Beautifully Marked

As most of you know, I have lived with a birthmark all my life but I am finally typing this blog post because this week has been a memorable week surrounding the subject, “birthmark”.

I won’t lie but my birthmark has definitely made me the person I am today. Has it affected me? DEFINITELY. But not in a bad way. Not at all. It has taught me self-respect, confidence, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and most of all it has given me a compassionate heart.

My birthmark has given me a kinship towards people who are different. Nothing surprises me and it is not difficult for me to empathize with their struggles. However, the most important thing for all is to be able to feel accepted and loved. That is definitely something I hope I can and always be able to give others.

There has always been a mild speculation amongst my family and friends that my birthmark is the source of my creativity; I’ve always felt the urge to be different, good at crafts and most of all to bring my interests to life. Who knows if it’s true, but it’s somewhat a beautiful notion that my ideas and thoughts are getting extra nourishment.

I had never felt ugly before, never felt like I was disgusting. I was never bullied and on the contrary, I had and still continue to make many wonderful friends.

Since I was baby, my parents have treated me just like any other kid. I was never held back, or hidden from view. They respected my independence, let me shine when I was comfortable and believed that I could fight my own battles even when I didn’t. My birthmark has always been a non-issue with majority, if not all my friends and even boyfriends.

Now I’m not saying I would be a mean person, or a tough or a judging person, without my birthmark, because that’s still just not who I am. However, I definitely recognize the good in people, the importance of self-love, and how much I love helping others. This birthmark has helped me figure out who I am.

I am confident, I am sweet, I am humble, I am blessed. I am me. And most of all, I am happy. This birthmark has taught me more about life and love than I could ever imagine.

For those of you who aren’t too sure how you feel about your birthmark, or for the parents who are worried about their children, trust me when I say there is so much to learn, so much to be taught, about having a birthmark. It can be a tough journey, but it can also be so rewarding. And it all starts with learning to love who you are inside and out.

I believe if you love yourself first, the love of your differences will follow.

What has my birthmark taught me? Of course, everyone has things they may not like about themselves. Growing up, I honestly didn’t really care much about my birthmark. I had always accepted my birthmark even from a young age and I don’t ever remember my parents having any talk with me about how different I am from other kids. I suppose I accepted the fact I was different, naturally, because of the way I was raised.

But honestly, what has it taught me. I am 39 years old now…going on to be 40. And although some may think I am still too young to have experienced the full advantage and disadvantage of life, I have in fact been around the block a few times and back. I dare say more than most adults who are 10 years or more my senior.

1. I found beauty in everyone. Well… almost everyone…

2. I’m more compassionate and am able to understand tough times. I understand what it’s like to be different.

3. Self-confidence has changed my life and made all these other learning experiences possible. This is by far the most life-changing blessing I have gained.

4. Humility. I am confident and brave, but I am humble. I never think of myself as anything higher than others. I am modest and understanding of others and their situations. I’ve learned to take the time to listen to others and try to understand them.

5. I know who my true friends are whether I have met them or not met them yet. I never covered my birthmark through all my life and I have no regret about it. Maybe now that I am older and I somewhat know how to use makeup and have to keep up with appearance in the business world, my birthmark tends to get a little hidden. But believe me, it is never on purpose to hide it. I am in fact proud of my birthmark. It’s me. And because I never hid my birthmark, I never had to weed out the jerks who only cared about looks and the friends who only saw what was skin-deep and nothing more. I was always me. Love me or hate me. That’s your choice. But I am thankful for those who love me for who I am.

My birthmark has made me look at life differently. It has carved and shaped the woman I am today.

It all starts with taking your time at your own pace to come to love your true self with or without a birthmark.

Going back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned I am writing this because of the memorable week I had. Well, it started earlier in the week when I was preparing for bed and washing my face and thought how strange that my birthmark was actually getting a bit darker as I lost more weight. Yet, it didn’t make me want to change anything. I dried my face and went to bed.

The next morning, as I was in the train, heading in to the office, I saw this very young couple with probably their first child. A beautiful little girl about 2 years old. She had the prettiest smile and the most precious character. I noticed she had a birthmark on one side of her cheek, like mine. Well, I am glad that was just that for her as mine is a lot more prominent as I have it almost completely on the left side of my face…cheeks, eyes (thankfully it never affected my vision), forehead, behind my ear and neck.

As I watched her cheerful character and how her parents were doting on her, I prayed for God to give this little angel the strength to face life the way I did. I prayed to God to watch over her and to make sure she grows up to be a strong independent and powerful woman. To never let criticism ever bring her down.

A couple days later, there was a new cleaning lady at my office. She was a sweet little Indian woman. She asked me if what was on my face was a birthmark. I told her it was and she told me that in her culture, I am considered to be very lucky. Hmm….. does that explain why I am so blessed today? Possibly.

So what are birthmarks?

Birthmarks are coloured skin spots that either are present at birth or develop shortly after birth. Birthmarks can be many different colours, including brown, tan, black, pale blue, pink, white, red, or purple. Some birthmarks are only colorations of the surface of the skin; others are raised above the surface of the skin or extend into the tissues under the skin.

Birthmarks are relatively common and occur in 4 out of 5 babies.

The cause of most birthmarks is unknown. Most of them are not inherited. Many folk tales and myths exist about the causes of birthmarks, but none of these stories have been proven to explain the true causes of birthmarks.

There are two main categories of birthmarks -- vascular (having to do with blood vessels) birthmarks and pigmented birthmarks. Vascular birthmarks are often pink, purple, or red colored skin markings that develop before or shortly after birth. Pigmented birthmarks are skin markings that are present at birth. The marks may range from brown or black to bluish or blue-gray in color.

What I have is a pigmented birthmark called a Mongolian spot. Mongolian spots usually are bluish and look like bruises. They often appear on the buttocks and/or lower back, but they sometimes also appear on the trunk or arms. The spots are seen most often in people who have darker skin. Strangely enough, not only is my blood type rare, but my birthmark too, because it is on the left side of my face and I am fair skinned.

Among those who are not aware of the background of the Mongolian spots, it may sometimes be mistaken for a bruise indicative of child abuse.

Majority of us with birthmarks or a difference in appearance got bullied at one time or another, we all have been stared at and asked some of the same questions: “What happened?” “What’s wrong?” Some of us had a harder time with it and still do. A few have medical issues that come with a port-wine stain. Some choose to embrace and love what makes us different, some choose to cover it up with makeup, some choose not to. And you know what? That’s OK! No matter what our circumstances are, we aren’t alone. And that is an amazing feeling.

I love showing my birthmark. It makes me who I am and I hate covering it up because I’d rather choose showing my real self. It’s made me a stronger person and I’m proud of my birthmark.

I always said everyone has flaws, mine is just visible. But it really is ok to look different because we are made the way we are. No one is exactly like everyone else, including looks and personality. We are all the way we are and it’s OK. It’s OK to be different. I hate that we live in a society that is so stressed on conformity, but the truth is we have to accept that we are all beautiful. It all starts with how you feel about yourself.

So my closing words to those with birthmarks or who are different in appearance: Do what makes you happy! Don’t let anyone decide how to feel about yourself. Don’t let the comments or stares of others change your mind (although it’s easier said than done). Be yourself! It may take time to find out and realize who you really are. For a lot it takes longer and some learn at a much younger age. Just don’t let fear run your life, don’t try and run away from it, face it and rise. Your happiness is your choice.

You don’t love your birthmark? That’s OK! And believe me, it’s totally normal. The important thing is you still need to love yourself. Find out who you are and embrace it with or without your birthmark. Don’t let a mark (although very beautiful) bring you down in life; it does not define you. Your true self, who you are, your personality and how you treat others is what defines you. Love yourself first, and love of your differences will naturally follow.

Evaluate Your Life

October 19th is National Evaluate Your Life day and, as the name implies, is the perfect time to free up some time, sit down with a coffee (or tea, if you prefer) and think about where you are in life, the progress we have made and the path we are on.

During this time, we may feel that we would like to actually make some changes or we may not be satisfied with where we are. Better yet, we may actually find that we are making much progress. However, it is likely that we are somewhere in between.

Whatever it is, we should never punish ourselves if we have not made full progress because it is understandable that we are only human and we all get a little lost sometimes.

Do you have any balance in life? Are you able to juggle family time, work and alone time?

So what is it we need to really evaluate?

Why not start with your goals in life. Have you managed to at least fulfill some of it? If not, what are your plans to finally fulfilling all your goals?

Next you can look into evaluating your wardrobe (you may think this is unnecessary but how you carry yourself says a lot about you), your finances and maybe job performance?

Take some time out of your busy every day schedule, pause and reflect. What are you unhappy with and what are you proud of? Without taking time out to evaluate things, how are you going to have the life you wish to have? If you don’t put in the effort, it would be impossible to make the changes you need to make.

Most importantly, we need to evaluate our health. Without health, we have nothing.

So access your lifestyle, your activities and diet. Exercising can make huge improvements to your overall health.

Basically, we need to know we are no super human. We have to be realistic and know that everything takes time.

Above everything else, be thankful and remember there are lots in our life, too, that is going well and good.

Why Not Help Your Loved Ones Make Healthy Lifestyle Choices?

If you’ve been working hard to lose weight and adopt a healthy lifestyle, you probably know how difficult that can be, and how important it is to have the support and help of others who are doing the same thing. You’ve probably been inspired by someone else’s success, gotten some important advice, or found a sympathetic listener just at the precise moment when, otherwise, you might have given up.

When important people in your life are also struggling with weight problems or making healthy decisions, you probably want to give them the same help and support you’ve received from others. Easy enough, as long as they’re looking for what you have to offer.

But what do you do when someone you care about doesn’t seem to want to change their lifestyle or lose weight, even though they are putting themselves at risk? What if they really want the results of eating well and exercising regularly, but isn’t so keen on doing the things that make those results happen? How can you motivate someone to do what you know they need to do? Is that even possible?

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Conventional wisdom says that you can’t motivate someone else. Maybe you can, however, inspire them with your own good example, give them the information they need to solve problems, or support them when the going gets tough. But like the proverbial light bulb, that person is not going to change their behavior unless and until they want to change it, and is ready and willing to do what has to be done. The desire and readiness have to come from inside.

This conventional wisdom is probably true, but all it really tells you is what you can’t do to motivate someone else. You can’t provide them with a good reason to get healthy, you can’t persuade them to do it by the sheer brilliance of your logic and persuasive techniques, and you can't convince them by the persistence of your nagging, suggestions, bribes, threats, predictions of disaster, or other manipulative devices. Until the object of your concern wants to do something about their situation, anything you tell them is going to fall on deaf ears.

So, if you’re currently doing any of those things I just mentioned, knock it off before it messes up your relationship and drives both you and the person you’re concerned about crazy with frustration and resentment.

When you think about it, this makes perfect sense. How many people do you know who really want to be unhealthy and overweight, and wouldn’t prefer to look better, feel better, and be as healthy as possible? When someone ‘isn’t motivated’ to lose weight or live a healthy lifestyle, the problem is probably not that they are not ready or willing to enjoy the obvious benefits of healthy eating and exercise. If things were as simple as that, they would make those changes in a minute.

More likely, the problem is that, to them, they are ‘benefiting’ (in some way) from the way they are doing things now, and they are not sure if they will still get those same benefits if they make big changes in their life. Your best chance for motivating them to make desirable changes is to find out what they are getting out of their ‘unhealthy’ behaviors now, and what you can do to help them get those same things without paying the price of obesity, inactivity, and higher health risks.

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So what can you really do?

Do more listening than talking. Remember, your job is not to persuade, correct, or preach. Most people who are ‘stuck’ in unhealthy behaviors already know what’s wrong and what they need to change. What they don’t know, they can easily find out when they’re ready to use the information. Most people even know, more or less, when they’re denying the obvious, inventing rationalizations, coming up with excuses, only seeing the problems, and ignoring the opportunities. But arguing with a friend or loved one about these things just makes it that much harder for them to start talking about the real issues. In fact, people are far more likely to talk themselves out of these unhelpful thoughts than to be talked out of them by someone else. Your job is to listen, nod a lot, and say things like “Yes, that was a problem for me, too,” or, “You mean you do that too? I thought I was the only one.”

Lead by example. The best reason you can give someone for adopting a healthy lifestyle is doing it yourself and letting them see how it has helped you. Another dimension of this leading by example is talking about what you’ve learned about yourself in the process and the benefits that may not be visible on the surface. As I mentioned earlier, the ‘real’ reason people hold back from change is usually fear of losing something important or exposing themselves to danger. That something important can be anything from the simple pleasure of doing something they enjoy (like eating a bag of chips while sitting on the couch and watching TV) to some deep psychological need to stay overweight and avoid the risks of being socially or sexually active. They might be unwilling to give up a certain style of cooking because it provides an important feeling of emotional connection with their family.

Whatever the reasons are, change isn’t likely to happen until they feels like they’ve got some other realistic options for meeting these needs and desires. And most of us don’t like to think or talk too much about this kind of stuff (even to ourselves, much less someone else). You might be able to help move this part of the change process along by talking (when the opportunity arises) about how you’ve dealt with some of these kinds of things yourself.

The ideal solution to these difficulties is to make doing the right thing as fun and pleasurable as possible. That will always work better than preaching the evils of instant gratification, glorifying the virtues of delayed gratification or heroic self-discipline, and striking fear into the hearts of potential junk food eaters.

So, if you want to get your loved one to join in your efforts to eat healthy, put away those carrot sticks with the cottage cheese dip, and have a little contest to see who can come up with the tastiest and most nutritious new meal or snack ideas. The winner gets out of doing dishes. If you want to get the kids off the phone or the computer and on their feet moving around, don’t start with rules and limits, start by finding something they like to do, and offer to do it with them. You get the idea.

The good news is that a healthy lifestyle is something that most people will actually find pleasant and rewarding, once they give it a chance to grow on them. You can’t make that happen for others, or even convince them to try when they don’t want to. But with a little thought and luck, you might just provide the spark that gets the fire going.

Finding Peace of Mind

Over the past few years I have dealt with several personal hardships of varying degrees, including the sudden death of a loved one, the loss of a best friend, losing my job…. you name it, and I can tell you, I had to deal with it.

These experiences were brutal.  Each of them, unsurprisingly, knocked me down and off course for a period of time.  But when my time of mourning was over in each individual circumstance, I pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.

In the midst of all of that, there were vital lessons I learned and ways I learned to maintain a peace of mind through it all.

I have to say that the biggest thing I learned was to trust myself.

It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.  As you heal and grow, it will all work out.  Relax and trust yourself.

Repeat that in your mind every morning.  Because the truth is, it all works out in the end.  Put your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future.  Life will not forsake you.  Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run.

If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough.  In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.

Next, I had to focus on what I was learning.

Mistakes and setbacks are simply a form of practice.

If the road is easy and free of bumps, you’re likely going the wrong way.  The bumps in the road teach you what you need to know to progress down a path that is all your own.  Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.  Sometimes you need to change a flat tire or two before you can move on.

Bottom line is, your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it.  To never struggle is to never grow.  There is no perfectly smooth road to anyplace worth going.

I have to admit; my next biggest struggle was trying to ease my expectations. But I did.

Life is under no obligation to give you exactly what you expect.  Whatever it is you’re seeking will rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting.  Don’t miss the silver lining because you were expecting gold.

You must see and accept things as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.  Just because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.

Keeping everything inside of you is unhealthy so you need to open up to someone you trust.

You aren’t alone; let someone special in when you’re in a dark place.  You know who this person is.  Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you.  Give them permission to stand beside you.  They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.

Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your situation, there is someone in your life who has dealt with similar emotions and who wants to help you.  When you hear yourself say, “I am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie. 

Use hope to drive positive action.

Only in the dark can you see the stars.  The stars are hope.  Look for them.

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for.  And the most you can do is live inside that hope as you work for what you want.  Do not admire what you hope for from a distance, but live right in it.  Get deeply involved with the thoughts and activities that keep your hope alive and your intention possible.

No, hope alone will not save you from despair.  Hope empowers you to strive and grow even when your circumstances are in shambles.  The road that is built with hope is more pleasant than the road built in despair, even though they both may seem to lead you to the same place in the short-term.  But it is the positive growth you attain on your way to this temporary place that will benefit your final destination.

It’s all about balance. Accepting reality without giving up on what needs to be done to reach your desired destination in the long run.

Move TOWARDS something instead of AWAY.

“Don’t think about eating that chocolate cookie!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate cookie, right?  When you concentrate on not thinking about something, you end up thinking about it.

The same philosophy holds true when it comes to freeing your mind from a negative past.  By persistently trying to move away from what you don’t want, you are forced to think about it so much that you end up carrying its weight along with you.  But if you instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.

Bottom line is instead of concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something positive (that just happens to replace the negative). 

Take a few steps back.

Everything seems simpler from a distance.  Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly.

You are more than whatever is troubling you.  A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment.  Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment.  Be present.  Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions.  Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you.  Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles.

Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now.  Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge.  What advice would you give him or her?  If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently?  Think of the advice you would give your friend if your friend were in your shoes.  Are you following your own best advice right now?

Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking.  Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.

Give yourself time.

Take all the time you need. I am now aware that emotional healing is a process. Don’t rush yourself through it.  Don’t let others force you through it either.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken past and your wounded self.

Take today breath by breath, one step at a time.  Never let trouble from the past make you feel like you have a bad life now.  Just because yesterday was painful doesn’t mean today will be too.  Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.  Today you have a choice to explore these parts of yourself.  Give yourself the needed time and permission to explore and heal. 

Then look for the beginning in every ending.

A wise man once said, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Today is a new beginning. Treat it that way.  Stop thinking about what might have been and starting looking at what can be.

Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me.  Dear Future, I am ready now!”  Because a great beginning always occurs at the exact moment you thought would be the end of everything.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

―Vivian Greene

Weight Loss Plateau

For 2 WEEKS, I was in a SERIOUS weight loss plateau that had me confused, frustrated, depressed, and desperate. I did not lose one pound although I knew for a FACT that I was staying in my calorie range, exercising, staying off carbs and still juicing when I am not having a regular meal which is more often than not. During those two weeks, I tried EVERYTHING to break through this plateau. You name it, I did it. I was just OBSESSED with trying to get through this plateau. Nothing worked.

It was just frustrating because clothes were finally starting to fit better and I beginning to feel great. I've been steadily shedding pounds but it suddenly feels like a challenge to lose a few more to reach my goal weight. I was determined and have tried everything I know of but I still didn't see any changes on the scale!

Well, this past week I HAD to take a break from exercising because I am nursing a cold. So, I could not do a lot of strenuous exercise. I still ate healthy, although had some increase in calories intake. I got on the scale today, and what do you know...I lost 4 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was like my body was holding on to all of the weight that I have been trying to lose over these last 2 weeks, but it would not let go of it until it knew that it could!

So, Jillian Michaels was right! She said that a plateau is your body's way of letting you know that it thinks it is starving. She suggested that during a plateau, one should increase the calories, and then expect a BIG DROP in pounds in the next few weeks. Well, that is EXACTLY was happened! I did increase my calories (by a little), gave my body a REST from the exercise, and my body responded by "releasing' the weight it had been holding on to for the past 2 weeks!!

So, for those of you who are in the midst of a plateau, I feel your pain! Trust me. I was just as frustrated, angry, and confused as the rest of you. But, I did NOT give up on my exercise or nutrition regimen. Although I was angry, I stuck to it and just had faith that the weight would come off eventually, and it did!

While this was probably not my LONGEST plateau, it was NOT my first, I am sure. I just never took notice of it until now. I also know that I may experience more plateaus as I continue on this weight loss journey. However, I have learned a valuable lesson: Give your body a BREAK sometimes. It is working hard for you, and needs a rest. My new plan is to take a WEEK OFF every couple weeks. So, I will exercise hard for two weeks and juice, and then take a one week break. That will give my body time to recover, and shed pounds.

I am SO THRILLED that I broke through this plateau I feel refreshed and SUPER-EXCITED to enter this next phase of my weight loss journey.

Let me just tell you this, a weight-loss plateau is an integral part of weight loss. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED! It is your body's way of protecting you for survival purposes. The weight-loss plateau occurs because your body thinks there is a famine and has slowed your metabolism in order to conserve calories. This will happen periodically throughout your weight-loss odyssey.

That said, a plateau will usually break on its own after about three weeks,

Keep up the motivation, be patient, and try to change your focus for a short time. Sometimes, too much focus and concentration will make one more stressed. This will slow the body down. You will progress just as you are supposed to in time.

One very important thing to keep in mind is that by exercising daily, eating well, and maintaining your emotional health, you are definitely doing the right thing. This is a lifestyle you are committed to, not the “4-day diet” or the “15-day miracle plan.” Temporary efforts produce temporary results. Plateaus can happen. But you’ve made healthy living your way of living, which means all realistic goals can and will be achieved.

Why Must Valentine’s Day Be Celebrated Once A Year?

So I always wondered why Valentine’s Day was only celebrated once a year? If you truly love and appreciate someone, why can you celebrate Valentine’s day every day of the year?

We were at that time of the year again, February 14, when people go crazy in proclaiming their love for their loved ones on Valentine’s Day. But putting aside all the commercial hype, just what is really going on here?!

If you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about? And why should you only celebrate and demonstrate your love on just Valentine’s Day? Why just one day of the year?

In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.

If you have been together for a long time, you could take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, but simply just a lack of effort. Be willing to make the time and effort for each other.

Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfill your every need and desire. Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability. Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.

So how can you make your relationship even more special and celebrate Valentine’s Day EVERY day of the year?

These are my thoughts…

• Get clear on what you want from the relationship. Make the fulfillment of your short term and long term needs, the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship. Create and share a vision of your dream life together.

• Accept your partner just as they are. Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in. 

• They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours. And remember that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!

• Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner. Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return. A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation. If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in Nirvana!

• Always be in integrity. Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship. Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.

• Resolve your differences as soon as they happen. Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel.

• Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night, tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.

• Do not criticize. It is ok to complain but not criticize. Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term. NEVER put your partner down in front of other people.

• Create a haven for your partner. Make them feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care.

• Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.

• Let go of the past. All relationships have their difficulties. Remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days. Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?

• Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often. Spend one night a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!

In a dream relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves. You are honest and patient with each other. You accept each other, and you are kind and thoughtful. In such an open and caring relationship, your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.

From this Valentine’s Day or next, start working to make your dream relationship even better.

And then be sure to celebrate Valentine’s Day every day of the year!

Miracle Child

Where has time gone? It seems like only yesterday, my now grown up daughter was just a little snot. Looking back, I am surprised she survived seeing how I was such an inexperienced mother. Also I am surprised she survived the first three months of her life with her constant crying 24-7. Better still.... I am even more surprised she still has a mother and I did not go crazy (ok... hold that thought)...

I wanted to child badly. For three years, I tried, only to be disappointed or heart broken by a miscarriage. There were 3 miscarriages that I actually knew of.

However, 15 years ago, a miracle happened.

I conceived my little girl. I took great care of myself and her. For 9 months, I stayed away from fish/seafood to avoid mercury poisoning. I stayed away from caffeine. Because of my rare blood type (A-), I was under the high risk pregnancy category. But I was determined and I knew this time, my baby was going to be alright.

Most women would see their doctor once a month when they were pregnant but for me, I had to go in every 2 weeks and get blood work done. Then during the last trimester, I had to be seen once a week. But it was all worth it.

Yet, during the full term, I stressed every day. I was scared of another heart break.

When I was 6 months pregnant, I learned I was having a baby girl. Of course I was thrilled even though it did not really matter if I had a son or a daughter, as long as they were healthy. But it was time to decide on a name for my little Princess.

One evening, I was reading out names from a Baby Name book, picking a few names from each alphabet, from A - Z. Half way through it, at some point, I told my little Princess to show me a sign if she liked a name I mentioned.

Geraldine....Jessica..... Kimberly..... No sign.

Laura....Leanne..... Still no sign....

I swear to God, I said "LeiLani" and she kicked. It was a name I actually felt my little Princess could relate to and the fact that it was actually a song that was sung by two of my favourite singers.

In case you have not heard the song, it is called "Sweet LeiLani" and I always took a liking to it when Marty Robbins sang it and even more so when I heard the home recordings of Elvis Presley.

Nevertheless, I decided to go back mentioning the names I did before 'LeiLani'.... so I said "Geraldine... Jessica... Kimberly.... Laura.... Leanne" ... and no sign (yet again)..... And I said "LeiLani" and she kicked.

So it had been decided there and then that she would be named "LeiLani" which suits her perfectly as it actually means "Heavenly Child" which she is.

February 14 2003, 15 years ago.... I was already beginning to have mild contractions although my doctor had planned to induce me on the 15th. I still managed to celebrate Valentine's Day. I watched a movie... I could not miss Dare Devil with Ben Afflect! And I also had a pretty good meal at my favourite restaurant. I had a 16oz prime rib and a double serving of mashed potatoes. Ha.

Got home and not even an hour later, I found myself at the hospital.

February 15th 2003, my little Princess entered my life and everything became simply wonderful, in the truest sense of the word.

Throughout the years, she never seized to amaze me. She was a strong little girl, a fighter. She is a carbon copy of me.

Raising an amazing daughter like her is one the greatest accomplishment of my life. Even when I think that she cannot get any more wonderful, adorable, caring and beautiful, she does.

She amazes me even when I thought I could no longer be amazed by anything.

So I hope that as she celebrates her birthday, that she will always remember that I love her and her brother so much and will do everything within my power to ensure that their journey in life is as smooth as possible. Their happiness in life is my mission for life. And I promise to ensure that I will do everything humanly possible to make them smile all the time.

Juice Feast

Detoxing the body has become an increasingly popular practice in recent years. Juice Fasting is one method of detoxing and is sometimes known as going on a juice detox or a juice diet.

I am currently on Round 3 of a fabulous Juice Feast and the results has been amazing!!

I termed it juice ‘FEAST’ rather than juice ‘FAST’ because one gets ALL the calories one would normally get in a day (i.e. 1500 for an average woman) – from at least 4 litres/1 gallon of fresh juice, daily (green vegetable juices and fruit juices). Often when people fast they take in very small amounts of liquid/calories, the metabolism slows, their energy slumps, and they may feel quite ‘dysfunctional’. Juice Feasting works differently, supporting the feaster to be very functional in daily life and meeting all calorie needs, while experiencing massive cleansing on a cellular level.

The romance of unhealthy foods is powerful, as evidenced by many who struggle daily with being overweight and obese. But it is essential to break the cycle of dependence on saturated fats, refined carbohydrates, processed foods, and excess caffeine and alcohol.

In addition to breaking the cycle of cravings of foods that undermine your health, just three days of a juice cleanse can do so much. However, me being me, I jumped right into 7-days and I have no regrets! Of course, that is no big deal as I have met others who jumped right into 21 days and 60 days!

I first learned about juicing just a little over a year ago. I didn’t think much of this until I learned that even Engelbert Humperdinck did this on many occasions and showed great results. I started to read up more about it and many swore by it and have shown tremendous results.

So 2018 rolled around and I decided to make a new year resolution. I know people would say a resolution is rubbish and most don’t stick to it. But two years ago, overweight Debra decided she was going to do something about her weight and made a resolution to eat better and to exercise. I kept to my 2016 resolution.

Well, my 2018 resolution is to get fitter and much healthier. I decided to give this juice fast a shot. I am going to start feeling better about myself in all aspects.

I found a ‘starter’ juicer that was on clearance. USD $20. Not a bad price. So I bought it. I didn’t want to jump into a very expensive juicer, just in case, juicing wasn’t something for me.

I swear, that was the best money spent!! I used it for 2 rounds before the ‘pusher’ for the juicer went missing. Must have accidentally fallen into the trash while I had it out, drying. But my supportive mother, ran right out to buy me a new, bigger and better juicer. She was so proud of what I had accomplished in the first two rounds of juicing.

And so, I am back in business.

Let me move on to talking about the first time I started, my experiences, my thoughts, etc…

When I first started on Round 1, I was nervous. I am one person who hates to fail at anything I do. So I was really afraid I would not be able to handle 7 days of purely just juice and water. The fact that I am also a coffee addict and if I don’t get my 2 cups (at least) of coffee a day, I’d be in bed, nursing a migraine, got me even more terrified. Yet, I went on with the challenge. Challenge not with anyone but myself.

I should have timed it better though, silly me started Round 1 / Day 1 on my son’s birthday! We did have a nice birthday dinner, the night before but still…. So imagine it being your first time juicing, and you’re sitting at KFC with your kids, smelling the lovely fried chicken, watching them enjoy every bite while you sipped water. It was a struggle. Then heading home to have my son cut his birthday cake and not have a slice. My kids were funny and joked about juicing the cake for me. But I survived day 1.

Round 1 / Day 2 was still a struggle. But I got through it. Then day 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 came and went by so quickly!

I surprised myself. I did it!! After the third day, I did not even have any cravings. Not even for coffee. And I sure did not get any migraines from the lack of coffee or no coffee! The best part about it? I saw amazing results. I lost a total of 5kg (11 pounds).

The week after, I decided to take a break from juicing. So I can enjoy some good food especially since my granny was cooking. I was even more surprised with how disciplined I was. I did not crave food. I did not crave coffee. Everything was in moderation. I ate more healthily and stayed away from carbs without even missing it.

I was already beginning to feel a change in me… a good change.

Right after that rest week, I jumped right back into another 7-day juice fast. I don’t really follow any recipes; I just make them up as I go along. Right after Round 2, I decided I would jump straight into Round 3 for another 7-days as the week after, it would be my daughter’s birthday and Chinese New Year. However, I changed Round 3 a little. I had to do 2 juices and 1 meal a day as I was on antibiotics.

Back to Round 2. I didn’t get as big a results as when I did Round 1. I only lost 2kg (4.4 pounds) but was told the reason why I lost so much the first time was because that was all the water/liquid. But it is alright. I wasn’t disappointed or anything. In fact, I was more determined.

I am on Day 5 of Round 3 as I write this. I have never felt better in my entire life. I feel so much healthier and so accomplished. I definitely feel a lot better about myself. My skin has improved. It is a lot smoother and I am glowing! I look better in the outfits I put on. Overall, I simply feel awesome.

This could be my norm from now on. My goal is to lose another 5kg (11 pounds) at least.

The bigger accomplishment was starting a FB group on Juice Fasting. We’re almost hitting 900 members and every day, I still receive at least 3 requests to join our group. In the group, we share recipes, experiences, goals, etc. And even bigger than that accomplishment, I have managed to inspire lots of friends and many are now starting to juice as well.

With all of the benefits, how could you NOT do a juice feast?! I know what you’re thinking, ‘I could NEVER do that!’ Let me tell you, I love food, and coffee…and some alcohol! If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT. Seriously, take my word on this!!

The starting reaction of most people who saw me do this wasn't very positive - at first most were shocked, worried and some plain appalled at the fact that I was "starving" myself - even my parents were a bit worried at first.

And then as the days and weeks passed, many opinions and comments changed - all of a sudden "I was glowing" and my "skin was perfect" …. I had to chuckle and resist the "I told you so".

I myself was amazed at the changes in my body.

I am not kidding when I say the changes were huge….

-          Perfect skin, I'm talking FLAWLESS

-          A glow

-          Release of a lot of extra weight

-          Sky high levels of steady energy and endurance

-          Clarity of mind (it's crazy what chemicals in the food will do to your brain)

-          Deep and restful sleep

-          A solid feeling of health and wellness

I was also running every other day, between 5km to 6km (3.1 miles to 3.7 miles).

I know these may seem too good to be true, but I promise you, I wouldn't lie to you! Ask my family and my close friends and they will testify to this.

Yes, at the start, I was excited to start and at the same time pretty nervous about it as it is not an easy process - most worthwhile things never are!

So back to the technical stuff on juicing. Things I have learned and read up about since I started this.

Experts recommend you eat at least 6 to 8 servings of vegetables per day, which many people (myself included) have difficulty achieving. That’s where juicing can help fill the void.

So what is involved in a juice fast?

Juice fasting involves consuming only fresh fruit and vegetable juices and water for a set period of time. The duration of the juice fast can vary from just one day to around 28 days although it is widely agreed that juice fasting novices start with a couple of one day fasts and when they are comfortable with this build up to a 3 day fast.

There are SO many reasons why juicing is so beneficial and here are just a few I have come up with and read about:

-          Juice requires hardly any digestion, so all its nutritional goodness gets rapidly into your system while simultaneously giving your digestive system a rest. Your body can then use that saved energy to clean out old matter, especially from the small intestine.

-          When you juice, you use way more fruits and vegetables than you could actually eat at one time. As a result, you are drinking a HUGE quantity of vitamins, minerals and other plant-based nutrients that would be impossible to get otherwise.

-          You give your WHOLE BODY a chance to “clean house”. Without the added burden of digestion, which takes a LOT of time and energy, the body is now free to work on other things like detoxing the liver and kidneys…and the remains of all those Ramen Noodles you used to eat!

-          Improved focus and mental clarity

-          Anti-Aging

-          Improved bone & joint function

-          Stronger Immune System 

-          Better digestion

-          Better overall mood

-          Healthier hair, skin and nails

-          Natural body weight

-          ENERGY!!!

So, to wrap this blog post up, once again, I wanted to tell all of you that three years ago, I weighed about 80kg (176 pounds) and after 2 years of cutting back on eating as much and I got started on exercising, I went down to 72kg (158 pounds).

But after the first 7 day juice fast, I went right down to 65kg (143 pounds).

All in all, it took a lot of effort and determination and I am still determined to lose more. My goal is to hit between 58kg (127 pounds) to 60kg (132 pounds).

I still love my food but I have cut back on it and have the unhealthy chicken wings or burgers once a week (or not at all) instead of every other day. I don't crave coffee anymore although a cup once in a blue moon is nice. No craving for chocolates. Alcohol is only socially but it's always been socially.

I have been eating healthier. White meats and veggies. No fatty food and I have cut off carbs. I snack on fruits when my mouth starts to feel itchy but believe it or not, it doesn’t even get to that point.

I also add in the occasional runs/jogs about twice or 3 times a week.

I have never felt my best in years. Lighter, healthier and more confident.

My advice to those trying to lose weight is to decide what you really want then work at it and stick to it. Nothing will come over night and it will take a lot of willpower but keep telling yourself you can do it and in time, you will see the results and feel accomplished and that alone would help you work harder towards your goal.

SUCCESS isn't just about what you accomplish in your life.

It's about what you INSPIRE others to do.

New Year: Selfish Year

For many young people, particularly people under the age of thirty, there’s quite often more value in investing in you than there is in investing in stocks. A well-conceived investment in your future can continue to pay dividends over the rest of your life. Some investments in yourself can even be worthwhile near the end of your career.

In my own life, I’ve found that some of the most valuable things I’ve ever done were investments in me. I invested the cost and time to get a college education. I’ve even invested a lot of time – an amount that some of my friends have believed was excessive – carefully figuring out who I was, what my true talents are, and what I should be doing with my time. I did all of these things pretty early in life, before I was thirty, and they were all worth the time and financial costs associated with each of them.

Anyway, for 2018, it is going to be a selfish year. I have been investing my time in many people who just did not deserve it and are users. I will continue to keep an open mind and an open heart and will still be there for friends and loved ones but I will be a lot smarter too. Mostly, my time will be invested on me. It is time to start improving myself. I want to become a better person physically and mentally.

Investing in you can yield returns far greater than any other investment.

We spend a lot of time worrying about investing and are quick to gauge how things are going by looking at quarterly statements. It’s all dollar signs — bank accounts, the value of your home — these are the things we invest in and can easily determine whether or not it’s a good investment. These are all important investments, without a doubt, but are these things what really matter?

You often hear about how your home or your career is your greatest assets, but I think that’s a little shortsighted. If you take a look at your net worth or your personal balance sheet, yes, you can argue that your home is one of your greatest financial assets. And if you have a steady job and a rewarding career it’s easy to see how important that asset is since it will provide income for years and possibly decades to come. But in the end, these assets pale in comparison to your true greatest asset: yourself.

You are an asset. Think about that for a minute. If you work for someone else, you are an asset to that company. If you’re married, you are an asset to your spouse. And it goes without saying, but if you have children you are an incredible asset to them. You’re an asset to the community you live in, to your neighbors, and to those you interact with on a daily basis.

Take a moment and look at yourself in the mirror. No. Not a mirror in a physical sense, but look at yourself from the outside. How do you look to others? How valuable are you to those around you? Do you stand out as an important asset, or do you slip by as just a run-of-the-mill person? These are difficult questions to answer, and the answers may not always be obvious.

Becoming a valuable asset is important on both the professional and personal level. When most people talk about being an asset, it has to do with getting ahead in the workplace. This is certainly important if you’re trying to keep your job, advance your career, or enter a new line of work, but it’s equally important on a personal level. These two aspects of your life are more interconnected than you may imagine. Investing in your professional life will impact aspects of your personal life, and investing in yourself on a personal level will undoubtedly help your professional life.

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However, before you can make improvements in other areas of your life you must first take care of some of your most basic needs. We need to step back for a moment and forget about money. Money is important, but without your health, it’s worthless. Understandably, you’re probably groaning at the idea of what it will take to improve your health. You’re thinking about diets, lots of exercise, and cutting out all the fun stuff in your life. I agree, none of that sounds like much fun. But we’re not talking about making drastic changes overnight. Habits that have developed over the course of years can be hard to break, so it’s best to make small changes over time that will lead to healthier habits.

GET MORE SLEEP

We live in a 24 hour world and it is taking its toll on sleep. Between the internet, TV, Androids and iPhones, the day doesn’t end when you come home from work. These days we’re constantly being interrupted and our work lives are bleeding into our personal lives. This added stress and lack of down time can really cut into your sleep. While it isn’t uncommon for people to get by on just six hours or so of sleep, studies have shown most of us still need more.

I know, I know. There are only 24 hours in a day and you already can’t get everything done, so how on Earth can you be expected to get more sleep? If you like to hit the snooze 5 times every morning, find you can’t concentrate until you’ve had your first three cups of coffee in the morning, or could pass out at your desk after lunch, then you’re not getting enough sleep. Think about all of the time you waste when you aren’t completely focused or working inefficiently because you’re fighting the urge to sleep. Instead, use that extra hour you’re wasting throughout the day by being tired and get some extra sleep. You’ll wake up feeling better, your body will be rested, and you can make better use of your waking hours, not to mention improve your overall health.

EAT BETTER

This doesn’t mean you should go on a drastic diet and try to cut 20 pounds in a month, but just a few little changes in your diet can go a long way. Start with breakfast. It really is the most important meal of the day. Breakfast will jump-start your metabolism and prepare your body for a full day of work. I always had difficulty finding time in the morning to squeeze in breakfast, but I’ve found that just grabbing a banana or something before heading out the door helps a lot.

Next, just be a little more conscious of what you’re eating and make an effort to make small changes here and there. If you drink a few sodas each day, start by replacing one with something else to drink. Ideally water, but even juice or something would be a good start if it’s the caffeine that you really crave. Over time you’ll find that you crave soda less and in the process you will be cutting out a lot of calories from your diet. If you’re looking to cut back come dinner time, consider cutting back on some of the pasta or rice and throw in an occasional salad. Again, even if you do this just a couple times a week you will begin to create healthy habits that will lead to a healthier you over time.

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YOUR PERSONAL SELF

What’s important to you? That’s what we’re going to try and answer right now. Take a moment to think about what you really enjoy and what matters most to you. Spending time with friends? Family? Being outdoors? Helping others? Just reading a good book? Now that you have an answer, how often do you get to do these things? If you’re like most people, the answer is probably, “not often enough.” Life is too short to be stuck running around constantly trying to meet deadlines, make more money, and constantly put things off until the future. You need to make time for the things you love.

Whatever it is that you wish you could be doing, find a way to make it happen. This is easier said than done, I know. But it can be done. Now, we aren’t going to be working any miracles here and have you living on a tropical island (although I do live on one) when you have responsibilities here at home, but let’s start with gradual changes. Find days to incorporate what you love to do into your regular schedule. The bottom line is that you just have to make time. Don’t make excuses. If you can make time to run to the dry cleaners every week, you can certainly set aside a half hour each week to do something you really enjoy. Whether it’s just sitting down with a glass of wine and a good book, a stroll with your kids through the park, or volunteering your time for a good cause. You just have to force yourself to set aside some time and do it.

It’s all about balance. Our lives are filled with responsibilities, deadlines, and work to get done, but these things can’t control us. You need to invest in creating some personal time. Even if it is just 30 minutes a day, the more you can introduce the things you love into your life, the happier you’ll be. Your happiness will begin to spill over into the other areas of your life. You’ll perform better at work, have better relationships with your friends and neighbours, and overall become a greater asset to everyone you interact with. All the time you put in at work and money you save doesn’t mean a whole lot if you aren’t investing in what makes you happy.

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PROFESSIONAL SELF

A healthier and happier you can go a long way, but if you really want to invest in something that can pay huge dividends, consider investing in your professional self. It doesn’t matter if you’re making minimum wage doing factory work or a veteran executive with a corner office — investing in yourself will shape your future. When most people talk about investing in your professional self, the advice has to do with getting additional education, certifications, or experience so that you can advance your career. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that advice, but I want to touch on a few different areas I have learned through the years.

NETWORKING

It’s not who you know, but what you know, right? If only it was that simple. Obviously, it can help to have a solid education and a lot of experience, but it is hardly the only path to success. Just as important as having the knowledge and skills to do a particular job, you need to have connections. These connections will open up opportunities that can be used to leverage your skills and find a path of least resistance to reach your goal.

When it comes to networking you should strike a balance between quantity and quality. With the advent of the internet, the ability to build a massive network is incredibly simple. Just hop on Facebook, Twitter, or any of the number of social networking type sites and you can almost instantly build a network of hundreds or even thousands of people. While numbers are good, connecting with 1,000 people you never get to know and just connecting for the sake of building a connection will probably be less effective than a network of 20 people who are in your line of work and that you interact with on a regular basis.

One of the best ways to network professionally is through LinkedIn. Unlike many of the other social networks that are filled with updates from people about what they had for lunch, their favorite music, or who they are currently dating, LinkedIn is more about business. Here you’ll be able to connect with coworkers past and present and join groups based on your interests or background. These professional connections can lead to a number of interactions you may not have otherwise had access to that can help launch your career in a new direction.

While LinkedIn is great for professional networking, that doesn’t mean you should dismiss the likes of Twitter or Facebook, either. With these sites, you really get out of it what you put into it. If you focus your efforts on networking with other likeminded-individuals and actually foster your relationships, you can open many new doors. At the same time, if you just sign up for the sake of signing up and expect great things by befriending as many people as possible, you’ll probably be disappointed.

Finally, don’t forget about local networking. Seek out networking opportunities right in your own backyard.

BUILD YOUR PERSONAL BRAND

When you think of Coca-Cola, Nike, or Microsoft, I bet you instantly know who these companies are and what they produce. You’ve also probably formed opinions of each of these companies or their products based on how they present themselves and your past experiences with their products. This is a brand.

What if I told you that you were your own brand? It might sound a bit silly to think of just a regular person as a brand, but it’s true. The way you represent yourself and how others see you is your own personal brand. Whether you like it or not, your actions and words speak volumes about who you are. This reputation can follow you for the rest of your life, so it’s obviously important to build a positive brand as opposed to a negative one.

So, what does your personal brand say about you? When someone types your name into Google, what do they see? Do others see you as you’d like to be seen? And when you meet someone for the first time, are you leaving a good impression and clearly displaying what you stand for? In today’s fast-paced world you may only have a few seconds to make an impression. Depending on how you’ve developed your brand, you may have left an unforgettable mark, or simply fade into the homogeneous background with everyone else.

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So always remember to invest in yourself for immeasurable returns.

It’s easy to get caught up with money. It drives everything we do from paying for food and shelter, to being stashed away for 30 years so we have something to spend in retirement. But as important as

Money is, it’s just as important to take a look at the bigger picture. Yes, your financial investments are important, your home is important, and being able to afford a comfortable lifestyle means a lot. But none of this matters if you’re unhealthy, unhappy, and have few prospects.

This is especially true in difficult financial times. When the news is filled with gloom and doom, your investment accounts drop like a rock, and you can’t sell your house, it’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that things are just helpless and it’s all out of your control. Well, it’s true that you can’t control the economy or magically make your retirement account go back up, but there is one investment you can make that will pay off. When you invest in yourself you might not be able to immediately put a dollar amount on the gains, but over time you will have realized returns far greater than those money can buy.