Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner

Years have passed and I have my own kids now. Decisions can be made by me and I need not seek approval from my parents. Thank god if you asked me, especially when it concerns Chinese New Year.

From as far back as I can remember, I always dreaded this particular festive season. Of course I hate it more now since being married, I cannot receive any more red packets (money envelopes) and instead have to give them out.

I never ever felt connected to the Chinese side of me. I'm not kidding. Since I could talk, I would always say "I not Chinese. I Eurasian." No offence but it's just how I felt and till today I still feel the same way.

But going back to why I hate Chinese New Year.....

As a kid, I never had a voice. I never could make a decision so for years, I dreaded going over to my dad's side to visit. Most kids would be excited to collect red packets but for me, if I had a choice, I'd rather not get any and just stay home.

I have quite a few valid reasons for not enjoying the visits during the Chinese New Year season and that being....

1. It was like duck and chicken trying to communicate. I didn't speak dialect and they didn't speak English.

2. Those that could speak English would like to compare their kids with the rest. Such like "Oh how come you're only in Normal stream? Ah Boy is in Express." ... but that's just one example of the comparisons they like to make.

3. We can't use black or blue because it's mourning colours they say. But while we wear red and other bright colours, those who had something to say about what we wore, would come in "mourning" colours and it is ok. Why? Is it because we are mixed blood and not pure Chinese that they have to pick on us?

If I visited them now, they wouldn't like me much because I have a lot of comparisons I'd like to make now....the first would be, "How come you all are so ugly unlike us? Oh....it's because we're mixed blood." And the next would be, "how come you all are so un-mannered unlike us?"

Screw the red packets...it wasn't like they gave us healthy red packets.  You would think with all the bragging they did, they would at least give a decent amount. But no.

Anyway, I don't need to put my kids through that misery of communication problems and comparisons. Yes my kids are part Chinese and I have never ever denied them of that heritage.

The thing I remember fondly about Chinese New Year was how things changed through the years. How we went from traveling at the back of a hot stuffy van to a Toyota and then to a Mercedes, etc. That is something that would always stick out in my head. How much the family worked hard to get to where we were.

Nevertheless, Chinese New Year this year was a quiet and simple affair, just like the past few years.

We didn't go anywhere. Stayed home and had a steamboat dinner and went downstairs with the kids to play with the fire sparklers. It was just what the doctor prescribed. Just the people I wanted to be around with and no one else.

Online Friends

I have to say that I have been pretty fortunate “meeting” many wonderful people online (my hubby too, in case some of you didn't know).

But looking at the above screen capture from my Facebook page, I wanted to blog about how lucky I have been over the years when it comes to meeting people online. Through the years, I have made many friends who even if I have not met in person (yet), still plays an important role in my life. A handful I have known since 1998 and some I have recently gotten to know, but no matter how long I have known any one person, each one of you play a different role in my life. You've been there with me through thick and thin. You have seen me take that giant leap and move 12,000 miles away from my country to meet my husband and get married. You saw my kids grow up. And many more milestones in my life…you showed me love and given me so much support.

Thank you.

Moving back to the above screen capture…

I have recently met this wonderful online friend by the name of Kevin Patrick O'Brien Jr. How you might ask? I don’t really remember. But if I am not mistaken, he had added me through NKOTB friends which I am glad he did because he is a riot and never fails to keep my online life colourful.

Both Kev and I have figured that we’re long lost evil twins. We must have been separated at birth or something although how the hell one would have an Irish twin and as Asian twin, god only knows. However, there’s something different above Kev. He speaks his mind and whatever comes out of his mouth, you know for sure it’s straight from his heart (whether you like it or not).

He fills my heart with warmth through his statuses and comments and makes me laugh with his goofiness. I think I do the same for him because he never fails to tell me so. Thus why we came to a conclusion that we’re evil twins. I just feel accomplished knowing that I do play an important role in his life, that I am that friend who is there for him to leave him in stitches and with stupid big goofy smiles and I hope I never will stop doing that for him.

Kev, thanks for coming in to my life. I will forever be grateful and will forever support you in all that you do. You’re a good man and you deserve the best things life has to offer. If at any time you hit a low, I will be there to kick your ass back up and that is my promise. Ha!

(You really touched my heart greatly when we had the above conversation on Facebook. Never in my life, did I think I would play an important role in a friend’s life…important enough to be mentioned during your get better sessions).

Oh and by the way, I am very proud of you attaining four years sobriety. Keep it up!!

And in case some of you didn't know... Kev is a really awesome singer/rapper. Check out his latest song: 50 Shades Of Shay

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It was the year 1998. I was damn proud to have bought myself a laptop. It was a boat anchor but a laptop all the same.

Upon applying for internet connection with Pacific Internet, I got on a chat line so check out what all the hype was all about. Just as I had figured how to log in, I got into mIRC and #soundbar channel, and I received a private message from a “LordVader”. Yes, little did I know he would be my husband.

He was obviously more grounded than everyone else, and his grammar was impeccable. He knew so much about where I was from. Or at least he Googled it. He asked me interesting questions. I could already tell what he was like, just from the messages.

We talked for about 5 months or so before losing touch with each other. Didn't think much of it since we initially met, both of us were involved in other relations.

A couple months later, I finally started to get a bit more tech savvy and downloaded ICQ in which I remember him asking me to get. So who was the first person I added after installing it? Yup! I added ‘my future husband’.

One day, he got online again and I asked if he remembered me and he answer, “Of course!”. As fate had it, we had both broken up with our partners at about the same time. He sent me a photo of him but I didn't exactly want to believe it was really him. One day, I finally found the courage to call him and we spoke for a bit.

We soon switched to email, which felt like a serious commitment. Things were moving fast. It wasn't too long before we decided to meet. It was either he come to Singapore or I go to America. I jumped at the opportunity as it had always been my dream to visit the USA. Applied for my travel visa, bought my tickets and headed up to meet “LordVader” for the first time. I am actually surprised my parents didn't stop me but I admit, I told them a lot of lies too. Haha…for one, I told them I would be staying with his sister. Oops!

I was all excited until it was 10 minutes before the plane would land in NYC! I have never felt so many butterflies in my stomach. I just whispered to myself, “too late now fool”. Got off the plane and there he was, with his long blonde hair let down, wearing his long leather trench coat. One consolation was he didn't lie when he sent the photo to me. I remember my heart raced so fast that I almost couldn't control my nerves.

Just a week into my trip, we headed up to Maryland to visit with his baby sister and there, after a great dinner, he offered me a glass of champagne. At the last drop of it, a ring slipped from the bottom of the glass and hit my lips. Oh my god! It was happening…. The day I had always dreamed and imagined what it was going to be like. He got down on his knees, asked if I would marry him and the moment I said “yes”, he slipped that beautiful diamond ring on to my finger. I was going to be a wife soon…but how am I going to break this news to my family?

Somehow everything fell right in to place. After three months of being with him, I went back home to tell my family about it and packed my bags to leave my country, my family, my comfort zone for good. Twenty years of my life was packed up in two suitcases. It was a huge leap for me and I took that risk and today I am glad I did.

We were married in April 2000. I was two months shy of turning 21 years of age. My mum was the only family I had there at my beautiful park wedding. But a year after, we made our way back to Singapore and did it all over again…we got married the second time. This time it was for my family to witness.

This April would be 14 years since we got married, and I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach any more when I see him (it’s a good thing), but it is pretty nice to remember when I did.

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To think I was one of the skeptics about online romance.

But after all that is said and done, I feel that sometimes it’s easier to meet people online. But trust your gut – things aren't always what they seem.

In some ways, meeting people online is similar to meeting people in real life. But online relationships can be different – and more dangerous – than meeting people in real life.

There’s some real risks in meeting up with people who you've only had contact with online. The thing is, it’s hard to know what the person is really like – because the only thing you know about them is what they've told you. When you haven’t met face to face, you can’t easily pick up the body language cues that can help us to judge whether someone is genuine or not. You might not know their friends or family or anyone around them. You don’t have any way of verifying that they are who they say they are.

I sure did take a huge risk and Ed wasn't even in the same country as me! Sometimes it scares me and I wonder about the “what ifs”? But I followed my heart and my gut.

If there’s a little voice telling you something’s not right – listen to it.

So I’ll say that it’s damn important to be smart. You need to protect yourself.

Again, though, for all its dangers the web can bring wonderful things as well.

Happy Birthday My Son

My little man is a whole year older!

I dare say that only a few parents are privileged to be blessed with a son like him. The day he was born was a day to celebrate! He changed the world as soon as he entered in. Time flies so fast and he has become a lot stronger and bigger but he will always be my baby. I just cannot find the exact words to tell him that we are so proud of what he has become through the years!

He is making us more and more proud with each year that goes by. We hope he is as excited about his birthday this year as we were the day he was born. It was a magical miracle.

We've always been proud of him. Now more than ever, our hearts are bursting with pride, because he is growing into a remarkable person — so full of love and joy. He's growing up so fast, and I'm starting to feel old but it's worth it as I get to see him become the wonderful young man that he is becoming.

Happy birthday to the best son in the whole wide world! We love you so much Logan Aaron Palmer!

I hope that when today is all done, you can say that your birthday was fun.

Shine bright like your cute smile, always!

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It was a fight but we finally gave in to our heart and kept the kids home from school today.

Logan woke up early this morning and came running in to our bedroom with his presents, and saying, "Look at my happy face!"

For a week, he's been patiently waiting to open these presents...

His little desires were fulfilled as he opened his two gifts from Ed and I and another from my mum. He got what he wanted...the so very expensive Roadbuster Transformer and his Nerf Gun to add to his collection.

By 10.45am, we were out the door and heading to Seoul Garden at Tampines Mall for lunch as per request by the birthday boy. We spent a good two hours there. The kids really do enjoy themselves there.

Made our way back home and while Logan enjoyed his new toys, I baked his birthday cake for him.

The rest of the day/evening was relaxing but most of all, the kids especially Logan had a great day. Not to mention Logan was thrilled that his Google page on his computer was personalized with a "Happy Birthday Logan" message!

I still can't believe how much my little man has grown.

The First Day of School

The first day of school is always a big day for children especially for the parents (ME!).

This year would be the first day of primary school for my son and I was assuming it must be a big day for him (or so I thought!) and I had months of sleepless nights over it…but try asking him and even you would be surprised by what he will tell you.

Did Logan have any concern prior to his first day at Primary school? Of course he did. He wondered if his classmates from kindergarten would be attending the same primary school as him, and he was hoping they would be in the same class. “Networking” has now started early.

Come to think of it, this was exactly the main concern of my daughter who is now in Primary 5 – if her best friend would join her in class this year. As I see it, my kids have moved on with the times. First-day anxiety or clinging on to mummy's arm probably happens only on the first day at nursery or kindergarten only… Although my kids never had that problem (thank goodness).

In that respect, I can't over-emphasise the importance of attending pre-school or teaching your kids from a young age to be independent and not to shelter them too much and to give them the opportunity to socialise with other kids and adults from a young age.

My hubby and I have always introduced our kids to the real world in stages. At a young age, we taught them to share and respect other children and adults, and they were taught to obey rules and take instructions.

As my kids were raised more in a Western way with Asian values, they have already been introduced to the real world since they were able to understand it, so the first day of primary school was rather a non-eventful one for them (it was for me though as I get to see my babies move on to a new chapter in their lives). My kids were in fact more excited about the new bag, stationary, water bottles and lunch boxes.

Even so, as independent as my kids were, both my husband and I still explained to Logan about the difference at primary school. Primary school is where he would have to sit down and pay extra attention.

For my daughter, out went the pink Disney Princess school bag. It's like she was coming of age (and she is although I never want to admit that).

As to what was the most daunting task most kids had to face during the first few days of primary one: my guess is that it would be using money to buy their own food during recess. Thus why school nowadays actually have parents pay in advance for packed meals for their kids for the first 3 days of school. I did it so my son would slowly ease into the primary school lifestyle and after which, they will have a buddy to accompany them during recess for another 3 days.

All the worrying I did went down the gutter when I sneaked into his school with all the other anxious parents to peek at him during recess. He was comfortable in this new environment and didn't show one bit of nervousness. The fact that he ran up to me showing food and drinks that was not the ones that I had paid for in advance, made me so damn proud. He's going to be ok.

It's amazing how my kids pick up different skills like ducks to water!

To many of us, our school years were the best part of our lives (for me, it wasn't just school and studied but what was memorable was the mischief and trouble we got ourselves into). So make sure that the tradition lives on with our children (not the getting into trouble part)! Children can enjoy going to school even if it's not for the lessons, they can still enjoy the bonds of friendship with their peers.

It doesn't take one long to realize that primary school education has evolved (and is still continuing to evolve) way beyond what parents were used to during their own days as students going through the Singapore education system. I have mixed feelings about it. It's good that our kids would be smarter than us and move forward quicker but I don't like the fact that kids are so stressed. Because of this fast paced education system, kids are not allowed to be kids and before they know it, they've missed out on their childhood.

Yes of course I want my kids to excel but I don't intend to push them like how majority of the parents around here push their kids. Tuition classes one after another, ballet, golf.... I want my kids to study but I want my kids to enjoy their childhood and remember it when they are parents themselves.

Well, today is the day my son will move on to a new chapter in his life where he will face new challenges, new responsibilities and will make many new friends.

I couldn't be more blessed to have my two angels.