The Singapore Association of Magicians once again opened the doors to the members of the public. We celebrated Christmas with members, their families, friends and some members of the public who heard about our event through Facebook.
Something a little different this year though... for me anyway. This year I performed. I guess we can call it a comeback since I've not taken the stage in over 17 years.
Buffet dinner commenced at 7.30pm and our turn out was great. We had a full house and by 8:22pm we started the evening's programme. I had requested to perform first so I wouldn't be nervous all evening but the other performers had already set the stage. Oh well....a few beers till after the break...
Break time…..
This was when I nervously helped my dad set up the stage for my performance with my daughter. Over 20 years ago, I had done solo performances, duos with my dad and brother…and now I get to do a duo with my daughter! Thrilling but why am I so nervous? Well, I have not been on stage in over 17 years!
But both my daughter and I have been practicing and going through the routine for the last two weeks. All props and bouquet of flowers painstakingly were made by my dad. (Thanks Pa) Well, we had hoped to put up a creditable performance and I don’t think we did too bad. Not bad for someone who hasn't done this in so long. But as always, my daughter is amazing. Always so cool and so confident.
So what were my real feelings from the time after I had set the stage up?
Well, I was sitting there getting ready to go out into the crowd, a rush of fear flowed through my soul, a deep and cold fear that of which I cannot explain. I had practiced and tried perfecting the routine for over two weeks. Not for a night but for weeks, a cold sweat rushed over my flesh. Creating a sticky feel on my skin that irritated me to death. I was fidgety and nervous.
My parents and wonderful husband told me that I was going to do fine and that the performance would be a success but I didn't believe them because I was so focused on what could have gone wrong, it was as if the world had come to an end only I was the only one to experience it first.
Still my heart was pounding in my chest. Butterflies in my stomach. Cold, clammy hands. Feeling light-headed, tight, weak, and shaky. I felt my mind racing. Doubts and fears popping into my head and a vague sense that something bad was going to happen....I started kicking myself for not practicing more.
For what it’s worth, I learned that anxiety is pretty common even among professional performers.
Nevertheless, our performance was well received and it went well. Most of all we had fun and my daughter and I made another lifetime memory together. Just glad everything just "clicked" and once on stage, I actually felt like I was in total control and everything just flowed easily.
If you asked if I would ever do it again in the near future, I would reply, "I sure would! But I hope to try out a mother and kiddos routine and have my son join us to make yet another memory."
P.S. Thank you Billy Scadlock for joining us this evening and showing your support.
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