talk behind my back instead. If they only could be adults and just be nice, they would get the same attention. But they decide to play the back stabbing game….so be it.

Luckily for me, I’d been through enough of this bullshit, and at this point, I knew better than to cry about it or let it bother me. I laugh at how childish these women are and how desperate they are to get the attention they think I am receiving. Instead of internalizing public hatred and making myself miserable, I brushed it off like a pro.

I forgave them because I didn’t realize until later that karma truly is reliable. 

So forgive, but don't forget. Forgive your enemies because they are either insecure, giving in to societal pressures or going through something that makes them feel good about making you feel bad.

You will never cease to make enemies, no matter how old you get, but if you learn how to deal with them — to forgive them — rather than to let them chip away at you, you’ll be ahead of the game.

Confident people don’t seek to bring others down because they’re too busy working on their own empires. Knowledge plus confidence, whether gained through books or “street smarts,” equals open-mindedness. 

Open-minded people tolerate whatever situation you’re going through and whoever you are, regardless of what “being you” entails.

If you surround yourself with enough knowledgeable people, the once-in-a-while bully won’t even be a glitch on your radar. 

Don't forget, though, we learn the most we know from our worst experiences; your enemies will teach you who to trust and who not to trust. They’ll force you to build character. They might even inspire you to help others through your experiences.

If nothing else, they make for great stories.

And, despite the fact that each enemy had his or her own agenda and channeled his or own hate in different ways, they all did something great for me: They shaped who I am today.

So really….. What does it really mean to keep your enemies close?

We strive to keep friends close in order to enrich our lives. We're also inclined to appraise our interpersonal bonds with consideration for the degree of "closeness" we share with one another. For these reasons, most would instinctively assume that a friend ought to be kept closer than an enemy, and this notion is only strengthened by our natural inclination to move away from unpleasantness towards the pleasant.

This particular idiom is intended to make you think, and it achieves this by creating discord with your expectations and beliefs. At first, the thought of keeping an enemy closer than a friend—or close at all for that matter—sounds preposterous, and this compels you to ponder the idea.

Now, why would you keep an enemy closer than a friend? The closer an enemy is to you, the more intimately you will come to know their capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, tendencies etc. You can use this knowledge to your advantage. A close enemy is also one you're privy to the whereabouts of, so you're much less likely to be caught off-guard.

At another level, an enemy has much—if not more—to teach you about yourself. 

Superficially, your own capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies will emerge more prominently in the presence of an enemy, and this serves as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Even deeper, you can learn from the very animosity and opposition which exists between you and your enemy. We can choose to reflect upon why we are enemies with the person in the first place—does it all boil down to a misunderstanding? Am I prejudiced? Not only can we benefit by having our beliefs and capabilities challenged by opposition, but as we develop our understanding of an enemy, we may experience a shift in our regard for them. We may begin to view an enemy with less antagonism, and perhaps in times even come to know them as a friend.

 “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer” means to keep them close, as silent reminders, so you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Today, I am strong.”

** “I DON’T DISLIKE MY HATERS, THEY DISLIKE ME. I’M DOING NOTHING WRONG, I’M JUST BEING ME.” **

"I Love You"

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you they love you...

It also depends......does that person mean it when they do tell you they love you or are they just saying it out of habit? There's a big difference.

No doubt it does hurt more when they just spit those three words out and not even mean it or do anything to prove it.

"Don't say you love me if you don't mean it because I might do something stupid like believe it."

We should stop trusting words and instead start trusting actions.

We should also understand that when someone loves you, they don't have to say it because you should already be able to tell by the way they treat you.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously. So if you say it, mean it!

It is the same thing with the word "sorry".

You can say "sorry" and "I love you" as much as you want but if you can't prove it, your words don't mean a thing.

People say hate is strong word, but so is love and people are throwing that around like it's nothing.

Never say "I love you" if you really don’t care.

Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there.

Never hold someone's hand if you're going break their heart.

Never say you're going to if you don't plan to start.

Never look into someone's eyes if all you do is lie.

Never say "hi" if you really mean "goodbye".

Never take someone's feelings for granted because you never know how much courage it took for them to express them...

For me, I don’t let people in often and I mean what I say.

If I tell you that you're my friend that means a lot.

If I tell you I love you, I know that it isn’t just a phrase or expression and you need to know that I actually love you in the best and most honest way that I can.

You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.

I don’t say I love you out of habit or just for conversation. When I say it, I really mean it. Why can’t everyone do the same? Why are there always someone who would mess with someone else’s feelings?

Love ends when you stop caring.

Forgive the heart that hurts you and don't hurt the heart that loves you.. And don’t ever cry over anyone who won’t cry over you.

Don’t be selfish. If you do not love the way her hair curls at the ends or her nose wrinkles when she laughs then let her go. If you don’t see her as a masterpiece then let her go, because someone else will.

Don’t be selfish. If you don’t love the way she sneezes or the way she dribbles the toothpaste down her chin when she brushes her teeth then let her go. If your heart doesn’t almost beat out of your chest when you wake up and the first thing you see is her soundly sleeping on your shoulder, someone else would kill for that.

Being with someone when you know you don’t love them is cruel. It's not only cruel, it's holding them back from someone that could give them everything. Someone that feels waves breaking in their rib cage when they see her walk around the corner. Someone that has had the worst of days, but rainbows suddenly appear at the thought of her. Someone who hears the sound of her voice and it soothes the darkest of nightmares. If that is not you, let her go. She is wonder, she is magic, she deserves someone who believes that every single day, not just on certain days. 

I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we choose.

SO…

Don’t say it unless you mean it and if you mean it, you better be ready to prove it.

Don’t say she is perfect if she is not good enough for you.

Don’t say you’re aching if you haven’t felt anywhere near as she does.

Don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t know what you’ve done wrong.

Don’t say you want her to be happy if she can’t be happy with you.

For the ladies, letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

One simply do not go around destroying the people you say you love. 

Thank you Engelbert … BUT ….

"I, thank you, Engelbert Humperdinck, BUT the people I have to thank most would be your lovely wife Patricia and your children."

People always ask why at my age (a whole 37 years young) I am such a huge fan of Engelbert Humperdinck? What draws you to his kind of music?

I grew up on Elvis, Cliff Richard, BREAD, and Engelbert Humperdinck. That’s all I ever heard playing around my house while I was growing up. But I took a special liking and interest to Engelbert because of the fond memories that were created with his music.

I first took a liking to Engelbert at the age of 10. I didn’t have a bad childhood but I would not say I had the greatest either. It had its ups and downs although I say more downs… and I thoroughly enjoyed the days I spent with my maternal grandparents. They were a typical Eurasian family where music played an important part of our lives.

I remember my grandfather and I would listen to Engelbert on cassettes! YES cassettes. He introduced me to The Last Waltz and Release Me. We would sing these songs by heart together. We were never in tune but we had fun and more importantly, we made fond memories. I remember we used to play the song and pause it, write the lyrics down, continue playing it…pause it….write the lyrics…and if we didn’t get it, we would hit the rewind button.

My grandfather and I did this while my grandmother cooked and cleaned and sang to his songs. It was the happiest times of my growing up years.

When CDs were IN, they had the lyrics on the CD booklets and my grandfather and I thought it was the bomb!! I was about 12 then. We would now listen to Enge’s CDs and read these lyrics and sing along to the songs together. We laughed so much sometimes that it made us cry. I remember my grandfather’s grin clearly. In fact, he has the same smile as Engelbert!

As my grandpa got older and I spent lesser time with them as I was a rebellious teenager by then and was mostly out enjoying with friends… my grandpa’s eyesight were not as good as it was a few years ago. But I still loved him dearly and by then, I was introduced to computers. I remember, I typed every single Engelbert song (lyrics) out in a bigger and bolder font for him. I passed it to him and the sight of him being so thrilled will always be something that I will remember clearly.

Our favourite song from Engelbert by then was “Love Me With All Your Heart”.

Even during those years, I have not seen a single LIVE performance by Enge. I only knew what he looked like but never saw any videos! There was no such thing as YouTube back then.

My teenage years were rough. I was always so unhappy and depressed. I was on a downhill. Suicide played on my mind. What saved me? Believe it or not, music did! Mostly Engelbert songs. I would recall the happy times with my grandfather.

When I got married and moved from Singapore to America, my grandpa put a bow on an Engelbert CD that had “Love Me With All Your Heart” on it. The first few years living in a foreign country with total strangers around me, I cried every day. I was homesick but again what made me smile again was Engelbert’s music. By then, I found DVDs and YouTube videos and watched Engelbert LIVE for the first time and I was even more hooked than I was. I read up more about him and learned about him. I am one to always have a good first instinct and just by watching his LIVE performances, I felt that this man had no airs. A few years later, I would find out that my instincts would be correct.

In 2002, my beloved grandfather passed away. He passed away on the date Engelbert was born; May 2. Coincidence? Probably. But to me, I felt there was a meaning to it. I still don’t know what it is though…

I was devastated. He was the pillar in my life. He was the one male figure I trusted with my life and was the one I knew who truly loved me. And now he is gone….

During his final send off, we sang “Love Me With All Your Heart” in Church. I am sure he would have been smiling down at us.

As my life was again slowly falling apart, Engelbert saved me. His music kept me going. It kept good memories alive and little did I know, Engelbert would now create new memories for me.

To honour my grandfather and the memories I have of him, and of Engelbert who helped create those memories with my grandfather, I had a tattoo done with my favourite part of my grandfather’s and my favouite Engelbert song; Love Me With All Your Heart.  

In 2003, I was finally making good money in USA and when I heard Engelbert would be performing in Connecticut USA (an hour away from where I lived), I bought my mum an air ticket to come visit from Singapore so we could attend the concert together. It would be the first time I am seeing this great man LIVE. And it would be the first time I would get to meet Engelbert and build new memories.

So you ask why I love Engelbert? Because Engelbert have saved me many times and he still continues to do so. When I am down or depressed, I turn on his songs and I am all smiles again.

It will be hard for anyone really to understand but it doesn’t matter. As long as I know. That is all that matters.

The fact that through it all, I have also made new friends through the same interest; Engelbert Humperdinck.

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I, thank you, Engelbert Humperdinck, for playing such an important part of my early life up till now. BUT the people I have to thank most would be your lovely wife Patricia and your children. Without the love of Patricia and her constant faith in you, you wouldn’t be here doing what you do best. She never lost faith that you would be a star even in the tough times.

Patricia is definitely a woman of strength. I could never do what she had done and continue to do up till now. I would not have been able to ‘share’ my husband with the millions of women around the world who adored him.

Then I have to thank your children. I am certain they had their fair share of sacrifices they had to make while sharing their beloved father with the world. The many times you had to miss possibly milestones in their lives. I am also certain even up till now, they still face difficulties of being the children of Engelbert Humperdinck.

So truly, I not only THANK YOU. I thank your wife and children for sharing you with me and the rest of the world.

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Engelbert Humperdinck In Singapore

Early this year I saw them advertising for a Tom Jones concert here in Singapore, and that got me feeling kind of disappointed. I know he has a big fan base here but for me, personally, I would rather if it was Engelbert.

Then April 30, I still had a bunch of concert credits untouched for the year 2016 and I tweeted... "So NKOTB isn't touring this year. So what should I use my concert credits for? Backstreet Boys or Engelbert?"

What I did not expect was to be tagged to an Engelbert Live in Singapore photo on Facebook the very next morning!! I am glad I have good friends who know what I like! But to think I had just tweeted about it and now it is confirmed he will be in Singapore.... I was absolutely shocked!

I have after all been checking the tour page on Engelbert's website ever so often and was even told in December last year by someone close to him that Engelbert will be in Singapore soon.... but I was never one to believe it till it happens!!

This could actually have been better if I got the news on May 2 which happens to be Engelbert's 80th birthday and also the day my grandfather passed away. Why these two occasions have such a great meaning to me? Well, I shared a very special bond with my grandfather. I have such wonderful memories of him and I listening to Engelbert CDs together. My grandfather's favourite song was "Love Me With All Your Heart" and we sang it at his funeral and 4 years ago, I had part of the lyrics tattooed on my arm in honour of Engelbert and also my Grandpa. So May 2 does hold special memories to me.

People ask why at my age I am such a huge fan of Engelbert? Why can't I be? I was introduced to his songs at a young age.... I made special memories with my mum and grandfather through Engelbert's music. His music had helped me push through difficult times in my life. Watching Engelbert's concert DVDs gives me goose bumps. This man has such a powerful stage presence!! You feel it just by watching his concert DVD and you can only imagine what it is like when you're right there watching him perform LIVE.

Between the year 2003 and 2012, I got to see him LIVE in concert 5 times. Twice in America, once in Malaysia and two more times in Singapore. Every show held special memories and Engelbert never fails to wow me!

I have also had the honour of meeting the man twice between 2003 and 2012. What you see is what you get. He's a stunning human being. So full of love. So down to earth. It was after the first meeting that my love for him grew a lot more. I admired him more. And I respected him more. The love he gave to his fans was admirable! The love for him grew more in 2012 when we met him again. It was during a time I was struggling to cope with personal issues and being able to have that opportunity of a lifetime again helped see me through the roughest of time. Yes, Engelbert does have that effect on me somehow.

Not to mention, I got an Engelbert FOLLOW on Twitter which almost knocked me off my chair when it happened! Ha. And this sweet man would always cheer me up by showing me attention on Twitter. Either replying to my tweets, or Retweeting or Liking them. Then on Instagram too. What more can I say about this man with a big heart. His love for his fans is simply amazing!

Fast forward two years later, I started to get to know people close and dear to Engelbert. Which made this whole fan experience even more exciting....however, through the months, through the chats and through the years, I have learned to accept them as individuals and not because of who they are or if they are associated with Engelbert. Of course, watching Engelbert now will never be the same but..... you get what I mean....

Yes, I would love to meet Engelbert again but I will not ask those people for a backstage pass because it is just the person I am. As I said, I love them as individuals and will not use them to get to Engelbert. I will research and do it my way.

So back to when his concert was announced.... it did not give any prices for tickets but I was expecting it to be on the high side since the venue was already mentioned. I started my countdown timer....the first countdown was to when ticket sales started and the second was to his actual concert!

May 6 would be when tickets went on sale. The day before I had already installed the ticket purchase application on my phone and walked through it so I won't stumble when it was time.

When ticket sales started, I was out for a meeting. Actually, I was in the car heading for my meeting..... I got on the app and tried to book the front row tickets. But the application somehow kept assigning lousy seats. I was getting frustrated and also nervous as the clock was ticketing.... so I called the ticketing hotline and YES! I managed to get front row seats!! Happily gave my credit card number and it was confirmed! YES!! I will be in the front row watching Engelbert this July 15!!

Right after my meeting, I headed to the box office so I could collect the physical tickets up. Oh yes, I wanted to hold it in my hot little hand!!

.... I thought I would be happy with just seeing Engelbert in Singapore but beginning of June, his website announced a concert in Manila!! It will be five days before the Singapore concert. Now I am stressed because I would love to be there for that show as well.... but I do not like going to Manila. I guess it kind of settled my problem about whether to go or not when the website did not allow anyone without a Philippines credit card to purchase the concert tickets. But days passed and I really wanted to go for a second Engelbert concert!! So I asked a colleague to help me book the tickets and paid her for it. Wish I had thought about it earlier because I waited too long and I am in the 6th row!! Oh well....better than nothing....

So I got my Engelbert Manila concert tickets too, Flights and hotel booked. I am all set for an adventure.

Now tickets secured.... I had to find outfits for both shows.

My Singapore outfit was inspired by someone close to Enge himself. So I am excited about that one.

For Manila I had to come up with something as I was advised by my Filipino friends that since I will be there alone, that I should try not to dress too revealing. So I decided to bling an outfit!

And then it was the posters....I know in Asia, not many who attend an Engelbert concert will have posters but I wanted to go all out and so I made two posters! Why be like the rest when you can be different and stand out?

As you can tell, I am extremely excited. I have so much planned. This only just started. I have a whole bunch of stuff I still need to finish within the next 13 days before I fly out to Manila for my first Engelbert concert this 2016!!

Can't believe when I first started this countdown, it was at 72 days...and now I only have 13 days!!

Still cannot believe I will finally be seeing Engelbert again!

Farewell Mama ... Till We Meet Again ...

It is the day after we said our last goodbye to my Mama.

Every time I mentioned "Mama" many of my friends in other parts of the world had thought it was my mother. But I cannot blame them. Customs and traditions are different here in Asia. "Mama" is actually what the Chinese would call their dad's mother.

It was a long week…emotional and draining. When we got home from the crematorium yesterday, I slept for hours!! It was sleep I needed, sleep that I had lost the last 4 days.

Today, we went on with our usual routine because it was what my Mama wanted. She did not want us mourning for her after we said our last goodbye. Right after the cremation, as we tossed away our white t-shirts and arm patches, that was the last of our mourning for her.

Let’s rewind back to five days ago.

I vaguely remember my mum coming home in the afternoon, and telling me, “Mama had passed away… Papa has gone to help settle things for her funeral…”

It didn’t really hit me then. I went on with my usual Sunday routine with the family. I did not even know how to comfort my dad when he got home to rest…. What do I say to him? What do I do? All I asked was if there was anything I could do to help, to let me know….

Mama passing on was something I never expected even though she was 97 years old. I guess in the back of my mind, I thought she would live forever since she was such a strong woman. But who really does live forever right? Silly me.

Reality did not even hit me when my mum and I took my kids to the funeral parlour to pay our respects on the second day. Seeing my Mama lying in the coffin so peaceful did not even hit me because she looked as if she was just sleeping. It started to hit hard on the 3^rd day when the monks came in for the evening prayers and when the chanting was going on…. my Mama was gone. But being the “strong” person that I am and always portrayed myself to be, I secretly let out a few tears and quickly wiped them away pretending to still be strong. It was killing me deep down inside but I never was one to show my weakness by crying and letting everyone see me cry.

I finally let the tears flow that night when I got home and was in bed trying to get some sleep. I sobbed quietly and tears just flowed like a river. I was filled with so much regrets….things I could have or should have done when my Mama was still alive.

I was not her first grandchild unlike on my mum’s side where I was the first and thus I was spoilt rotten. But that does not mean she did not love me. I know she did love me very much and she had her own way of spoiling me and giving me attention.

When I was born, my parents told me how excited my Mama was. She paid big money to buy me gold and not to mention pearls that were crushed so I could drink it for great complexion when I grew up. She lived in the North side of Singapore and we lived in the East and every week, she would take the public bus and travel and hour or so to visit with me. Every time, she would be carrying me or holding me…. Of course I don’t remember most of that but I believe so because of all the photos I have seen of her with me. You will not find a single photo where my Mama wasn’t fussing over me.

When I was about 17 years old, my dad brought me a pair of gold dangly earrings. He told me my Mama had given it to me and that she had designed it herself. I was a self-centered teen and did not think much of it then….thinking that she had given all her grandchildren some kind of gold….. until we attended a family event one day and I wore those earrings because I somehow wanted to show my Mama I appreciated her giving it to me (even though I still thought then that I wasn’t the only one who got it). I remember we were all together talking and my Mama was there looking at the earrings on me with her sweet smile. It was when all my other cousins had left, when she pointed at the earrings, gave me thumbs up, smiled and said “swee ah”… (‘swee’ meant pretty/beautiful). It was then I realized, I probably was the only grandchild who got that special designed gold earrings.

I was not super close to my Mama like how I was and still is with my granny (maternal grandmother). But I grew up with my granny and practically lived with her half my life. But that did not mean I did not love my Mama.

We would visit her every once in a while but even so, there was always a communication barrier. She only spoke Teochew which I could not. I wish she at least spoke Mandarin so we could have talked. But whatever we had to say to each other was always being translated by my dad.

She may look like a very traditional Chinese woman but trust me; she is the coolest traditional Chinese woman you will ever come across!! She would always like seeing me with my tattoos or coloured hair, or many earrings, etc. I always looked forward to her salted duck soup during Chinese New Year.

My Mama was a very neat and well-dressed woman. She was vain and always carried herself real well. She always said, “Being married does not given any woman any excuse to not make up or dress well… a woman must always continue to carry herself well so that her husband will not get bored of her.” ….Wise words from my Mama.

I now think I know where my strength as a woman come from… not only from my own mother but from both my grandmas. Which makes me almost Iron woman huh?

My Mama raised five children on her own when my grandfather passed away when my dad was still quite young. The struggles she went through to feed them and give them an education. Something which takes real strength and to really be admired for!

During her wake, I learned something else about my Mama….

I was made aware of what a great woman she was and how big a heart she had. Not that I did not know that already… but it only made more sense…

I was told about how they owned houses along Telok Kurau and even after my grandfather had passed away, and when she was struggling to support five kids, she would still take care of the other kids in the neighbourhood. The kids were not just Chinese but Malays, Indians and Eurasians. The kids in the neighbourhood would call her “Mama”.

I was so proud to learn about that of my Mama.

She accepted my mum with open arms even though my mum wasn’t a Chinese. That alone makes me respect my Mama even more!

The last few years of her life were a bit crazy. She had her mood swings and could not recognize family and such. I did not visit her much as she lived with an aunt I did not care so much for due to personal issues. I only visited her a few times when she was at the hospital. For that, I truly have lots of regrets. But with the issue between that Aunt and me….I had every reason to avoid her for I felt she was a threat to my child and I then.

I wish things could have been different but as they say, “Could have, would have, should have….”

But hearing stories about my Mama during her wake was comforting.

My aunt was telling me about my Mama preparing for her own funeral years before. She planned out all she wanted at her funeral and she even designed her Cheongsam which she wanted to be sent off in for her final journey. She even had her under garments packed away with the Cheongsam. I giggled when I heard that. But what was funnier was when my aunt continued with the story…..

Ten years later, my Mama said the Cheongsam is not outdated because the one she had prepared had big flowers and now small flowers on Cheongsam was in style…..and so she designed yet another Cheongsam with small flowers to have it packed away for her final journey and donated the previous one. That wasn’t it…..her under garments?? She washed them every year and put them back together with her Cheongsam. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Oh….she also asked for a long zip for the Cheongsam she designed and when asked why a long zip? Her reply was priceless…. “Because when I die, I will be stiff, so it will be easier for you to put the Cheongsam on me”.

She was a Buddhist and during a Buddhist funeral, the immediate family members will have to sit through an hour long prayers at least with kneeling. My Mama said, “When I die, all of you sit down and don’t kneel because all of you will be old by then and once you kneel, you won’t be able to stand up and I don’t want any injuries…”

How can you not love this woman? Who did not love this woman? She had such a lovely character and a good natured woman!

I did not understand the traditions and such of the Buddhist faith so when we went for my Mama’s wake, it was a learning experience. From bowing and offering a joss stick each time we came to the wake…..to wearing a white top and a cloth patch on your right arm to symbolize if you were the grandchild, great-grandchildren, son or daughter, etc. Different colours symbolized a different family member. I wore a full white patch to symbolize I was the grand daughter who was married.

During the prayers when the monks were chanting, my mum, daughter and I joined in. We needed to be told what to do but we did as we were taught. It was our last show of respect to a woman who showed no hate.

The day before her final journey, after the evening prayers, we walked out of the parlour and sent a house over to the other side of the world for my Mama when she gets there. It was a house made of paper that we burned. Still it did not hit me yet……

On the final day before our final goodbyes….I lost it during the prayers. I could not remain the strong person that I was any longer. Seeing my dad mourning the loss of his mother and looking mighty frail himself, I was hurting inside. Then seeing my daughter cry when she hardly even knew my Mama but the few times she had visited with her…..the final view of my Mama before her coffin was closed was the hardest. It would be the last we would all see her physically on this earth. Tears just rolled down my cheeks like a river….as I comforted my parents and my daughter putting aside my own grief.

As her coffin was placed in the hearse, the immediate family were to follow behind, walking on foot, for a block before getting in to the chartered bus that would follow behind the hearse and take us to the crematorium. Oh and we could not use shoes or slippers, we were all given white socks and wore it till after the cremation.

I stayed closed to my parents and daughter to make sure they would be alright.

More prayers at the crematorium where the immediate family walked around my Mama’s coffin three times as the monk chanted prayers. It wasn’t easy knowing this is almost coming to an end…

Finally the family made our way to the ‘viewing gallery’. I knew this would be the toughest part. I had to be strong! I had to put my own grief aside because I had to make sure my parents and daughter would be alright……

The song playing in the background sent chills down my spine as we see my Mama’s coffin wait being cremated. As I am holding my dad who needed support most, I was shaking and could not stop the tears. I think it was the most I have cried in the five days. My dad had held his composure as well until my Mama’s coffin was sent in the room to be cremated and as the doors closed behind it, my dad lost his composure and gave out the most heartbreaking cry I have ever heard from him. I lost it but had to keep at being strong as he needed me at that point.

Rest in Peace Mama. You have had a good long life but you have also worked hard. It is now time for you to rest.

I will take care of Papa. You don’t have to worry about that.

We were really blessed to have had my Mama’s love and presence in our lives for so many years. Losing her has been a very painful experience for not only me, but everyone whose lives she had touched.

This has truly been a time where our faith was being tested. It has not been easy to accept her death while I am sure that she is in a much better place, it is still difficult to let go.

To my family:

Every family has their issues and problems. But I am proud that we put all our differences aside during Mama’s final farewell.

Again, I would like to thank my friends who sent my family and I words of comfort through FB comments or private messages, emails, Whatsapp messages and text messages.... your loving support has been a great help. Thank you for being there when we needed you most. No words could ever express our appreciation for the love and support you have shown to us. We are deeply grateful.

On behalf of my family, I thank you.

R.I.P. Mama. You will forever be missed but never forgotten.