Dear EX

 Dear Ex,

If someone asks you why I left you then tell them....

She was the most fun-loving and generous girl when I met her. She was not only pretty with her smile but also with the way she treats others. I did everything to make her mind in my own manipulative way. One day she finally told me she trusted me and that's where it all started.

She loved me and told about her dreams. She started seeing a future with me. She believed in me. She was always there for me. There were times when my anger and lies made her cry but still she forgave me every time. 

She have her efforts, time and all the love she had in her heart. She was so confident about our relationship. My fear of losing her was gone. I started taking things casually. I changed. 

She wanted to taste the different flavours of life with me. She attached her dreams and soul with me. Nobody loved me this much and I became "let it be" person. I stopped putting any efforts and I started giving her time according to my moods. She was always there for me. She told me that it's hurting her and she can't see me changing. I never took her pain seriously. 

With my changing bahaviour she became silent, cold and stopped expecting. She was not happy and I ignored. I took her for granted. I never worked on the things between us. I became selfish.

We started fighting and I became frustrated never admitting it was my fault. The truth is, she wasn't the only one and I did not really know if I did love her. I talked with other women and made them the same promises I did with her. I left that soul for whom I worked hard at trying to win her. I gave her lame excuses because I can't sound like a bad guy. I didn't give her the closure. She cried and her soul died. 

I was so selfish that I didn't see the murder I did. 

After a while, karma came into my life. She did exactly the same with me then I realised that I was so happy and calm before just because of her love. I lost the love that I will never get in my life. I know her worth. She moved on and she is shining more than before. Even crossing oceans for her sounds like impossible to win her again.

This is why narcissistic men come back....

 

He sees that you are happy without him, and his ego is damaged. This will often cause him to reach out in hopes of trying to dictate your emotions to strengthen his ego.

He notices that you appear to be doing better and may believe that you're beginning to move on. This belief prompts him to reach out in fear. When you successfully move on, it'll make it harder for him to return.

He's testing you to see if it is indeed possible to return whenever he wants to. He's priming you for an extended roller coaster of emotions. If he knows that he can hurt you, disrespect you, neglect you, and decide when he will return, then he will most definitely continue to do it in hopes of continually breaking you down. The more you let him back in, the harder it is for you to move on.

He's either bored with the person he is with now or the person is no longer interested in him.

Here's something a lot of women don't know.

Narcissistic men use relationship as a point of ownership, and even when a relationship ends for whatever reason, that man will add your name to a list of names of women he's been with. He will then reference that list to see who he still controls emotionally. You remove your name from that list by refusing to allow him back into your life.

You're rare,

you're magic.

Leave that mediocre shit alone.

Yes, in some cases, a man returns because he regrets losing you, but it's important to remember how and why the relationship ended in the first place. It makes no sense to allow him back into your life when you've spent most of the relationship uncertain as to how much you mean to him.

You're reading this for a reason, you're here in this moment with me for a reason, and I hope you understand that you deserve so much more. I want you to be happy, that's all.

A Very Unhappy Birthday To You

 19 December 2021

A very unhappy birthday to the someone I used to know.

It's sad how fake and manipulative some people can be ... and end up just taking from people who truly cared about them and hurting them. I saw the bad side of him about 2 years into the friendship but I chose to ignore it and was hoping I could change him and I thought everyone deserved a chance. He knew my heart and he abused it and manipulated me all these 7 years.

Last 2 years, many women who knew him and family had reached out to me to warn me because they saw what he was doing to me and they were trying to protect me. I listened. I believed them. But I continued..... because he played the guilt trip with me. 

So I should blame myself for what has happened as I should have known but I won't blame myself. I won't even say I wasted 7 years of my life investing my time in him. I have no regrets because this was a lesson learned.  

I've learned so much more about myself. I have learned how much I would do for someone I cared about or how far I would go. But towards the end I learned how much I could take and where I would draw the line and when it was finally time to say goodbye. 

The funny thing is....if you asked me now if I am heartbroken? I would honestly and truthfully say I am not. But I sure am PISSED. If at all possible, I want to tell my story and warn other women about him. However, if these women still want to give it a try then I can't do much because it is up to them to give it a try and learn from the mistake as I did. 

But I am glad I was strong and courageous enough to speak up and by doing so, I've had so many ladies contact me to share their story about what a monster he is. I cannot even bring myself to say I am glad to know I was not the only one who got played because I feel sad for these other women. 

I will not let him get away, and even if he does, at least I tried. 

As far as I know, karma is already working. He is now no longer with family. Probably got kicked out and hopefully disowned. But I will leave that to God. He will pay for all he has done to me, others and even his family. If not today, he will pay for everything in the future. 

Actually, he is already paying. Middle age, no real love, no career, no money, nothing to his name. That is punishment enough if you asked me or for him. 

I will be honest, I have tried to walk away a few times but he would manipulate me and use the guilt trip on me. I finally said enough was enough in September. And I simply walked away and never looked back.

So it's been 3 months since I walked away. However, about 4 weeks ago, he called and started apologising to me and telling me he was a fool and how much he missed me and loved me. Yes, it hurt more to hear that again because I know it was more lies. I was crying throughout that call but being the narcissist he is, I think he enjoyed that. He kept saying, "Are you ok Sweetheart."

I WAS NOT OK. I am now. But I wasn't ok. 

But I know why he apologised. He apologised because he wanted me to stop with the photos/memes. And he wanted me to unblock him from my social media platforms. OH HELL NO!

I wanted to write about my trauma and hurt right after that call but I waited. I saved it for today when it's his birthday. 

I won't get into details but I want to say to all, HE IS A MONSTER. I never thought I would ever use that word on him but other women told me he is and I now agree. I am saving all the details for a HELP book I plan on writing about dealing with a narcissistic person. 

All I know is I am not afraid. I gave him my all. I did my best. He is a user and abuser. He is not who he pretends to be. What I did is my karma and what he did is his. 

Of course many would speak ill of me saying I am doing this out of revenge and bitterness because he left. Believe me I have enough proof to show I was the one who left and he was still chasing. He's stopped because he hates me now. He hates me because he knows all that is happening to him now is because my words are stronger than his. Oh if only you all knew everything I have done for him and have been put through.

I am not here to make anyone like me. I am here for a lesson. This is my story and I am not ashamed. 

But a few have told me that they do believe J did love me. I don't know anymore and I don't really care. I truly believe he is not capable of love. Period. I think he enjoyed my company and what I had to offer.

Today, I wonder who will be buying him a damn birthday cake because last year no one gave a damn and so from 10,000 miles away I had an ice cream cake delivered to him. I have managed to get more done for him from 10,000 miles away than his own family have. Who is his next victim? Whoever you are, I hope you find out sooner than later and I wish you well.

As for you J, I wish you well because you will get what you deserve. 

A very UNHAPPY Birthday to you.