Beautifully Marked

As most of you know, I have lived with a birthmark all my life but I am finally typing this blog post because this week has been a memorable week surrounding the subject, “birthmark”.

I won’t lie but my birthmark has definitely made me the person I am today. Has it affected me? DEFINITELY. But not in a bad way. Not at all. It has taught me self-respect, confidence, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and most of all it has given me a compassionate heart.

My birthmark has given me a kinship towards people who are different. Nothing surprises me and it is not difficult for me to empathize with their struggles. However, the most important thing for all is to be able to feel accepted and loved. That is definitely something I hope I can and always be able to give others.

There has always been a mild speculation amongst my family and friends that my birthmark is the source of my creativity; I’ve always felt the urge to be different, good at crafts and most of all to bring my interests to life. Who knows if it’s true, but it’s somewhat a beautiful notion that my ideas and thoughts are getting extra nourishment.

I had never felt ugly before, never felt like I was disgusting. I was never bullied and on the contrary, I had and still continue to make many wonderful friends.

Since I was baby, my parents have treated me just like any other kid. I was never held back, or hidden from view. They respected my independence, let me shine when I was comfortable and believed that I could fight my own battles even when I didn’t. My birthmark has always been a non-issue with majority, if not all my friends and even boyfriends.

Now I’m not saying I would be a mean person, or a tough or a judging person, without my birthmark, because that’s still just not who I am. However, I definitely recognize the good in people, the importance of self-love, and how much I love helping others. This birthmark has helped me figure out who I am.

I am confident, I am sweet, I am humble, I am blessed. I am me. And most of all, I am happy. This birthmark has taught me more about life and love than I could ever imagine.

For those of you who aren’t too sure how you feel about your birthmark, or for the parents who are worried about their children, trust me when I say there is so much to learn, so much to be taught, about having a birthmark. It can be a tough journey, but it can also be so rewarding. And it all starts with learning to love who you are inside and out.

I believe if you love yourself first, the love of your differences will follow.

What has my birthmark taught me? Of course, everyone has things they may not like about themselves. Growing up, I honestly didn’t really care much about my birthmark. I had always accepted my birthmark even from a young age and I don’t ever remember my parents having any talk with me about how different I am from other kids. I suppose I accepted the fact I was different, naturally, because of the way I was raised.

But honestly, what has it taught me. I am 39 years old now…going on to be 40. And although some may think I am still too young to have experienced the full advantage and disadvantage of life, I have in fact been around the block a few times and back. I dare say more than most adults who are 10 years or more my senior.

1. I found beauty in everyone. Well… almost everyone…

2. I’m more compassionate and am able to understand tough times. I understand what it’s like to be different.

3. Self-confidence has changed my life and made all these other learning experiences possible. This is by far the most life-changing blessing I have gained.

4. Humility. I am confident and brave, but I am humble. I never think of myself as anything higher than others. I am modest and understanding of others and their situations. I’ve learned to take the time to listen to others and try to understand them.

5. I know who my true friends are whether I have met them or not met them yet. I never covered my birthmark through all my life and I have no regret about it. Maybe now that I am older and I somewhat know how to use makeup and have to keep up with appearance in the business world, my birthmark tends to get a little hidden. But believe me, it is never on purpose to hide it. I am in fact proud of my birthmark. It’s me. And because I never hid my birthmark, I never had to weed out the jerks who only cared about looks and the friends who only saw what was skin-deep and nothing more. I was always me. Love me or hate me. That’s your choice. But I am thankful for those who love me for who I am.

My birthmark has made me look at life differently. It has carved and shaped the woman I am today.

It all starts with taking your time at your own pace to come to love your true self with or without a birthmark.

Going back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned I am writing this because of the memorable week I had. Well, it started earlier in the week when I was preparing for bed and washing my face and thought how strange that my birthmark was actually getting a bit darker as I lost more weight. Yet, it didn’t make me want to change anything. I dried my face and went to bed.

The next morning, as I was in the train, heading in to the office, I saw this very young couple with probably their first child. A beautiful little girl about 2 years old. She had the prettiest smile and the most precious character. I noticed she had a birthmark on one side of her cheek, like mine. Well, I am glad that was just that for her as mine is a lot more prominent as I have it almost completely on the left side of my face…cheeks, eyes (thankfully it never affected my vision), forehead, behind my ear and neck.

As I watched her cheerful character and how her parents were doting on her, I prayed for God to give this little angel the strength to face life the way I did. I prayed to God to watch over her and to make sure she grows up to be a strong independent and powerful woman. To never let criticism ever bring her down.

A couple days later, there was a new cleaning lady at my office. She was a sweet little Indian woman. She asked me if what was on my face was a birthmark. I told her it was and she told me that in her culture, I am considered to be very lucky. Hmm….. does that explain why I am so blessed today? Possibly.

So what are birthmarks?

Birthmarks are coloured skin spots that either are present at birth or develop shortly after birth. Birthmarks can be many different colours, including brown, tan, black, pale blue, pink, white, red, or purple. Some birthmarks are only colorations of the surface of the skin; others are raised above the surface of the skin or extend into the tissues under the skin.

Birthmarks are relatively common and occur in 4 out of 5 babies.

The cause of most birthmarks is unknown. Most of them are not inherited. Many folk tales and myths exist about the causes of birthmarks, but none of these stories have been proven to explain the true causes of birthmarks.

There are two main categories of birthmarks -- vascular (having to do with blood vessels) birthmarks and pigmented birthmarks. Vascular birthmarks are often pink, purple, or red colored skin markings that develop before or shortly after birth. Pigmented birthmarks are skin markings that are present at birth. The marks may range from brown or black to bluish or blue-gray in color.

What I have is a pigmented birthmark called a Mongolian spot. Mongolian spots usually are bluish and look like bruises. They often appear on the buttocks and/or lower back, but they sometimes also appear on the trunk or arms. The spots are seen most often in people who have darker skin. Strangely enough, not only is my blood type rare, but my birthmark too, because it is on the left side of my face and I am fair skinned.

Among those who are not aware of the background of the Mongolian spots, it may sometimes be mistaken for a bruise indicative of child abuse.

Majority of us with birthmarks or a difference in appearance got bullied at one time or another, we all have been stared at and asked some of the same questions: “What happened?” “What’s wrong?” Some of us had a harder time with it and still do. A few have medical issues that come with a port-wine stain. Some choose to embrace and love what makes us different, some choose to cover it up with makeup, some choose not to. And you know what? That’s OK! No matter what our circumstances are, we aren’t alone. And that is an amazing feeling.

I love showing my birthmark. It makes me who I am and I hate covering it up because I’d rather choose showing my real self. It’s made me a stronger person and I’m proud of my birthmark.

I always said everyone has flaws, mine is just visible. But it really is ok to look different because we are made the way we are. No one is exactly like everyone else, including looks and personality. We are all the way we are and it’s OK. It’s OK to be different. I hate that we live in a society that is so stressed on conformity, but the truth is we have to accept that we are all beautiful. It all starts with how you feel about yourself.

So my closing words to those with birthmarks or who are different in appearance: Do what makes you happy! Don’t let anyone decide how to feel about yourself. Don’t let the comments or stares of others change your mind (although it’s easier said than done). Be yourself! It may take time to find out and realize who you really are. For a lot it takes longer and some learn at a much younger age. Just don’t let fear run your life, don’t try and run away from it, face it and rise. Your happiness is your choice.

You don’t love your birthmark? That’s OK! And believe me, it’s totally normal. The important thing is you still need to love yourself. Find out who you are and embrace it with or without your birthmark. Don’t let a mark (although very beautiful) bring you down in life; it does not define you. Your true self, who you are, your personality and how you treat others is what defines you. Love yourself first, and love of your differences will naturally follow.

Evaluate Your Life

October 19th is National Evaluate Your Life day and, as the name implies, is the perfect time to free up some time, sit down with a coffee (or tea, if you prefer) and think about where you are in life, the progress we have made and the path we are on.

During this time, we may feel that we would like to actually make some changes or we may not be satisfied with where we are. Better yet, we may actually find that we are making much progress. However, it is likely that we are somewhere in between.

Whatever it is, we should never punish ourselves if we have not made full progress because it is understandable that we are only human and we all get a little lost sometimes.

Do you have any balance in life? Are you able to juggle family time, work and alone time?

So what is it we need to really evaluate?

Why not start with your goals in life. Have you managed to at least fulfill some of it? If not, what are your plans to finally fulfilling all your goals?

Next you can look into evaluating your wardrobe (you may think this is unnecessary but how you carry yourself says a lot about you), your finances and maybe job performance?

Take some time out of your busy every day schedule, pause and reflect. What are you unhappy with and what are you proud of? Without taking time out to evaluate things, how are you going to have the life you wish to have? If you don’t put in the effort, it would be impossible to make the changes you need to make.

Most importantly, we need to evaluate our health. Without health, we have nothing.

So access your lifestyle, your activities and diet. Exercising can make huge improvements to your overall health.

Basically, we need to know we are no super human. We have to be realistic and know that everything takes time.

Above everything else, be thankful and remember there are lots in our life, too, that is going well and good.

Why Not Help Your Loved Ones Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices?

If you’ve been working hard to lose weight and adopt a healthy lifestyle, you probably know how difficult that can be, and how important it is to have the support and help of others who are doing the same thing. You’ve probably been inspired by someone else’s success, gotten some important advice, or found a sympathetic listener just at the precise moment when, otherwise, you might have given up.

When important people in your life are also struggling with weight problems or making healthy decisions, you probably want to give them the same help and support you’ve received from others. Easy enough, as long as they’re looking for what you have to offer.

But what do you do when someone you care about doesn’t seem to want to change their lifestyle or lose weight, even though they are putting themselves at risk? What if they really want the results of eating well and exercising regularly, but isn’t so keen on doing the things that make those results happen? How can you motivate someone to do what you know they need to do? Is that even possible?

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Conventional wisdom says that you can’t motivate someone else. Maybe you can, however, inspire them with your own good example, give them the information they need to solve problems, or support them when the going gets tough. But like the proverbial light bulb, that person is not going to change their behavior unless and until they want to change it, and is ready and willing to do what has to be done. The desire and readiness have to come from inside.

This conventional wisdom is probably true, but all it really tells you is what you can’t do to motivate someone else. You can’t provide them with a good reason to get healthy, you can’t persuade them to do it by the sheer brilliance of your logic and persuasive techniques, and you can't convince them by the persistence of your nagging, suggestions, bribes, threats, predictions of disaster, or other manipulative devices. Until the object of your concern wants to do something about their situation, anything you tell them is going to fall on deaf ears.

So, if you’re currently doing any of those things I just mentioned, knock it off before it messes up your relationship and drives both you and the person you’re concerned about crazy with frustration and resentment.

When you think about it, this makes perfect sense. How many people do you know who really want to be unhealthy and overweight, and wouldn’t prefer to look better, feel better, and be as healthy as possible? When someone ‘isn’t motivated’ to lose weight or live a healthy lifestyle, the problem is probably not that they are not ready or willing to enjoy the obvious benefits of healthy eating and exercise. If things were as simple as that, they would make those changes in a minute.

More likely, the problem is that, to them, they are ‘benefiting’ (in some way) from the way they are doing things now, and they are not sure if they will still get those same benefits if they make big changes in their life. Your best chance for motivating them to make desirable changes is to find out what they are getting out of their ‘unhealthy’ behaviors now, and what you can do to help them get those same things without paying the price of obesity, inactivity, and higher health risks.

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So what can you really do?

Do more listening than talking. Remember, your job is not to persuade, correct, or preach. Most people who are ‘stuck’ in unhealthy behaviors already know what’s wrong and what they need to change. What they don’t know, they can easily find out when they’re ready to use the information. Most people even know, more or less, when they’re denying the obvious, inventing rationalizations, coming up with excuses, only seeing the problems, and ignoring the opportunities. But arguing with a friend or loved one about these things just makes it that much harder for them to start talking about the real issues. In fact, people are far more likely to talk themselves out of these unhelpful thoughts than to be talked out of them by someone else. Your job is to listen, nod a lot, and say things like “Yes, that was a problem for me, too,” or, “You mean you do that too? I thought I was the only one.”

Lead by example. The best reason you can give someone for adopting a healthy lifestyle is doing it yourself and letting them see how it has helped you. Another dimension of this leading by example is talking about what you’ve learned about yourself in the process and the benefits that may not be visible on the surface. As I mentioned earlier, the ‘real’ reason people hold back from change is usually fear of losing something important or exposing themselves to danger. That something important can be anything from the simple pleasure of doing something they enjoy (like eating a bag of chips while sitting on the couch and watching TV) to some deep psychological need to stay overweight and avoid the risks of being socially or sexually active. They might be unwilling to give up a certain style of cooking because it provides an important feeling of emotional connection with their family.

Whatever the reasons are, change isn’t likely to happen until they feels like they’ve got some other realistic options for meeting these needs and desires. And most of us don’t like to think or talk too much about this kind of stuff (even to ourselves, much less someone else). You might be able to help move this part of the change process along by talking (when the opportunity arises) about how you’ve dealt with some of these kinds of things yourself.

The ideal solution to these difficulties is to make doing the right thing as fun and pleasurable as possible. That will always work better than preaching the evils of instant gratification, glorifying the virtues of delayed gratification or heroic self-discipline, and striking fear into the hearts of potential junk food eaters.

So, if you want to get your loved one to join in your efforts to eat healthy, put away those carrot sticks with the cottage cheese dip, and have a little contest to see who can come up with the tastiest and most nutritious new meal or snack ideas. The winner gets out of doing dishes. If you want to get the kids off the phone or the computer and on their feet moving around, don’t start with rules and limits, start by finding something they like to do, and offer to do it with them. You get the idea.

The good news is that a healthy lifestyle is something that most people will actually find pleasant and rewarding, once they give it a chance to grow on them. You can’t make that happen for others, or even convince them to try when they don’t want to. But with a little thought and luck, you might just provide the spark that gets the fire going.

Finding Peace of Mind

Over the past few years I have dealt with several personal hardships of varying degrees, including the sudden death of a loved one, the loss of a best friend, losing my job…. you name it, and I can tell you, I had to deal with it.

These experiences were brutal.  Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked me down and off course for a period of time.  But when my time of mourning was over in each individual circumstance, I pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.

In the midst of all of that, there were vital lessons I learned and ways I learned to maintain a peace of mind through it all.

I have to say that the biggest thing I learned was to trust myself.

It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.  As you heal and grow, it will all work out.  Relax and trust yourself.

Repeat that in your mind every morning.  Because the truth is, it all works out in the end.  Put your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future.  Life will not forsake you.  Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run.

If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough.  In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.

Next, I had to focus on what I was learning.

Mistakes and setbacks are simply a form of practice.

If the road is easy and free of bumps, you’re likely going the wrong way.  The bumps in the road teach you what you need to know to progress down a path that is all your own.  Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.  Sometimes you need to change a flat tire or two before you can move on.

Bottom line is, your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it.  To never struggle is to never grow.  There is no perfectly smooth road to anyplace worth going.

I have to admit; my next biggest struggle was trying to ease my expectations. But I did.

Life is under no obligation to give you exactly what you expect.  Whatever it is you’re seeking will rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting.  Don’t miss the silver lining because you were expecting gold.

You must see and accept things as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.  Just because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.

Keeping everything inside of you is unhealthy so you need to open up to someone you trust.

You aren’t alone; let someone special in when you’re in a dark place.  You know who this person is.  Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you.  Give them permission to stand beside you.  They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.

Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your situation, there is someone in your life who has dealt with similar emotions and who wants to help you.  When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie. 

Use hope to drive positive action.

Only in the dark can you see the stars.  The stars are hope.  Look for them.

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for.  And the most you can do is live inside that hope as you work for what you want.  Do not admire what you hope for from a distance, but live right in it.  Get deeply involved with the thoughts and activities that keep your hope alive and your intention possible.

No, hope alone will not save you from despair.  Hope empowers you to strive and grow even when your circumstances are in shambles.  The road that is built with hope is more pleasant than the road built in despair, even though they both may seem to lead you to the same place in the short-term.  But it is the positive growth you attain on your way to this temporary place that will benefit your final destination.

It’s all about balance. Accepting reality without giving up on what needs to be done to reach your desired destination in the long run.

Move TOWARDS something instead of AWAY.

“Don’t think about eating that chocolate cookie!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate cookie, right?  When you concentrate on not thinking about something, you end up thinking about it.

The same philosophy holds true when it comes to freeing your mind from a negative past.  By persistently trying to move away from what you don’t want, you are forced to think about it so much that you end up carrying its weight along with you.  But if you instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.

Bottom line is instead of concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something positive (that just happens to replace the negative). 

Take a few steps back.

Everything seems simpler from a distance.  Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly.

You are more than whatever is troubling you.  A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment.  Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment.  Be present.  Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions.  Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you.  Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles.

Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now.  Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge.  What advice would you give him or her?  If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently?  Think of the advice you would give your friend if your friend were in your shoes.  Are you following your own best advice right now?

Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking.  Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.

Give yourself time.

Take all the time you need. I am now aware that emotional healing is a process. Don’t rush yourself through it.  Don’t let others force you through it either.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken past and your wounded self.

Take today breath by breath, one step at a time.  Never let trouble from the past make you feel like you have a bad life now.  Just because yesterday was painful doesn’t mean today will be too.  Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.  Today you have a choice to explore these parts of yourself.  Give yourself the needed time and permission to explore and heal. 

Then look for the beginning in every ending.

A wise man once said, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Today is a new beginning. Treat it that way.  Stop thinking about what might have been and starting looking at what can be.

Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me.  Dear Future, I am ready now!”  Because a great beginning always occurs at the exact moment you thought would be the end of everything.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

―Vivian Greene

Weight Loss Plateau

For 2 WEEKS, I was in a SERIOUS weight loss plateau that had me confused, frustrated, depressed, and desperate. I did not lose one pound although I knew for a FACT that I was staying in my calorie range, exercising, staying off carbs and still juicing when I am not having a regular meal which is more often than not. During those two weeks, I tried EVERYTHING to break through this plateau. You name it, I did it. I was just OBSESSED with trying to get through this plateau. Nothing worked.

It was just frustrating because clothes were finally starting to fit better and I beginning to feel great. I've been steadily shedding pounds but it suddenly feels like a challenge to lose a few more to reach my goal weight. I was determined and have tried everything I know of but I still didn't see any changes on the scale!

Well, this past week I HAD to take a break from exercising because I am nursing a cold. So, I could not do a lot of strenuous exercise. I still ate healthy, although had some increase in calories intake. I got on the scale today, and what do you know...I lost 4 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like my body was holding on to all of the weight that I have been trying to lose over these last 2 weeks, but it would not let go of it until it knew that it could!

So, Jillian Michaels was right! She said that a plateau is your body's way of letting you know that it thinks it is starving. She suggested that during a plateau, one should increase the calories, and then expect a BIG DROP in pounds in the next few weeks. Well, that is EXACTLY was happened! I did increase my calories (by a little), gave my body a REST from the exercise, and my body responded by "releasing' the weight it had been holding on to for the past 2 weeks!!

So, for those of you who are in the midst of a plateau, I feel your pain! Trust me. I was just as frustrated, angry, and confused as the rest of you. But, I did NOT give up on my exercise or nutrition regimen. Although I was angry, I stuck to it and just had faith that the weight would come off eventually, and it did!

While this was probably not my LONGEST plateau, it was NOT my first, I am sure. I just never took notice of it until now. I also know that I may experience more plateaus as I continue on this weight loss journey. However, I have learned a valuable lesson: Give your body a BREAK sometimes. It is working hard for you, and needs a rest. My new plan is to take a WEEK OFF every couple weeks. So, I will exercise hard for two weeks and juice, and then take a one week break. That will give my body time to recover, and shed pounds.

I am SO THRILLED that I broke through this plateau I feel refreshed and SUPER-EXCITED to enter this next phase of my weight loss journey.

Let me just tell you this, a weight-loss plateau is an integral part of weight loss. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED! It is your body's way of protecting you for survival purposes. The weight-loss plateau occurs because your body thinks there is a famine and has slowed your metabolism in order to conserve calories. This will happen periodically throughout your weight-loss odyssey.

That said, a plateau will usually break on its own after about three weeks,

Keep up the motivation, be patient, and try to change your focus for a short time. Sometimes, too much focus and concentration will make one more stressed. This will slow the body down. You will progress just as you are supposed to in time.

One very important thing to keep in mind is that by exercising daily, eating well, and maintaining your emotional health, you are definitely doing the right thing. This is a lifestyle you are committed to, not the “4-day diet” or the “15-day miracle plan.” Temporary efforts produce temporary results. Plateaus can happen. But you’ve made healthy living your way of living, which means all realistic goals can and will be achieved.

Why Must Valentine’s Day Be Celebrated Once A Year?

So I always wondered why Valentine’s Day was only celebrated once a year? If you truly love and appreciate someone, why can you celebrate Valentine’s day every day of the year?

We were at that time of the year again, February 14, when people go crazy in proclaiming their love for their loved ones on Valentine’s Day. But putting aside all the commercial hype, just what is really going on here?!

If you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about? And why should you only celebrate and demonstrate your love on just Valentine’s Day? Why just one day of the year?

In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.

If you have been together for a long time, you could take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, but simply just a lack of effort. Be willing to make the time and effort for each other.

Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfill your every need and desire. Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability. Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.

So how can you make your relationship even more special and celebrate Valentine’s Day EVERY day of the year?

These are my thoughts…

• Get clear on what you want from the relationship. Make the fulfillment of your short term and long term needs, the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship. Create and share a vision of your dream life together.

• Accept your partner just as they are. Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in. 

• They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours. And remember that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!

• Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner. Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return. A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation. If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in Nirvana!

• Always be in integrity. Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship. Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.

• Resolve your differences as soon as they happen. Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel.

• Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night, tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.

• Do not criticize. It is ok to complain but not criticize. Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term. NEVER put your partner down in front of other people.

• Create a haven for your partner. Make them feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care.

• Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.

• Let go of the past. All relationships have their difficulties. Remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days. Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?

• Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often. Spend one night a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!

In a dream relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves. You are honest and patient with each other. You accept each other, and you are kind and thoughtful. In such an open and caring relationship, your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.

From this Valentine’s Day or next, start working to make your dream relationship even better.

And then be sure to celebrate Valentine’s Day every day of the year!

Miracle Child

Where has time gone? It seems like only yesterday, my now grown up daughter was just a little snot. Looking back, I am surprised she survived seeing how I was such an inexperienced mother. Also I am surprised she survived the first three months of her life with her constant crying 24-7. Better still.... I am even more surprised she still has a mother and I did not go crazy (ok... hold that thought)...

I wanted to child badly. For three years, I tried, only to be disappointed or heart broken by a miscarriage. There were 3 miscarriages that I actually knew of.

However, 15 years ago, a miracle happened.

I conceived my little girl. I took great care of myself and her. For 9 months, I stayed away from fish/seafood to avoid mercury poisoning. I stayed away from caffeine. Because of my rare blood type (A-), I was under the high risk pregnancy category. But I was determined and I knew this time, my baby was going to be alright.

Most women would see their doctor once a month when they were pregnant but for me, I had to go in every 2 weeks and get blood work done. Then during the last trimester, I had to be seen once a week. But it was all worth it.

Yet, during the full term, I stressed every day. I was scared of another heart break.

When I was 6 months pregnant, I learned I was having a baby girl. Of course I was thrilled even though it did not really matter if I had a son or a daughter, as long as they were healthy. But it was time to decide on a name for my little Princess.

One evening, I was reading out names from a Baby Name book, picking a few names from each alphabet, from A - Z. Half way through it, at some point, I told my little Princess to show me a sign if she liked a name I mentioned.

Geraldine....Jessica..... Kimberly..... No sign.

Laura....Leanne..... Still no sign....

I swear to God, I said "LeiLani" and she kicked. It was a name I actually felt my little Princess could relate to and the fact that it was actually a song that was sung by two of my favourite singers.

In case you have not heard the song, it is called "Sweet LeiLani" and I always took a liking to it when Marty Robbins sang it and even more so when I heard the home recordings of Elvis Presley.

Nevertheless, I decided to go back mentioning the names I did before 'LeiLani'.... so I said "Geraldine... Jessica... Kimberly.... Laura.... Leanne" ... and no sign (yet again)..... And I said "LeiLani" and she kicked.

So it had been decided there and then that she would be named "LeiLani" which suits her perfectly as it actually means "Heavenly Child" which she is.

February 14 2003, 15 years ago.... I was already beginning to have mild contractions although my doctor had planned to induce me on the 15th. I still managed to celebrate Valentine's Day. I watched a movie... I could not miss Dare Devil with Ben Afflect! And I also had a pretty good meal at my favourite restaurant. I had a 16oz prime rib and a double serving of mashed potatoes. Ha.

Got home and not even an hour later, I found myself at the hospital.

February 15th 2003, my little Princess entered my life and everything became simply wonderful, in the truest sense of the word.

Throughout the years, she never seized to amaze me. She was a strong little girl, a fighter. She is a carbon copy of me.

Raising an amazing daughter like her is one the greatest accomplishment of my life. Even when I think that she cannot get any more wonderful, adorable, caring and beautiful, she does.

She amazes me even when I thought I could no longer be amazed by anything.

So I hope that as she celebrates her birthday, that she will always remember that I love her and her brother so much and will do everything within my power to ensure that their journey in life is as smooth as possible. Their happiness in life is my mission for life. And I promise to ensure that I will do everything humanly possible to make them smile all the time.