Self-doubt and insecurity have a sneaky way of creeping into life when you least expect it. For me, they often arrive quietly, disguised as innocent thoughts, until I realize they’ve been sitting in my head rearranging all the furniture. One moment, I’m excited about a project, a decision, or a relationship; the next, I’m questioning everything — my worth, my abilities, my choices. It’s not that I’ve invited them in, but they somehow find the spare key. Over the years, I’ve had to learn not just to “tolerate” these moments, but to actually work through them in a way that leaves me stronger on the other side.
I can’t pretend I handle self-doubt with saint-like composure every time. Sometimes it hits me like a tidal wave, pulling me under before I’ve had a chance to grab a life jacket. There are days I feel small, unqualified, and undeserving — and on those days, the temptation to shrink into the background is strong. But here’s what I’ve learned: if I only listen to those voices, they’ll keep me exactly where they want me — stuck. So, when insecurity comes knocking, I try to respond with honesty. I admit to myself that I’m feeling shaky instead of pretending I’m fine. It’s strange, but simply saying “Okay, I’m doubting myself right now” makes it less overwhelming. It’s like turning on the light in a dark room; the fear shrinks once you see it clearly.
One of the most important steps I take is to stop comparing myself to others. I know, easier said than done. Social media alone is like a buffet of comparison traps — perfectly curated lives, flawless careers, and people who seem to glide through challenges without a hair out of place. When I’m in a self-doubt spiral, that’s like pouring petrol on a fire. So I’ve made it a habit to take breaks from scrolling when I notice my confidence dipping. I remind myself that I’m seeing other people’s highlight reels, not the behind-the-scenes chaos. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade my “blooper reel” for someone else’s life — because even in my messy moments, my life is mine.
In moments of insecurity, I also go back to my “proof folder.” It’s not a literal folder (though it could be), but more a mental file of every time I’ve succeeded despite my doubts. Times I’ve been terrified to start something but did it anyway — and it turned out better than I imagined. Times someone believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. I think of the speeches I’ve given, the projects I’ve finished, the relationships I’ve nurtured. Those reminders act as an antidote to the voice in my head telling me “you can’t.” They whisper back, “Yes, you can — and here’s the evidence.”
Another thing I’ve realized is that self-doubt often disguises itself as humility. I used to think doubting myself meant I was being modest, not arrogant. But there’s a difference between humility and tearing yourself down. Humility is knowing you’re not better than anyone else; insecurity is convincing yourself you’re worse than everyone else. So, I’ve had to challenge that false modesty. When someone compliments me, I try to say “thank you” instead of brushing it off. Accepting kind words without self-deprecation has been surprisingly empowering.
I also lean heavily on my support system. I have people in my life — my mum, my children my closest friends — who know how to hold up a mirror when I forget who I am. They’re the ones who will text me, “You’ve got this,” without me even asking, or remind me of things I’ve overcome in the past. Sometimes it’s not about them giving me a pep talk; it’s about having someone listen while I pour out all the messy fears in my head. Saying those fears out loud to someone I trust often makes them sound a lot less convincing.
Faith plays a role too. For me, returning to prayer or quiet reflection during these moments helps re-center my thoughts. It’s a reminder that my worth doesn’t depend on my productivity, my achievements, or anyone else’s approval. There’s comfort in knowing that even when I feel lost in self-doubt, I am still seen, still loved, and still guided. That shift in perspective — from “I’m not enough” to “I am enough as I am” — has been one of the most healing changes in my mindset.
Practical action helps as well. Sometimes, the fastest way out of insecurity is to just start doing the thing I’m doubting myself over. Action has a way of silencing fear. When I procrastinate because I feel insecure, the self-doubt grows. But when I take even a small step forward, I gather evidence that I’m capable. If I’m nervous about a presentation, I practice it out loud. If I’m unsure I can run a certain distance, I put on my running shoes and try. Even if I don’t nail it perfectly, I almost always realize I was far more capable than I thought.
One more thing I’ve noticed — self-doubt has a pattern. It often strikes when I’m stepping into something new or challenging. That means, oddly enough, it’s a sign I’m growing. Comfort zones are cozy, but they don’t demand much from us, so self-doubt rarely visits there. The fact that I’m feeling insecure usually means I’m stretching myself. When I reframe it that way, the doubt feels less like an enemy and more like a signpost saying, “You’re on the edge of something important.”
Of course, there are days when no pep talk or mindset shift works instantly. On those days, I focus on small wins. I tidy my space, go for a walk, drink water, call someone who makes me laugh. Little actions that restore a sense of control can make a huge difference when my confidence is shaky. Self-doubt doesn’t disappear overnight, but it can be softened by gentle, consistent care for myself.
Insecurity is part of being human. I’ve stopped wishing it away entirely and instead started seeing it as a visitor I can learn from. It reminds me to check my perspective, to connect with the people who lift me up, and to remember the strengths I’ve proven time and again. Most importantly, it forces me to separate my worth from my worst thoughts.
So, how do I handle moments of self-doubt and insecurity? I face them with honesty, guard my mind from unhealthy comparisons, collect proof of my past resilience, lean on my people, ground myself in faith, take action, and celebrate small wins. I remind myself that doubt is often a sign of growth — and that I’ve been here before and found my way forward every single time.
And the beautiful thing is this: every time I walk through self-doubt and come out on the other side, I get a little stronger, a little braver, and a little more certain that no matter how loud the voices in my head get, I have the final say in who I am.
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