Engelbert Humperdinck In Singapore

Early this year I saw them advertising for a Tom Jones concert here in Singapore, and that got me feeling kind of disappointed. I know he has a big fan base here but for me, personally, I would rather if it was Engelbert.

Then April 30, I still had a bunch of concert credits untouched for the year 2016 and I tweeted... "So NKOTB isn't touring this year. So what should I use my concert credits for? Backstreet Boys or Engelbert?"

What I did not expect was to be tagged to an Engelbert Live in Singapore photo on Facebook the very next morning!! I am glad I have good friends who know what I like! But to think I had just tweeted about it and now it is confirmed he will be in Singapore.... I was absolutely shocked!

I have after all been checking the tour page on Engelbert's website ever so often and was even told in December last year by someone close to him that Engelbert will be in Singapore soon.... but I was never one to believe it till it happens!!

This could actually have been better if I got the news on May 2 which happens to be Engelbert's 80th birthday and also the day my grandfather passed away. Why these two occasions have such a great meaning to me? Well, I shared a very special bond with my grandfather. I have such wonderful memories of him and I listening to Engelbert CDs together. My grandfather's favourite song was "Love Me With All Your Heart" and we sang it at his funeral and 4 years ago, I had part of the lyrics tattooed on my arm in honour of Engelbert and also my Grandpa. So May 2 does hold special memories to me.

People ask why at my age I am such a huge fan of Engelbert? Why can't I be? I was introduced to his songs at a young age.... I made special memories with my mum and grandfather through Engelbert's music. His music had helped me push through difficult times in my life. Watching Engelbert's concert DVDs gives me goose bumps. This man has such a powerful stage presence!! You feel it just by watching his concert DVD and you can only imagine what it is like when you're right there watching him perform LIVE.

Between the year 2003 and 2012, I got to see him LIVE in concert 5 times. Twice in America, once in Malaysia and two more times in Singapore. Every show held special memories and Engelbert never fails to wow me!

I have also had the honour of meeting the man twice between 2003 and 2012. What you see is what you get. He's a stunning human being. So full of love. So down to earth. It was after the first meeting that my love for him grew a lot more. I admired him more. And I respected him more. The love he gave to his fans was admirable! The love for him grew more in 2012 when we met him again. It was during a time I was struggling to cope with personal issues and being able to have that opportunity of a lifetime again helped see me through the roughest of time. Yes, Engelbert does have that effect on me somehow.

Not to mention, I got an Engelbert FOLLOW on Twitter which almost knocked me off my chair when it happened! Ha. And this sweet man would always cheer me up by showing me attention on Twitter. Either replying to my tweets, or Retweeting or Liking them. Then on Instagram too. What more can I say about this man with a big heart. His love for his fans is simply amazing!

Fast forward two years later, I started to get to know people close and dear to Engelbert. Which made this whole fan experience even more exciting....however, through the months, through the chats and through the years, I have learned to accept them as individuals and not because of who they are or if they are associated with Engelbert. Of course, watching Engelbert now will never be the same but..... you get what I mean....

Yes, I would love to meet Engelbert again but I will not ask those people for a backstage pass because it is just the person I am. As I said, I love them as individuals and will not use them to get to Engelbert. I will research and do it my way.

So back to when his concert was announced.... it did not give any prices for tickets but I was expecting it to be on the high side since the venue was already mentioned. I started my countdown timer....the first countdown was to when ticket sales started and the second was to his actual concert!

May 6 would be when tickets went on sale. The day before I had already installed the ticket purchase application on my phone and walked through it so I won't stumble when it was time.

When ticket sales started, I was out for a meeting. Actually, I was in the car heading for my meeting..... I got on the app and tried to book the front row tickets. But the application somehow kept assigning lousy seats. I was getting frustrated and also nervous as the clock was ticketing.... so I called the ticketing hotline and YES! I managed to get front row seats!! Happily gave my credit card number and it was confirmed! YES!! I will be in the front row watching Engelbert this July 15!!

Right after my meeting, I headed to the box office so I could collect the physical tickets up. Oh yes, I wanted to hold it in my hot little hand!!

.... I thought I would be happy with just seeing Engelbert in Singapore but beginning of June, his website announced a concert in Manila!! It will be five days before the Singapore concert. Now I am stressed because I would love to be there for that show as well.... but I do not like going to Manila. I guess it kind of settled my problem about whether to go or not when the website did not allow anyone without a Philippines credit card to purchase the concert tickets. But days passed and I really wanted to go for a second Engelbert concert!! So I asked a colleague to help me book the tickets and paid her for it. Wish I had thought about it earlier because I waited too long and I am in the 6th row!! Oh well....better than nothing....

So I got my Engelbert Manila concert tickets too, Flights and hotel booked. I am all set for an adventure.

Now tickets secured.... I had to find outfits for both shows.

My Singapore outfit was inspired by someone close to Enge himself. So I am excited about that one.

For Manila I had to come up with something as I was advised by my Filipino friends that since I will be there alone, that I should try not to dress too revealing. So I decided to bling an outfit!

And then it was the posters....I know in Asia, not many who attend an Engelbert concert will have posters but I wanted to go all out and so I made two posters! Why be like the rest when you can be different and stand out?

As you can tell, I am extremely excited. I have so much planned. This only just started. I have a whole bunch of stuff I still need to finish within the next 13 days before I fly out to Manila for my first Engelbert concert this 2016!!

Can't believe when I first started this countdown, it was at 72 days...and now I only have 13 days!!

Still cannot believe I will finally be seeing Engelbert again!

Farewell Mama ... Till We Meet Again ...

It is the day after we said our last goodbye to my Mama.

Every time I mentioned "Mama" many of my friends in other parts of the world had thought it was my mother. But I cannot blame them. Customs and traditions are different here in Asia. "Mama" is actually what the Chinese would call their dad's mother.

It was a long week…emotional and draining. When we got home from the crematorium yesterday, I slept for hours!! It was sleep I needed, sleep that I had lost the last 4 days.

Today, we went on with our usual routine because it was what my Mama wanted. She did not want us mourning for her after we said our last goodbye. Right after the cremation, as we tossed away our white t-shirts and arm patches, that was the last of our mourning for her.

Let’s rewind back to five days ago.

I vaguely remember my mum coming home in the afternoon, and telling me, “Mama had passed away… Papa has gone to help settle things for her funeral…”

It didn’t really hit me then. I went on with my usual Sunday routine with the family. I did not even know how to comfort my dad when he got home to rest…. What do I say to him? What do I do? All I asked was if there was anything I could do to help, to let me know….

Mama passing on was something I never expected even though she was 97 years old. I guess in the back of my mind, I thought she would live forever since she was such a strong woman. But who really does live forever right? Silly me.

Reality did not even hit me when my mum and I took my kids to the funeral parlour to pay our respects on the second day. Seeing my Mama lying in the coffin so peaceful did not even hit me because she looked as if she was just sleeping. It started to hit hard on the 3^rd day when the monks came in for the evening prayers and when the chanting was going on…. my Mama was gone. But being the “strong” person that I am and always portrayed myself to be, I secretly let out a few tears and quickly wiped them away pretending to still be strong. It was killing me deep down inside but I never was one to show my weakness by crying and letting everyone see me cry.

I finally let the tears flow that night when I got home and was in bed trying to get some sleep. I sobbed quietly and tears just flowed like a river. I was filled with so much regrets….things I could have or should have done when my Mama was still alive.

I was not her first grandchild unlike on my mum’s side where I was the first and thus I was spoilt rotten. But that does not mean she did not love me. I know she did love me very much and she had her own way of spoiling me and giving me attention.

When I was born, my parents told me how excited my Mama was. She paid big money to buy me gold and not to mention pearls that were crushed so I could drink it for great complexion when I grew up. She lived in the North side of Singapore and we lived in the East and every week, she would take the public bus and travel and hour or so to visit with me. Every time, she would be carrying me or holding me…. Of course I don’t remember most of that but I believe so because of all the photos I have seen of her with me. You will not find a single photo where my Mama wasn’t fussing over me.

When I was about 17 years old, my dad brought me a pair of gold dangly earrings. He told me my Mama had given it to me and that she had designed it herself. I was a self-centered teen and did not think much of it then….thinking that she had given all her grandchildren some kind of gold….. until we attended a family event one day and I wore those earrings because I somehow wanted to show my Mama I appreciated her giving it to me (even though I still thought then that I wasn’t the only one who got it). I remember we were all together talking and my Mama was there looking at the earrings on me with her sweet smile. It was when all my other cousins had left, when she pointed at the earrings, gave me thumbs up, smiled and said “swee ah”… (‘swee’ meant pretty/beautiful). It was then I realized, I probably was the only grandchild who got that special designed gold earrings.

I was not super close to my Mama like how I was and still is with my granny (maternal grandmother). But I grew up with my granny and practically lived with her half my life. But that did not mean I did not love my Mama.

We would visit her every once in a while but even so, there was always a communication barrier. She only spoke Teochew which I could not. I wish she at least spoke Mandarin so we could have talked. But whatever we had to say to each other was always being translated by my dad.

She may look like a very traditional Chinese woman but trust me; she is the coolest traditional Chinese woman you will ever come across!! She would always like seeing me with my tattoos or coloured hair, or many earrings, etc. I always looked forward to her salted duck soup during Chinese New Year.

My Mama was a very neat and well-dressed woman. She was vain and always carried herself real well. She always said, “Being married does not given any woman any excuse to not make up or dress well… a woman must always continue to carry herself well so that her husband will not get bored of her.” ….Wise words from my Mama.

I now think I know where my strength as a woman come from… not only from my own mother but from both my grandmas. Which makes me almost Iron woman huh?

My Mama raised five children on her own when my grandfather passed away when my dad was still quite young. The struggles she went through to feed them and give them an education. Something which takes real strength and to really be admired for!

During her wake, I learned something else about my Mama….

I was made aware of what a great woman she was and how big a heart she had. Not that I did not know that already… but it only made more sense…

I was told about how they owned houses along Telok Kurau and even after my grandfather had passed away, and when she was struggling to support five kids, she would still take care of the other kids in the neighbourhood. The kids were not just Chinese but Malays, Indians and Eurasians. The kids in the neighbourhood would call her “Mama”.

I was so proud to learn about that of my Mama.

She accepted my mum with open arms even though my mum wasn’t a Chinese. That alone makes me respect my Mama even more!

The last few years of her life were a bit crazy. She had her mood swings and could not recognize family and such. I did not visit her much as she lived with an aunt I did not care so much for due to personal issues. I only visited her a few times when she was at the hospital. For that, I truly have lots of regrets. But with the issue between that Aunt and me….I had every reason to avoid her for I felt she was a threat to my child and I then.

I wish things could have been different but as they say, “Could have, would have, should have….”

But hearing stories about my Mama during her wake was comforting.

My aunt was telling me about my Mama preparing for her own funeral years before. She planned out all she wanted at her funeral and she even designed her Cheongsam which she wanted to be sent off in for her final journey. She even had her under garments packed away with the Cheongsam. I giggled when I heard that. But what was funnier was when my aunt continued with the story…..

Ten years later, my Mama said the Cheongsam is not outdated because the one she had prepared had big flowers and now small flowers on Cheongsam was in style…..and so she designed yet another Cheongsam with small flowers to have it packed away for her final journey and donated the previous one. That wasn’t it…..her under garments?? She washed them every year and put them back together with her Cheongsam. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Oh….she also asked for a long zip for the Cheongsam she designed and when asked why a long zip? Her reply was priceless…. “Because when I die, I will be stiff, so it will be easier for you to put the Cheongsam on me”.

She was a Buddhist and during a Buddhist funeral, the immediate family members will have to sit through an hour long prayers at least with kneeling. My Mama said, “When I die, all of you sit down and don’t kneel because all of you will be old by then and once you kneel, you won’t be able to stand up and I don’t want any injuries…”

How can you not love this woman? Who did not love this woman? She had such a lovely character and a good natured woman!

I did not understand the traditions and such of the Buddhist faith so when we went for my Mama’s wake, it was a learning experience. From bowing and offering a joss stick each time we came to the wake…..to wearing a white top and a cloth patch on your right arm to symbolize if you were the grandchild, great-grandchildren, son or daughter, etc. Different colours symbolized a different family member. I wore a full white patch to symbolize I was the grand daughter who was married.

During the prayers when the monks were chanting, my mum, daughter and I joined in. We needed to be told what to do but we did as we were taught. It was our last show of respect to a woman who showed no hate.

The day before her final journey, after the evening prayers, we walked out of the parlour and sent a house over to the other side of the world for my Mama when she gets there. It was a house made of paper that we burned. Still it did not hit me yet……

On the final day before our final goodbyes….I lost it during the prayers. I could not remain the strong person that I was any longer. Seeing my dad mourning the loss of his mother and looking mighty frail himself, I was hurting inside. Then seeing my daughter cry when she hardly even knew my Mama but the few times she had visited with her…..the final view of my Mama before her coffin was closed was the hardest. It would be the last we would all see her physically on this earth. Tears just rolled down my cheeks like a river….as I comforted my parents and my daughter putting aside my own grief.

As her coffin was placed in the hearse, the immediate family were to follow behind, walking on foot, for a block before getting in to the chartered bus that would follow behind the hearse and take us to the crematorium. Oh and we could not use shoes or slippers, we were all given white socks and wore it till after the cremation.

I stayed closed to my parents and daughter to make sure they would be alright.

More prayers at the crematorium where the immediate family walked around my Mama’s coffin three times as the monk chanted prayers. It wasn’t easy knowing this is almost coming to an end…

Finally the family made our way to the ‘viewing gallery’. I knew this would be the toughest part. I had to be strong! I had to put my own grief aside because I had to make sure my parents and daughter would be alright……

The song playing in the background sent chills down my spine as we see my Mama’s coffin wait being cremated. As I am holding my dad who needed support most, I was shaking and could not stop the tears. I think it was the most I have cried in the five days. My dad had held his composure as well until my Mama’s coffin was sent in the room to be cremated and as the doors closed behind it, my dad lost his composure and gave out the most heartbreaking cry I have ever heard from him. I lost it but had to keep at being strong as he needed me at that point.

Rest in Peace Mama. You have had a good long life but you have also worked hard. It is now time for you to rest.

I will take care of Papa. You don’t have to worry about that.

We were really blessed to have had my Mama’s love and presence in our lives for so many years. Losing her has been a very painful experience for not only me, but everyone whose lives she had touched.

This has truly been a time where our faith was being tested. It has not been easy to accept her death while I am sure that she is in a much better place, it is still difficult to let go.

To my family:

Every family has their issues and problems. But I am proud that we put all our differences aside during Mama’s final farewell.

Again, I would like to thank my friends who sent my family and I words of comfort through FB comments or private messages, emails, Whatsapp messages and text messages.... your loving support has been a great help. Thank you for being there when we needed you most. No words could ever express our appreciation for the love and support you have shown to us. We are deeply grateful.

On behalf of my family, I thank you.

R.I.P. Mama. You will forever be missed but never forgotten.