As most of you know, I have lived with a birthmark all my life but I am finally typing this blog post because this week has been a memorable week surrounding the subject, “birthmark”.
I won’t lie but my birthmark has definitely made me the person I am today. Has it affected me? DEFINITELY. But not in a bad way. Not at all. It has taught me self-respect, confidence, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and most of all it has given me a compassionate heart.
My birthmark has given me a kinship towards people who are different. Nothing surprises me and it is not difficult for me to empathize with their struggles. However, the most important thing for all is to be able to feel accepted and loved. That is definitely something I hope I can and always be able to give others.
There has always been a mild speculation amongst my family and friends that my birthmark is the source of my creativity; I’ve always felt the urge to be different, good at crafts and most of all to bring my interests to life. Who knows if it’s true, but it’s somewhat a beautiful notion that my ideas and thoughts are getting extra nourishment.
I had never felt ugly before, never felt like I was disgusting. I was never bullied and on the contrary, I had and still continue to make many wonderful friends.
Since I was baby, my parents have treated me just like any other kid. I was never held back, or hidden from view. They respected my independence, let me shine when I was comfortable and believed that I could fight my own battles even when I didn’t. My birthmark has always been a non-issue with majority, if not all my friends and even boyfriends.
Now I’m not saying I would be a mean person, or a tough or a judging person, without my birthmark, because that’s still just not who I am. However, I definitely recognize the good in people, the importance of self-love, and how much I love helping others. This birthmark has helped me figure out who I am.
I am confident, I am sweet, I am humble, I am blessed. I am me. And most of all, I am happy. This birthmark has taught me more about life and love than I could ever imagine.
For those of you who aren’t too sure how you feel about your birthmark, or for the parents who are worried about their children, trust me when I say there is so much to learn, so much to be taught, about having a birthmark. It can be a tough journey, but it can also be so rewarding. And it all starts with learning to love who you are inside and out.
I believe if you love yourself first, the love of your differences will follow.
What has my birthmark taught me? Of course, everyone has things they may not like about themselves. Growing up, I honestly didn’t really care much about my birthmark. I had always accepted my birthmark even from a young age and I don’t ever remember my parents having any talk with me about how different I am from other kids. I suppose I accepted the fact I was different, naturally, because of the way I was raised.
But honestly, what has it taught me. I am 39 years old now…going on to be 40. And although some may think I am still too young to have experienced the full advantage and disadvantage of life, I have in fact been around the block a few times and back. I dare say more than most adults who are 10 years or more my senior.
1. I found beauty in everyone. Well… almost everyone…
2. I’m more compassionate and am able to understand tough times. I understand what it’s like to be different.
3. Self-confidence has changed my life and made all these other learning experiences possible. This is by far the most life-changing blessing I have gained.
4. Humility. I am confident and brave, but I am humble. I never think of myself as anything higher than others. I am modest and understanding of others and their situations. I’ve learned to take the time to listen to others and try to understand them.
5. I know who my true friends are whether I have met them or not met them yet. I never covered my birthmark through all my life and I have no regret about it. Maybe now that I am older and I somewhat know how to use makeup and have to keep up with appearance in the business world, my birthmark tends to get a little hidden. But believe me, it is never on purpose to hide it. I am in fact proud of my birthmark. It’s me. And because I never hid my birthmark, I never had to weed out the jerks who only cared about looks and the friends who only saw what was skin-deep and nothing more. I was always me. Love me or hate me. That’s your choice. But I am thankful for those who love me for who I am.
My birthmark has made me look at life differently. It has carved and shaped the woman I am today.
It all starts with taking your time at your own pace to come to love your true self with or without a birthmark.
Going back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned I am writing this because of the memorable week I had. Well, it started earlier in the week when I was preparing for bed and washing my face and thought how strange that my birthmark was actually getting a bit darker as I lost more weight. Yet, it didn’t make me want to change anything. I dried my face and went to bed.
The next morning, as I was in the train, heading in to the office, I saw this very young couple with probably their first child. A beautiful little girl about 2 years old. She had the prettiest smile and the most precious character. I noticed she had a birthmark on one side of her cheek, like mine. Well, I am glad that was just that for her as mine is a lot more prominent as I have it almost completely on the left side of my face…cheeks, eyes (thankfully it never affected my vision), forehead, behind my ear and neck.
As I watched her cheerful character and how her parents were doting on her, I prayed for God to give this little angel the strength to face life the way I did. I prayed to God to watch over her and to make sure she grows up to be a strong independent and powerful woman. To never let criticism ever bring her down.
A couple days later, there was a new cleaning lady at my office. She was a sweet little Indian woman. She asked me if what was on my face was a birthmark. I told her it was and she told me that in her culture, I am considered to be very lucky. Hmm….. does that explain why I am so blessed today? Possibly.
So what are birthmarks?
Birthmarks are coloured skin spots that either are present at birth or develop shortly after birth. Birthmarks can be many different colours, including brown, tan, black, pale blue, pink, white, red, or purple. Some birthmarks are only colorations of the surface of the skin; others are raised above the surface of the skin or extend into the tissues under the skin.
Birthmarks are relatively common and occur in 4 out of 5 babies.
The cause of most birthmarks is unknown. Most of them are not inherited. Many folk tales and myths exist about the causes of birthmarks, but none of these stories have been proven to explain the true causes of birthmarks.
There are two main categories of birthmarks -- vascular (having to do with blood vessels) birthmarks and pigmented birthmarks. Vascular birthmarks are often pink, purple, or red colored skin markings that develop before or shortly after birth. Pigmented birthmarks are skin markings that are present at birth. The marks may range from brown or black to bluish or blue-gray in color.
What I have is a pigmented birthmark called a Mongolian spot. Mongolian spots usually are bluish and look like bruises. They often appear on the buttocks and/or lower back, but they sometimes also appear on the trunk or arms. The spots are seen most often in people who have darker skin. Strangely enough, not only is my blood type rare, but my birthmark too, because it is on the left side of my face and I am fair skinned.
Among those who are not aware of the background of the Mongolian spots, it may sometimes be mistaken for a bruise indicative of child abuse.
Majority of us with birthmarks or a difference in appearance got bullied at one time or another, we all have been stared at and asked some of the same questions: “What happened?” “What’s wrong?” Some of us had a harder time with it and still do. A few have medical issues that come with a port-wine stain. Some choose to embrace and love what makes us different, some choose to cover it up with makeup, some choose not to. And you know what? That’s OK! No matter what our circumstances are, we aren’t alone. And that is an amazing feeling.
I love showing my birthmark. It makes me who I am and I hate covering it up because I’d rather choose showing my real self. It’s made me a stronger person and I’m proud of my birthmark.
I always said everyone has flaws, mine is just visible. But it really is ok to look different because we are made the way we are. No one is exactly like everyone else, including looks and personality. We are all the way we are and it’s OK. It’s OK to be different. I hate that we live in a society that is so stressed on conformity, but the truth is we have to accept that we are all beautiful. It all starts with how you feel about yourself.
So my closing words to those with birthmarks or who are different in appearance: Do what makes you happy! Don’t let anyone decide how to feel about yourself. Don’t let the comments or stares of others change your mind (although it’s easier said than done). Be yourself! It may take time to find out and realize who you really are. For a lot it takes longer and some learn at a much younger age. Just don’t let fear run your life, don’t try and run away from it, face it and rise. Your happiness is your choice.
You don’t love your birthmark? That’s OK! And believe me, it’s totally normal. The important thing is you still need to love yourself. Find out who you are and embrace it with or without your birthmark. Don’t let a mark (although very beautiful) bring you down in life; it does not define you. Your true self, who you are, your personality and how you treat others is what defines you. Love yourself first, and love of your differences will naturally follow.
