Dear EX

 Dear Ex,

If someone asks you why I left you then tell them....

She was the most fun-loving and generous girl when I met her. She was not only pretty with her smile but also with the way she treats others. I did everything to make her mind in my own manipulative way. One day she finally told me she trusted me and that's where it all started.

She loved me and told about her dreams. She started seeing a future with me. She believed in me. She was always there for me. There were times when my anger and lies made her cry but still she forgave me every time. 

She have her efforts, time and all the love she had in her heart. She was so confident about our relationship. My fear of losing her was gone. I started taking things casually. I changed. 

She wanted to taste the different flavours of life with me. She attached her dreams and soul with me. Nobody loved me this much and I became "let it be" person. I stopped putting any efforts and I started giving her time according to my moods. She was always there for me. She told me that it's hurting her and she can't see me changing. I never took her pain seriously. 

With my changing bahaviour she became silent, cold and stopped expecting. She was not happy and I ignored. I took her for granted. I never worked on the things between us. I became selfish.

We started fighting and I became frustrated never admitting it was my fault. The truth is, she wasn't the only one and I did not really know if I did love her. I talked with other women and made them the same promises I did with her. I left that soul for whom I worked hard at trying to win her. I gave her lame excuses because I can't sound like a bad guy. I didn't give her the closure. She cried and her soul died. 

I was so selfish that I didn't see the murder I did. 

After a while, karma came into my life. She did exactly the same with me then I realised that I was so happy and calm before just because of her love. I lost the love that I will never get in my life. I know her worth. She moved on and she is shining more than before. Even crossing oceans for her sounds like impossible to win her again.

This is why narcissistic men come back....

 

He sees that you are happy without him, and his ego is damaged. This will often cause him to reach out in hopes of trying to dictate your emotions to strengthen his ego.

He notices that you appear to be doing better and may believe that you're beginning to move on. This belief prompts him to reach out in fear. When you successfully move on, it'll make it harder for him to return.

He's testing you to see if it is indeed possible to return whenever he wants to. He's priming you for an extended roller coaster of emotions. If he knows that he can hurt you, disrespect you, neglect you, and decide when he will return, then he will most definitely continue to do it in hopes of continually breaking you down. The more you let him back in, the harder it is for you to move on.

He's either bored with the person he is with now or the person is no longer interested in him.

Here's something a lot of women don't know.

Narcissistic men use relationship as a point of ownership, and even when a relationship ends for whatever reason, that man will add your name to a list of names of women he's been with. He will then reference that list to see who he still controls emotionally. You remove your name from that list by refusing to allow him back into your life.

You're rare,

you're magic.

Leave that mediocre shit alone.

Yes, in some cases, a man returns because he regrets losing you, but it's important to remember how and why the relationship ended in the first place. It makes no sense to allow him back into your life when you've spent most of the relationship uncertain as to how much you mean to him.

You're reading this for a reason, you're here in this moment with me for a reason, and I hope you understand that you deserve so much more. I want you to be happy, that's all.

A Very Unhappy Birthday To You

 19 December 2021

A very unhappy birthday to the someone I used to know.

It's sad how fake and manipulative some people can be ... and end up just taking from people who truly cared about them and hurting them. I saw the bad side of him about 2 years into the friendship but I chose to ignore it and was hoping I could change him and I thought everyone deserved a chance. He knew my heart and he abused it and manipulated me all these 7 years.

Last 2 years, many women who knew him and family had reached out to me to warn me because they saw what he was doing to me and they were trying to protect me. I listened. I believed them. But I continued..... because he played the guilt trip with me. 

So I should blame myself for what has happened as I should have known but I won't blame myself. I won't even say I wasted 7 years of my life investing my time in him. I have no regrets because this was a lesson learned.  

I've learned so much more about myself. I have learned how much I would do for someone I cared about or how far I would go. But towards the end I learned how much I could take and where I would draw the line and when it was finally time to say goodbye. 

The funny thing is....if you asked me now if I am heartbroken? I would honestly and truthfully say I am not. But I sure am PISSED. If at all possible, I want to tell my story and warn other women about him. However, if these women still want to give it a try then I can't do much because it is up to them to give it a try and learn from the mistake as I did. 

But I am glad I was strong and courageous enough to speak up and by doing so, I've had so many ladies contact me to share their story about what a monster he is. I cannot even bring myself to say I am glad to know I was not the only one who got played because I feel sad for these other women. 

I will not let him get away, and even if he does, at least I tried. 

As far as I know, karma is already working. He is now no longer with family. Probably got kicked out and hopefully disowned. But I will leave that to God. He will pay for all he has done to me, others and even his family. If not today, he will pay for everything in the future. 

Actually, he is already paying. Middle age, no real love, no career, no money, nothing to his name. That is punishment enough if you asked me or for him. 

I will be honest, I have tried to walk away a few times but he would manipulate me and use the guilt trip on me. I finally said enough was enough in September. And I simply walked away and never looked back.

So it's been 3 months since I walked away. However, about 4 weeks ago, he called and started apologising to me and telling me he was a fool and how much he missed me and loved me. Yes, it hurt more to hear that again because I know it was more lies. I was crying throughout that call but being the narcissist he is, I think he enjoyed that. He kept saying, "Are you ok Sweetheart."

I WAS NOT OK. I am now. But I wasn't ok. 

But I know why he apologised. He apologised because he wanted me to stop with the photos/memes. And he wanted me to unblock him from my social media platforms. OH HELL NO!

I wanted to write about my trauma and hurt right after that call but I waited. I saved it for today when it's his birthday. 

I won't get into details but I want to say to all, HE IS A MONSTER. I never thought I would ever use that word on him but other women told me he is and I now agree. I am saving all the details for a HELP book I plan on writing about dealing with a narcissistic person. 

All I know is I am not afraid. I gave him my all. I did my best. He is a user and abuser. He is not who he pretends to be. What I did is my karma and what he did is his. 

Of course many would speak ill of me saying I am doing this out of revenge and bitterness because he left. Believe me I have enough proof to show I was the one who left and he was still chasing. He's stopped because he hates me now. He hates me because he knows all that is happening to him now is because my words are stronger than his. Oh if only you all knew everything I have done for him and have been put through.

I am not here to make anyone like me. I am here for a lesson. This is my story and I am not ashamed. 

But a few have told me that they do believe J did love me. I don't know anymore and I don't really care. I truly believe he is not capable of love. Period. I think he enjoyed my company and what I had to offer.

Today, I wonder who will be buying him a damn birthday cake because last year no one gave a damn and so from 10,000 miles away I had an ice cream cake delivered to him. I have managed to get more done for him from 10,000 miles away than his own family have. Who is his next victim? Whoever you are, I hope you find out sooner than later and I wish you well.

As for you J, I wish you well because you will get what you deserve. 

A very UNHAPPY Birthday to you.

Have the Best Day Ever

 

Why don't we try and wake up each morning and tell ourselves, "Today is going to be the best day of our life!"?

You might think that is ridiculous and that it is impossible, but why can't we at least give it a try? Why don't we finally take control of our life? We cannot do anything that the past but we sure can take charge of the future! You just have to do your best!

Let's start with having a positive outlook on life despite the ups and downs we may face. 

Why not try these 10 morning steps to jump start your Best Day.

1. Clothes / Outfit

Spend some time the night before picking out the outfit you plan on wearing. This will save you so much time in the morning. 

2. Get quality sleep the night before

Getting good night’s sleep is important as it plays a major role in how we feel each day. If we get enough sleep, we are ensured energy and focus.

3. Ignore Tech

Technology these days can be considered a blessing as well as a curse. Start your morning by trying not to grab your phone as the first thing you do. Believe it or not, by looking at your phone first thing in the morning, it sets you into the wrong mental state. The notifications will draw you into issues. While it is work you cannot ignore, you can however ignore it for a while in the morning and address it at your own pace.

4. Drink water

Jump start your day and your body by drinking a glass of water.

5. Spend at least 5 minutes stretching

A good stretch in the morning is a good habit to have. You have to admit that it feels good as well as it being good for you. You may think 5 minutes is a short time but it is truly beneficial to your wellness.

6. Set one goal

Set one goal for the day and accomplish it. Nothing feels better than accomplishing something you set yourself out to do.

7. Breakfast

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Sit down; enjoy a nice breakfast without rushing. You can think of your 'one goal for the day' while slowly enjoying your breakfast.

8. Pick an affirmation for the day and put an alert in your phone

We always need positive affirmations so why not set a reminder on our phones to go off at certain times of the day to remind us of it.

9. Write down 3 things you're grateful for

By doing this, it helps you to focus on all the good in your life and it will help you to appreciate each day more.

10. Compliment at least one person

Spread positive energy and positive energy will come back to you. If a compliment would put a smile on someone's face, I am sure it is bound to make you smile, too. You do not realize how a smile and some kind words can transform someone.

Damage done by a Narcissist

 

TO HEAL from the damage the Narcissist caused, we must admit that we were fooled and that the thing taken from us was our INNOCENCE. 

We were naive about the fact that such vile people exist. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, don’t take on the shame that the narcissist should be feeling. Don’t let them project that on you because that’s their way to shut you up about their dirty deeds.

You were KIND to them under extreme circumstances and that is not a thing to be ashamed of.

Seeing them in their true light, under the mask, is the only way to deal with them.

Don’t let them mesmerize you. Forever look behind the mask. 

Straighten Your Crown, Queen

 

At the end of the day, when you care deeply, when you’re empathetic, when you believe in love and the beauty of another human being so deeply – sometimes, you can convince yourself to fight wars for someone who isn’t fighting for you, sometimes you can convince yourself to keep trying, or to not give up, but that isn’t something to be ashamed of. You tried for something, you risked, and even through it did not work out, you in return learned how to set boundaries, how to go forward with your heart and protect it – not in a way that is guarded and hardened to the world, but rather in a way that is informed, that helps for it to be preserved and nurtured, that doesn’t let it settle for things that aren’t for it. Now you know what you do not want. Now you know what you do not want to feel. Now you know the kinds of things you crave, the respect you deserve, and you won’t settle for the opposite any longer. Forgive yourself for how you got to that understanding. 

Becoming a Morning Person

 

Becoming a morning person has its benefits. It allows you to get a jump start on the day and you never have to rush throughout the day. That is a good thing because 'rush" is also linked to an increase in stress, which we all know is not healthy.

So how do we become a morning person?

1. Go to bed early
2. Avoid naps
3. Stop pressing snooze
4. Wake up to natural light
5. Get up at the same time everyday
6. Get moving as quickly as possible
7. Stretch right when you wake up
8. Meditate for 5 minutes
9. Drink a glass of water
10. Do something productive

The benefits of becoming a morning person:

1. You will be more productive
2. May experience improved mental health
3. Developing self-discipline
4. Feel energized
5. You will have more time
6. You might start feeling happier
7. You might sleep better
8. You will have a proactive nature
9. Lower your level of stress
10. AND you rarely regret your outfit choice because you’re never rushing out the door

Always do your best

 

I always do my best and my best is always good enough.

When you set impossible goals that you have no real chance of achieving, you are setting yourself up for failure; when you promise to always do your best you are able to have much more realistic expectations of yourself. Your sense of self-worth will no longer be dependent on outcomes and you will feel good about who you are regardless of what you have or haven’t been able to achieve.

When you truly believe your best is good enough, you can accept that you are having a bad day, or feeling a bit ordinary, without this affecting the way you feel about yourself.

Accept your imperfections

 

Accept your imperfections.
I am perfectly imperfect.

 

There is no such thing as perfection and yet so many people exhaust themselves and erode their confidence in the pursuit of it. When you accept your imperfections, you acknowledge that, like everyone else, you have many positive qualities but that you also have other, less positive ones … and that’s okay.

Once you have released yourself from the burden of perfectionism, you are free to use your positive qualities to their fullest. You can also decide which of your less-than-ideal qualities you would like to invest your energy in improving and which qualities everyone else will need to accept as ‘part of the parcel’.

Feeling Good

 

Feeling good about who you are and the life you live should not depend on a specific outcome, yet all too often I hear people put themselves down or beat themselves up because they haven’t done this or got that. I am sometimes guilty of that. Your confidence should not be dependent on the goals you have achieved, nor should it be dependent on the feedback you get from others, your dress size or the amount in your bank account. But if your self-confidence isn’t based on what you’ve got or what you’ve done, how do you build and maintain it?

The answer is simple. Make the commitment to treat yourself with the same kindness you show the most important people in your life.

Build and maintain your confidence and self-belief. When you commit to that, your life will no longer be burdened with anxiety, doubt or insecurity and instead you will feel good about who you are and the life you live.

10 Ways to Improve Your Budget and Save More

 

Improving your budget and saving more may sound frightening and almost impossible but believe it or not, it can be done. You can start with something as simple as a spreadsheet or writing on a piece of paper - how much total income you take home each month as well as how much money goes out on bills and other expenses. By doing this, it may help you make cuts on unnecessary spending, etc.

1. Cancel memberships such like gym memberships if you don’t use it frequently.

2. Make a shopping list for groceries.

3. Track your spending.

4. Put saving up for your emergency funds a high priority.

5. Bring your own lunch to work.

6. Write down your financial goals and stick to the plan.

7. Never waste food.

8. Purchase store brand products.

9. Unplug electronics when not in use.

10. Stay away from credit card debts.

10 Personal Finance Goals

It is wise to set your financial goals early whether it is a short-term, mid-term or long-term goal. This is important to do so you can make a step to being financially secure. If you don't work towards it or feel there is no need to, you will probably spend more than you should and one day may come up short when you need to pay for unexpected bills. What is worse is you may get sucked into paying a high credit card debt and what will you do when you retire? So why not start planning on simple financial goals?

 

1. Track Your Net Worth

 

Your net worth is actually everything you own of significance which is also your assets. With that you minus what you owe in debts which is called your liabilities. Assets can include cash savings, investments, and your home if you own it, cars and anything else that you own that has any value.

 

2. Build another Source of Income

 

Think of idea on how else you can make money aside to your full time job. Maybe you could find online surveys that pay or start an online business.

 

3. Buy a Term Insurance

 

Never get mixed up about insurance and investment.

 

4. Improve Your Knowledge about Finances

 

The key to being successful at anything you do is being knowledgeable on the subject. The same goes for creating your personal finance goals. You need to have knowledge on it in order to make better decisions and plans. Best way to gain knowledge it by reading and there are lots of information on the web.

 

5. Use Your Credit Card Wisely

 

It is never a good idea to have a credit card debt but if you do learn to use your credit card responsibly, it could allow you to get loans at favourable interest rates and it can also help earn rewards on your purchases.  

 

6. Invest Sensibly

 

Spend some time learning investment basics while working on your mindset. You do not have to be an expert to start investing. If you’re new, learning about investing can be frightening. However, there are lots of tips and materials online you could read up and learn.

 

7. Emergency Fund

 

Start building an emergency fund. It is a good thing to have and also know how to use.

 

8. Nominees

 

Speak to a lawyer. Be prepared. Work on estate planning and make a Will with your updated nominees.

 

9. Planning for Retirement

 

To see the magic of compounding, start planning for retirement early.

 

10. Financial Documents

 

Always arrange all your financial related documents neatly and orderly. Manage it in a systematic way.